


Like the Heart Goes

by NatashaCole



Category: Louden Swain - Fandom, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Smut, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-08
Updated: 2017-11-13
Packaged: 2019-01-10 19:42:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 63,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12306360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NatashaCole/pseuds/NatashaCole
Summary: Breaking up is hard. Especially when you are going through it publicly. Rob and Reader are doing just that; trying to navigate the difficulties of an emotional breakup while still trying to remain civil enough to work together, and adding inquisitive fans and over involved friends to the equation certainly isn’t helping.





	1. I Can’t Stand What You Put Me Through

It wasn’t that you didn’t care. It wasn’t at all that. Regardless; you sat there, stunned and in a state of shock as Rob sat across from you, ultimately ending your two year-long relationship. Most of what he had to say flowed in one ear and out the other, you really didn’t process it. You found it extremely difficult to even attempt to process what was happening.

“Why are we even together?” He asked quietly. “All we do lately is argue. You’re not happy, and honestly, I’m not happy right now either.”

You didn’t even glance up at him; instead, you shifted uncomfortably in your seat, trying to avoid eye contact completely as you knew that it would only break your heart even more to look into those blue eyes. You were doing what you could to keep it together. He wasn’t wrong. The two of you did argue a lot, mostly because you were very different people. Usually, an argument would get heated for a bit, but you always moved on from them. The unhappiness… you weren’t sure why he was so suddenly unhappy but you had been unhappy mostly because he was never around. The man worked a lot. Between acting gigs and shows and tours with his bands, you really only saw each other during convention weekends where you both worked. You thought you had been pretty good at masking your unhappiness, not wanting to make him feel bad for actually working. You were proud of him and all that he was doing, you never wanted to make him feel like he was a bad boyfriend. Unfortunately, it seemed as if your unhappiness wasn’t so subtle.

“Maybe we just need to take a break,” he said after a long pause. He bowed his head, running his hands through his hair as he let out a long sigh.

“A break, or a breakup?” You asked, the words coming out almost angry. It was just like him to try to make things seem not as bad as they really were. While you usually loved him for his consideration of your feelings, you sort of hated him right now.

“I don’t know,” he replied, “I don’t know if anything can fix things.”

You wanted to tell him that he was wrong. Relationships go through tough spots, what counts is how you get through them. Truth be told, you were really bad at relationships to begin with. This wasn’t the first time you had been dumped, but it had certainly been your longest relationship. You loved Rob. You loved everything about him. He had been the first man that you had trusted in a very long time. Right now, you knew he was acting stupid. This entire situation was the result of a disagreement that the two of you had gotten into. The two of you were really polar opposites. Your entire relationship had been evident of that. You often disagreed over little things, but always managed to move on, neither of you willing to let small spats come between you. He couldn’t seem to get past this one though, and you wondered if he blamed you for the fact that you rarely saw each other.

“You really, for once, have nothing to say?” He asked with a hint of frustration.

“What do you want me to say?” You asked, still not looking up to meet his gaze. “It seems as if you’ve made your decision.”

Rob scoffed at you, “wow, I sort of expected a bit of a fight over this.”

“I’m not going to beg you to stay, if that’s what you’re looking for.” You felt your face redden, sort of pissed off that he expected you to fight for him. Sure, you wanted to, but the fact that he expected it really irked you. No way were you going to give him the satisfaction.

“No, I just thought you’d try to talk me out of it.”

“I don’t know what you want from me,” you said as you finally looked up at him. You locked eyes and you felt your heart shatter. Quite literally, you felt as if you had stopped breathing at the awareness that this was real. You could see it in his eyes that he was upset, but you didn’t know who was really hurting more right now. He was trying to hide it and so were you.

“I guess I don’t want anything from you,” he replied coldly.

“I just can’t believe you’re breaking up with me over a stupid disagreement.”

“It’s more than that and you know it,” he said, voice cracking. He stood up, straightening himself as he awkwardly moved for the door. “I’ll get my stuff later,” he said, “right now, I think we both just need some space.”

“Looks like you’ll get all the space you need, Rob,” you finally muttered.

You figured that he was fishing for a fight, he wanted some sort of sign that you couldn’t stand to lose him and you would do anything for him to stay. That wasn’t you though. You had been hurt enough to where you had grown a thick skin. It had become too easy to hide any sense of pain or distress that you were going through. You also were not about to give in to him, especially when he was the one who was neglectful of the relationship.

This right now? You were honestly gutted. You sat on that couch, focusing on the pain in your chest, trying to hold back the tears that threatened to spill at any second. You knew that the worst thing you could do would be to let him see you hurting, which had never worked in your favor in the past. If anything, your past had taught you that it was a bad idea to let anyone see you weak.

“We still need to talk about Vancouver…” Rob muttered as he held his hand on the doorknob, almost lingering as if he didn’t really want to leave. If there was one thing the man was bad at, it was hiding his feelings. For some reason, he looked completely hurt, as if you had been the one who had just dumped him.

“What is there to talk about?”

“It’s in a few days,” he explained, “I just… don’t want the world to know about this right now.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Can we just… not say anything yet? I don’t want to deal with this during a convention weekend.”

“Rob, you’re the one who just dumped me two days before a con. What do you want me to do?” You asked, feeling frustrated now. Was he really expecting you to pretend that this hadn’t just happened?

“Nothing. Just, don’t do anything.”

“Leave,” you murmured, “please just leave,” you could feel the tears building up again. Not only had he just dumped you, but now he wanted you to go through the weekend pretending as if nothing had happened. You didn’t know if you could do that right now. Eventually, all of what you were feeling was going to catch up to you, you knew it. You didn’t even want to think about being in the same space as him right now, much less having to act as if you two were still doing great in front of your friends and fans.

He hesitated slightly, opening his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. He thought better of it, turning the doorknob and reluctantly walking out of the house. You half expected him to turn around, swing that door open and run back to you. You loved each other. You knew that he loved you. This time, he didn’t come back. You sat on the couch, listening to the sound of his car starting in the driveway and eventually driving off.

You sat in silence, trying to process everything now that you were alone. How did this just happen? If anything, you should’ve dumped him given how absent he had been in this relationship lately. Generally, you were alone. This was nothing new. Now, you felt a hint of panic creep up on you as the information slowly made its way to your brain. You tried to choke back the tears, but this time, it didn’t work. Your uncaring façade had crumbled and you began to sob freely now.  Maybe you should’ve fought for him, should’ve begged him to stay. What if your stubbornness had been the one thing that really did ruin this?


	2. I heard it when you said you were leaving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The split becomes a little too real for Reader when Rob returns to get his stuff.

You spent most of the night wandering the house with no real destination. You allowed yourself to cry, truly hurt over what had happened earlier. While you wouldn’t cry in front of Rob, you took advantage of the fact that you were now alone to let it all out. He had been right in a few instances. Neither of you were happy at this point in your relationship. You kept the fact that you were bitter over constantly being alone well hidden from him. When he was around, you were very happy. You always made sure that he knew that. However, he had been blatantly obvious in that fact that he wasn’t happy. You noticed it during the past few weeks when he was actually at home. He was distant, often cold toward you. But you kept on working at it, knowing that it was just a rough patch. The two of you always got through them.

You kicked yourself over your reaction to him wanting to end things… or rather, your lack of reaction. Truth be told, you were no good at dealing with the really tough stuff, you never had been good at it. Your immediate response was to just shut down, never let them see that they’ve hurt you. Maybe this time, you should have shown a little displeasure at the situation. Maybe you should have tried to stop him.

You had a restless sleep that night. You woke up often, eyes aching from the crying that you did while you attempted to sleep, your face, red and stained with tears. You found yourself reaching over to his side of the bed that you had shared, hand resting on his pillow as you felt the ache in your chest grow. It’s not like you really missed him lying next to you at night, he rarely did as he was away all the time. Still, you desperately wanted him there now. Maybe that was just the heartbreak talking.

* * *

You woke early the next morning, wondering if you had managed to even get a full straight hour of sleep. Your grogginess and headache convinced you otherwise. You grabbed your phone from the bedside, having been startled from your sleep by a notification. Your heart sank when you saw that it was a message from Rob.

_Rob: can I come by today and grab a few things?_

You bit your lip, trying hard not to break down again. You had sort of hoped that it had all either been a bad dream, or perhaps he just needed a night to cool off. You, for a brief moment, thought that maybe he would come back and admit that he had been an idiot. Obviously, that wasn’t the case.

_You: Fine_

You kept it brief, not wanting to say what you were really thinking. You tossed your phone aside, lying in bed for quite a while before you decided that you weren’t going to be able to make up for the sleep that you had lost out on. You pulled yourself from bed, making your way to the kitchen with nothing but the thought of coffee on your mind.

The house was quiet. Too quiet really. It unsettled you as you sat at the table, sipping on your coffee. You couldn’t bring yourself to do anything to break the quiet though. You were, in a sense, numb right now. You knew that Rob was on his way to collect his things only to walk out on you yet again. The knowledge of it brought you anxiety. You weren’t sure if you could hold it together still while he did this again.

You were startled from your thoughts to the sound of the front door opening and then closing softly from the living room. You didn’t even bother to get up, you knew it was him. He was here to destroy you all over again.

He found you in the kitchen while you remained there, still sipping on your coffee. You kept your back to him as you heard him move behind you.

“I wasn’t sure if you would be here,” he said, voice wavering as if he were uncomfortable.

“Where else would I be?” you asked, still not turning to really acknowledge him.

“I just… thought you’d want to be away when I showed up.”

“Well, this is my house too,” you reminded him, “I shouldn’t have to leave just because you’re leaving.”

He didn’t say anything else. You heard him leave the room, heading off to get some of his things together. A part of you wanted to follow him, make him stop. Your heart felt as if it were going to crack. You didn’t want him to walk out again, because this time, you knew he wouldn’t come back. You thought about going to him; letting yourself show some emotion over what was going on, maybe tell him that you needed him to stay, remind him that you loved him. You considered throwing your arms around him, kissing him, trying what you could to remind him why you had stayed together for two years. Again, maybe it was your pride or your stubbornness, but you stopped yourself. You, for once, remembered how unhappy you had been lately. It wasn’t you who should be apologizing. It wasn’t you who should be begging him to stay. The brokenness of your relationship had been his fault. You hated him for the fact that he had caused your unhappiness, as well as his own and in turn, was blaming you for it. Maybe it was time to stop pretending that you were happy, stop pretending that he had done nothing wrong. Maybe you should just let him go.

You must have been lost in your thoughts for a long time; because you heard him return to the room, standing behind you again. You still didn’t turn to look at him. You really couldn’t.

“I just got some stuff that I needed,” he said.

You nodded in response.

“I guess… we can deal with the rest after Vancouver,” he continued.

You nodded again.

You both remained there for a moment, the air tense as neither of you knew what to say.

“Should we talk about Vancouver?” Rob pressed, obviously worried about how this coming weekend would play out between the two of you.

“What is there to talk about?” You finally replied. Rob moved from behind you now, making his way to the table where you sat. He took the chair across from you, trying to maintain distance. Your breath caught when you finally saw him. The man looked terrible. You were sure he had been crying just as much as you had been, at least his eyes looked like he had. He studied your face now, probably thinking the same thing about you.

“We need to make sure that we just… not make a big deal of this right now.”

“What do you mean?”

“Can we please, just not go around telling everyone what is going on? Not yet. I’m not ready for all of that yet,” he hung his head, eyes closed as he spoke.

“What? You realize that our friends will know. They will know something is going on.”

“Not if we just, act normal.”

“You want to pretend that you didn’t just walk out on me? Act as if we’re still this happy couple that everyone adores?”

“Please, just for the weekend. Then we can figure it out.”

“Figure us out?”

“Figure out how to tell people that we aren’t together anymore.” His words were blunt. You felt a sting in your chest at the suddenness of them.

“Ah, okay,” you swallowed hard, choking back tears. Of course he didn’t want to try to fix anything, he just wanted to make it easier on himself. “I don’t know if I can do that.”

“We’re both actors,” he argued, “we act for a living, we can pretend for a few days that we’re okay.”

“Well, this isn’t a fucking TV show Rob. This is real life,” you spat.

“You can’t pretend that you’re that hurt by this,” he said after taking a moment to recoil from your outburst, “You had to have seen it coming, the same way that I did. We weren’t happy. We haven’t been for a long time.”

You bit your tongue, wanting to say exactly what was on your mind in response to his words. You just couldn’t. You couldn’t bring yourself to blame him. For some reason, you decided that it was fine that he was just blaming you.

“You’re right,” you agreed, “we weren’t exactly happy. I just thought that we’d fix whatever it was that was wrong, like we always do.”

“Sometimes, things end up being beyond repair,” Rob muttered, staring down at his hands in his lap, “after a while, there’s just nothing left to fix.”

“Okay,” you said softly, your voice betraying you by cracking slightly, “whatever I did, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that we wasted so much time on each other.”

“It wasn’t a waste,” he said, shaking his head.

“It was,” you argued, “If we can stick it out for two years only to have it end like this, it was a fucking waste of time.”

Rob glanced up at you, eyes red and wet with tears.

“Don’t do that,” you grumbled, angry that he was making himself out to be the one who was hurt by this, “you’re the one leaving, you don’t get to be sad.”

You felt the tears then. All of the tears that you had tried to keep hidden from him were spilling out now and you couldn’t stop them. You covered your face with your hands, sobbing uncontrollably. You didn’t want him to see you like this, but you had failed at hiding it any longer.

“Y/N,” he whispered, “don’t…”

“Don’t tell me that I’m not allowed to cry!” you shouted. You moved your hands down, looking right at him as you continued to cry. “You can’t just walk out on someone like this and tell them that they’re not allowed to be sad.”

“I didn’t say you couldn’t be sad,” he said. He looked almost surprised over seeing you cry. You wondered how he could be so shocked, the man had just hurt you deeply. Decided to walk out on you over something stupid, with no real explanation as to why he was ending things. He studied you for a moment, trying to take in how broken you looked right now. “I just don’t understand why you’re this sad.”

“Really?” You asked, voice raising now, “two years, we gave this two years and just like that, you’re done. I love you, and this fucking hurts.”

“I love you too, Y/N. I always will,” he muttered. You watched him, sort of disgusted when he started to cry. Why was it okay for him to cry when he was the one ruining everything?

“You have a shitty way of showing it.”

“One of us had to end it,” he said, “We weren’t happy, we were both so fucking miserable…”

“One of us was miserable,” you cut in. You felt yourself shaking, growing angrier as he spouted off half-assed excuses as to why he was leaving. “I was never miserable. You made me happy. I’m and idiot and didn’t realize that I couldn’t do that for you.”

Rob sat there, looking defeated as you called him out on how wrong he was. You were trying to wrap your head around the fact that he had been so unhappy in your relationship and you didn’t even realize it; the last thing you needed was for him to blame you in any way. Since he wasn’t responding, you assumed that you were right. You had made him miserable. The kinks in your relationship, the distance he had put between the two of you within the past few months, they were all because of you. You only wished that you knew exactly what you had done.

“You need to leave again,” your words came out as a warning. Maybe it was a warning. For the first time in the history of you and Rob, you were angry with him. Even him being gone most of the time, doing god knows what; you had never been this angry with him. Right now, you felt yourself balling your hands into fists, your face growing hot as you could only think about how pissed you were right now. Pissed over how he was handling this, pissed over how you couldn’t handle this, pissed over the entire situation.

Rob obliged, standing up from his seat and moving past you to make a quick escape. He didn’t look at you as he walked out again, and you felt the hurt all over again. Why wasn’t he trying to do something to fix this? Why did it have to be you every time? Maybe he was really just that great of an actor, walking in here looking as if he were devastated. Why was he so surprised over your devastation? If there was one thing you truly understood about you and Rob, it was that neither of you knew how to rationally communicate with each other through something like this. Your past bickerings always ended in one of you making a joke about it before quickly moving on, forgetting that you had even argued.

While you wanted to just talk to him, you didn’t know how. You weren’t so sure that he knew how either.

All it took was that one stupid argument. One unfortunate disagreement. A heated exchange of words that shouldn’t have been exchanged. You didn’t really think that it would have been something to completely tear everything apart. Had you known then that this would be the result, you would have done what you usually did. You would have just agreed with him, acted as if it weren’t something that bothered you as much as it did. You would have ignored your own feelings for the sake of saving your relationship.

But, all of this couldn’t really be because of the most recent argument you had had. It was trivial, it was stupid. Maybe that was just the thing he needed to finally have a reason to bail. You figured it was something he had been thinking about doing for a while now, he just needed the right moment to make his move.


	3. Take a shot and plot your heart away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In an attempt to keep their split private, Rob neglects to to get himself a separate room at Vancon. Reader is not thrilled about the thought of sharing a room with him after everything. She attempts to drown her sorrows at the bar.

You were set to meet Briana at the airport. You weren’t sure if you could do as Rob had begged and pretend that everything was okay. The past couple of days had been difficult, and you were a mess. All you could do at this point was try to hide that messiness and hope that you didn’t break again. It wasn’t unusual to meet your fellow con friends at the airport and travel with them. Usually, there were more on the same flight, but this time, it was just you and Briana. The only thing that had you worried was the fact that Rob had decided to take a separate flight, which he never did. He was always right by your side when you flew. He knew about your nervousness when it came to flying, and like the good boyfriend that he was, he made sure he was always with you if he could be. Not this this time. He figured it was for the best to not be near you, ‘not when the wounds are still fresh for the both of us,’ he had said. You honestly wanted to punch him in the face when he said it.

Your big worry now was that you were looking for Briana at the airport and you just knew she was going to wonder where the hell Rob was. The woman had no filter and would definitely bring it up. Even worse, she knew you so damn well, you figured she’d easily realize something was wrong. While you didn’t want to give Rob the satisfaction of you playing along with his wish to keep this quiet, you realized that you really weren’t ready for people to know either. You were in constant pain, and you knew that having your friends probing you with questions and concerns was only going to make it worse for you. It was no longer about making sure that Rob wasn’t inconvenienced this weekend, now it was about you keeping your sanity. 

You spotted Briana, waiting for you at the gate. You waved at her, smiling in an attempt to appear normal. You took a deep breath as you approached her, her big smile greeting you as you got closer.

“Bri!” you exclaimed as you pulled her in for a hug. It had been a few weeks since you had seen her, and honestly, it was nice to be near someone that you were close to.

“Y/N! I’m so happy to see you!”

“We literally just saw each other a couple of weeks ago,” you chuckled as the hug ended.

“I know, it’s been too long.”

“Yeah, well, we have a whole weekend to hang out again.”

“Where’s Rob,” she asked suddenly, looking around to try to spot him. You cringed, wondering how you were going to explain this one without seeming too hurt.

“Uh, he had to take a later flight last minute, he had some work to do or something. He’ll be there later tonight.”

“Oh, weird…” she mumbled, “he doesn’t usually let you fly alone.”

“Well, I’m not alone,” you reminded her, “I’ve got you to hold my hand so I don’t freak out.”

“Okay,” she laughed as she picked up her bag, “Vancon, let’s do this!”

* * *

The flight hadn’t been too terrible. You and Briana talked, catching up on each other’s lives as if you hadn’t seen each other in months. She asked a lot about you and Rob and you were surprisingly able to keep it together enough to not raise any red flags. You figured it had been your anxiety over being on a plane that had derailed any doubts she may have had.

When you arrived at your hotel, you checked in after Briana; slightly shocked when the clerk recited back the details of your room.

“Yourself and a Mr. Rob Benedict? King size bed?”

“Oh, uh, yeah.” You were sort of surprised that Rob hadn’t immediately arranged to have separate rooms this weekend. You felt your anxiety grow over the idea of still having to share a room with him. After everything that had happened, all of the tense emotions, the things that should be discussed that probably wouldn’t be; you didn’t know if you could handle this. Your plan had been to avoid him all weekend. You weren’t sure how that would work when you were sharing a room with him. You quickly signed the papers that the woman handed you, thanking her as she handed you the room keys.

You and Briana walked together toward the elevators to the rooms. You, still wrestling with the idea of being in such close quarters with Rob this weekend.

“You okay?” Briana asked, her face scrunched up in disapproval.

You quickly faked a smile, “yeah, why wouldn’t I be.”

“You just looked sort of surprised when she checked you in.”

“Oh, no, I wasn’t surprised,” you thought hard about what to say to ease her mind, “just, I don’t know…”

“You miss Rob, don’t you?” She shot you a smile.

“Yeah,” you answered quickly, “I can’t remember the last time I checked into a hotel without him here.”

“He’ll be here soon, right?” You nodded, letting her know that she was right. “we got here early enough, you two can have your alone time together.”

You half smiled at her, not really wanting to think about it.

* * *

Once you had made it to your room, you showered, attempting to wash the airplane smell off of you. Flying was the worst and you hated every aspect of it. Everything from the anxiety over every little jolt felt during turbulence, the too-close seats, and the terrifying landing left you a wreck every time.

Once you were clean and dressed again, you flopped down on your bed, realizing that you needed to catch up on some sleep. You were never able to sleep on planes, you were too busy worrying that something would go wrong. This particular flight had been the worst now that you didn’t have Rob there to talk you through it. Briana had been a comfort, but it wasn’t the same. Truth be told, you hadn’t even slept well at home. You assumed crying yourself to sleep every night would help you achieve a long night’s rest, but it only left you waking feeling groggy with that persistent headache that you had been fighting for the past few days.

You closed your eyes, hoping that you could at least nap a little without waking up from the stress.

* * *

You woke from a sound sleep to a loud knocking on your door. You groaned as you sat up, head pounding again. Obviously, you hadn’t slept well again.

“I’m coming!” you shouted, certain that it was Briana or one of the other girls visiting.

However, when you opened the door, it was not Briana standing there. It wasn’t even Kim or Ruth. You felt your heart sink again, your stomach turning into knots when you saw Rob standing there.

“I tried to check in but the lady said you already picked up both keys,” Rob stammered. He too looked surprised to see you for some reason.

“Rob…” you mumbled, “I wasn’t really expecting you to…”

“To show up?” he finished, “I couldn’t just get us separate rooms, could I? Everyone would immediately know something was up.”

“You really intend to stay here?” You asked angrily. The nerve of him. You knew that he had kept the room under both your names, you even freaked out a bit over the idea of him sharing a room with you still. But, you had talked yourself down when you realized why he had done it and just assumed he had plans to sleep elsewhere.

“Where else do I stay?” He asked.

“Hmm, you raise a good question,” you replied, running your hand across your chin as if you were really pondering his question, “good luck with that.” You stepped back into the room, closing the door behind you and leaving him out in the hallway. You waited, knowing that he was going to be knocking again. Sure enough, there it was. You opened the door again, peeking out at him.

“Y/N,” he said in frustration, “I know it’s not ideal, but we have to at least try to keep anyone from asking questions. I don’t want to deal with it right now, and I know you don’t either.”

You studied him; taking note of how defeated he looked. Why did he still look as if he had been crying for days? That was supposed to be your thing.

“Should’ve waited until after the con to dump me then,” you said.

Rob shook his head, “I’m sorry about when it happened, but it did. Please, just let me in. We can still be adults about this.”

You reluctantly stepped aside, holding the door open wider for him to enter. He let out a flustered sigh as he collected his luggage and entered the room. This is where it gets awkward. How do you act around your ex-boyfriend who quite literally destroyed your heart and is now sharing a room with you? You stood there, uneasy at the way the room instantly grew tense at his presence. This wasn’t going to work. You couldn’t do this.

“Can’t you stay with Rich or something?” You asked finally.

“If I asked to stay with Rich, he’d ask what was going on with us,” Rob explained as he sat in a chair across the room from you, “I’d rather not explain anything to anyone right now.”

“I guess I can ask Briana if she has room for me then,” you muttered. You made your way to the bed to retrieve your phone.

“Don’t.” Rob said suddenly. You stopped and looked at him. “Then you’ll have to explain to her… can we please just not make a big deal out of this?”

“You really think it’s a good idea for us to be in the same room right now? Rob, I can barely look at you without wanting to either; punch you in the face or break down in tears.”

Rob’s eyes darted up to meet yours, still looking pained. You decided the want to punch him was much stronger than your need to cry.

“Of course it’s probably not a good idea,” he said, “but you know how our friends are. The second they realize something is off, they’re never going to leave us alone.”

He was right, he always was. You understood his need for keeping this quiet for a while. You hadn’t really considered it until you too realized that you really didn’t want people to know. You wanted to avoid the embarrassment and the questions for as long as you could. You both remained in silence for some time. Neither of you really had anything to say to each other, and if you did, it was only going to turn into another fight. You weighed your options, deciding in the end that it was for the best to just not fight him on this. Luckily, he worked pretty much all day long at the cons. Really, the only time the two of you would even be in the room was to sleep, which he also tended to skip out on when the guys convinced him to go out for drinks. Honestly, even during con weekends you rarely saw him. You were beginning to wonder how you had put up with his absence for as long as you had.

“Fine,” you grumbled, shoving your phone in your pocket and grabbing your purse off the bed, “but you can have the couch.”

“Where are you going?” He asked, watching you as you gathered your things.

“Wow, I just realized something,” you said as you put on your jacket, “you don’t get to ask me that anymore. It’s no longer your business what I do.”

He frowned, looking put off at your annoyance at him. Regardless of how hurt you were feeling, how angry you were with him, he still had a way of making you feel a little guilty when you were rude to him. You had a mix of emotions right now; remorseful over possibly hurting his feelings, angry at the stupidity of the situation, and hurt by him having left you. It was too much to take at this point.

“I’m going out,” you assured him, “I’m not going to say anything to anyone, but I can’t be in the same room with you if I can avoid it.”

“Y/N…” Rob called after you as you reached for the door, “we… we can still be friends right?”

You stopped in your tracks, letting his question sink in a little before deciding to react. You and Rob had started out as friends. You had some things in common, but mostly the friendship had turned very physical, very quickly. You moved into a romantic relationship after some time of dating and getting to know each other; but you had honestly fallen hard for him and vice versa. There was a time when you couldn’t get enough of each other. Despite all of the differences and the eventual disagreements, you knew that the fact that you two respected each other and were friends is what kept this relationship going. Right now, he wanted to remove himself from the romantic part of your relationship and revert back to how things had been before you had decided you were in love.

“No,” you said carefully. You didn’t want to hurt his feelings, although he deserved it, but you also didn’t want to lead him to believe that things would be okay now that you were split. “I can’t be your friend anymore, Rob.”

“Just because we’re not together, doesn’t mean that we can’t just… get along.”

You turned to face him, taking a deep breath as you prepared yourself to say the words that you really didn’t want to say. “I can’t be friends with someone that I love, who I thought loved me… who decided to break my heart for reasons that I don’t even know.”

“You keep acting like you don’t know why this has happened…”

“Because I don’t!” you shouted. “You keep saying these things and it just doesn’t make sense. Are you seeing someone else? Did you dump me so that you could be with someone else?”

“Jesus, Y/N,” he looked at you, shaking his head with a look of disgust on his face. “Of course not. That’s not what this is.”

“Right,” you nodded, turning from him again. You knew that wasn’t what this was. That wasn’t Rob. You had sort of hoped that he would outright tell you that this was the reason. At least then this would all make sense. “I know it’s not.”

“I don’t know what else you want me to say,” Rob muttered.

“Don’t say anything,” you replied as you reached for the doorknob again, “but you need to understand that we are not friends. Not anymore. I can’t be okay with someone who says that they care about me but has no problem doing this.”

“People break up all the time, Y/N. Sometimes relationships just end. That doesn’t mean that we have to constantly be at each other’s throats.”

“I don’t intend to continue fighting with you,” you replied, “once this weekend is over, we can just be done. You won’t have to talk to me and I certainly won’t talk to you. We can just go back to not knowing each other.”

“I don’t want that,” he argued. He stood from his chair, stepping slowly toward you.

“Really?” You scoffed at him.

“No, I can’t imagine what it would be like to not have you in my life anymore. I mean, we work together, we’re going to still be around each other. I still care about you. I do love you.”

You didn’t want to get angry, you were truthfully tired at how angry you had been with him. But, his constant vague explanation as to why he didn’t want you anymore and the way he kept reminding you how much he cared for you was exhausting. You knew you shouldn’t keep bringing it up. You didn’t want to keep having a reason to fight with him. The fact that he was talking about being friends and how much he still loved you, was throwing you off. Sure, he was saying all of this to seem like less of an asshole, he was trying to lessen the blow. It wasn’t working though. None of his words were easing any of this.

“Please, stop telling me that you love me, stop saying that you care about me…” your eyes welled with tears, mostly out of frustration at his words. “You don’t ruin someone that you care about. You don’t get to break my heart and tell me that you still love me.”

“That’s not what I’m trying to do,” he started. He moved closer to you, lifting his hands awkwardly as if he wanted to hold you, maybe comfort you. You immediately opened the door, stopping him from moving any closer. You walked out, still sobbing as you let the door close behind you.

* * *

You wandered the hotel with no real idea as to where you were going or what you were doing. All you knew was that you needed to be away from Rob and you needed to clear your head. It wasn’t until you stumbled upon the hotel bar that you decided where you needed to be tonight. Normally, you didn’t drink very often. If there was one thing about you that even you couldn’t handle, it was your alcohol tolerance. Your convention friends were constantly out, enjoying drinks and each other’s company. You had found out years ago that you couldn’t keep up with most of them. You had tried on countless occasions, because you really enjoyed going out with them; but eventually, you decided you were better off as the slightly tipsy or sober friend who made sure everyone else made it home safely.

Right now, you figured the risk of a hangover in an attempt to forget everything, was worth it. You entered the bar, taking a seat at the counter and immediately ordered a beer and a shot. Beer, that was okay for you usually. You were always able to recognize your limit with those, but it had been a long time since you indulged in liquor. You sat there alone, staring at your drinks for a long time. You finally picked up the shot glass, downing the entire thing in one swift motion. The liquor burned as it went down and you grimaced, fighting the urge to gag at the taste. You quickly chased it with your beer, giving yourself a moment to recollect yourself before ordering another shot.

* * *

You didn’t know how long you had been sitting at the bar before Briana and Kim had found you. It must have been a while, because you had an impressive collection of shot glasses sitting in front of you. You squinted, trying to adjust your blurry eyes on Briana’s face as she stood next to you.

“Y/N,” she said, “what are you doing?”

You tried to focus on her, “drinking, what’s it look like?” You definitely slurred your words as you answered her.

“You’re drunk,” Kim added. She had been holding onto your arm, which was helpful considering that even you realized you were swaying in your seat.

“That’s what happens in a bar,” you slurred again.

“Jesus, Y/N,” Briana said as she took the beer bottle from your hand and placed it on the counter. “I think you’re done.”

“I’m not done,” you replied, reaching for the drink that she had so cruelly taken away from you. She grabbed it again, moving further out of your reach. “That’s rude,” you pouted.

“You never drink,” Kim pointed out, “why are you sitting here, wasted in a hotel bar? Where’s Rob?” She glanced around the space, looking for him. You watched her, trying to focus.

“Who knows?” You answered. You closed your eyes tight as you felt the room begin to spin. “I don’t have to have him with me all the time. And, I’m not wasted, I just had a few drinks.”

“Trust me, you’re wasted.” Briana had her phone against her ear. You listened as she waited for the person that she was calling to answer. “Rob?” Jesus, she was really calling him right now. “Were you aware that your girlfriend is currently drunk in a hotel bar?”

You obviously couldn’t hear the conversation on his end, in fact, it was becoming more difficult to focus on what Briana was even saying. You tried to stand up when you realized that Briana was calling Rob to come get you. Of course, a good boyfriend wouldn’t leave his girlfriend at a bar alone like this. No matter how drunk you were, you knew that you couldn’t handle having him come collect you. You stumbled as you stood up, now realizing that you had probably overdone it. Kim kept her grip on you, steadying you as you tried to keep you balance. Yeah, you were drunk. Too drunk. You sort of hoped the girls would just take you back to your room, but you knew that Rob was most likely on his was.

“Please, just sit,” Kim begged as she tried to hold you up. Your legs definitely weren’t working and your head spun even worse now that you were standing. “Wait for Rob.”

Defeated, you did as she had asked. You knew you were in no position to try to walk it off. You didn’t want to see Rob again, but you were unable to relay your feelings about it. You sat back down as Kim had asked, giving up on trying to avoid what was inevitable. Shortly after the girls had found you, Rob entered the bar. He was already dressed in pajamas, hair a mess, glasses perched atop his nose. He had obviously been sleeping and had hurriedly left the room to retrieve you. You suddenly felt sick upon seeing him there. The whole point of tonight was to drink yourself into forgetting about what had happened, to forget about him for just a moment. Now, you felt a rush of emotions that you didn’t think was possible given how drunk you were. He approached you slowly, shaking his head in frustration.

“Honey, what the hell are you doing?” He said. He sounded disappointed as he wrapped an arm around your waist, lifting you from the bar stool. You swayed in one spot for a moment, leaning into him as he tried to steady you. You didn’t answer him. You really didn’t want to talk to him, all you wanted was for him to get you out of there as you were overcome with embarrassment suddenly.

“Thanks ladies,” he said to Kim and Briana, “I’m not sure what this is all about.” The girls nodded to him, watching as he began to lead you from the bar. You may have been very inebriated, which was just your attempt at trying not to feel anything, but being this close to him definitely made you feel a lot of things. You wished you could walk on your own, the last thing you needed was for him to be touching you.

* * *

Once inside the room, Rob led you to the bed, letting you drop to the mattress as you were no longer able to stand on your own.

“You’re welcome,” he said grumpily as he removed your shoes for you, helping you get under the covers so that you could sleep it off.

“I never wanted you to come get me,” you mumbled.

“Yeah, well, I can’t leave you alone at a bar. That would be pretty shitty of me. What were you even thinking? You know you can’t handle your alcohol.”

“I was thinking that I just wanted… I just didn’t’ want to think anymore,” you felt yourself tear up. You realized that the whole reason for your bender was to numb what you had been feeling, only this time, it didn’t work. If anything, you just felt sadder.

“Y/N…” Rob said softly, shaking his head at you.

“Please don’t do this.” You heard yourself say the words before you could even think to stop yourself. “Tell me what I did wrong, tell me how to fix this.”

The one thing that you had promised yourself since this had all started was that you wouldn’t ever beg him to stay with you. It was your pride that kept you from doing it before, and the fact that you really didn’t want him to feel forced into staying with you. Now; you were drunk crying, pleading for him to reconsider. You wanted to remain uncaring, but the truth was that you were really devastated. You couldn’t stand the thought of being without him. 

“I love you,” there it was again. More words that you didn’t really want to say right now.

You should have been continuing to act rudely toward him, make him feel bad for being such a dick. That’s what you really wanted to do. It must have been the large quantity of alcohol that you had consumed tonight, because the truth spilled from you without you really wanting it to.

He didn’t reply right away. He ran a hand across your cheek to wipe away the tears that had already started to stain your face.

“Go to sleep, Y/N,” he said, “I promise that this will get easier.”

He moved away from you, taking his place back on the couch. You couldn’t watch him or focus right now. You stared up at the ceiling, wondering if you had really just broken your rule by begging him to stay with you. The room began to spin and you shut your eyes tight in an attempt to make it stop. You couldn’t be sure if it was because of your drunkenness or your broken heart, but you cried yourself to sleep while the world around you continued to spin out of control.


	4. Let go of the hurt inside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still reeling from an embarrassing night, Reader spends the next day avoiding Rob. Unfortunately, she can’t escape the fact that their friends and their fans are completely oblivious to their split.

The next morning, you woke up with the worst headache you have ever had. Your head throbbed and your vision was blurry. You could taste the alcohol in your mouth still, along with other unpleasant tastes. You had a brief flashback of you definitely throwing up in the toilet in the middle of the night; hair being held back by the ever-thoughtful Rob. Even during a breakup that he had initiated, he managed to remain the good guy. You still hated him a little bit for that.

You felt a sudden wave of embarrassment now that you were awake and reliving the events from last night. You had made a fool of yourself; drinking yourself into stupidity and subsequently saying things to Rob that you didn’t want to say. Of course, most of the night was lost in your mind, but leave it to you to remember the cringe-worthy parts.

You willed yourself up, room still spinning as you realized that you just might still be drunk. Taking a moment to glance around the room, eyes adjusting to the daylight that peeked through the blinds, you noticed that Rob was already gone. You groaned in pain as you got up, knowing that you had a panel this morning with the guys. All you could do was force yourself to shower and get ready, hoping that the headache and dizziness would subside before then.

* * *

Once you had made your way to the green room, you laid on a couch, still in pain and still very drunk. You were only grateful for the fact that Rob wasn’t around. You honestly didn’t know if you could face him again after last night. You closed your eyes, determined to get a bit more rest before you had to go through with the panel.

“Y/N,” you heard a voice call for you, “I assume you’re feeling fantastic this morning.”

You pulled one eye open as Briana stepped into view. “Hey, Bri,” you said softly.

“Wild night?”

“You know it.”

“I have to say, I haven’t seen you like that in a really long time,” she mused, eyes studying you, “what the hell was that all about anyway?”

“I just felt the need to drink,” you replied, “unfortunately; I still can’t handle my liquor.”

“Probably didn’t help that you seemed pretty sad yesterday.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You try to brush it off, or hide it I think,” she explained, “but I could tell yesterday that you seemed sad about something. And when Rob came and got your drunk ass from the bar, you just seemed worse.”

“It’s nothing, Bri,” you lied, “it’s the usual with us. I just got a little too upset with him and made the stupid decision to drink about it.”

“I hope you’re feeling better today then.” She said, “I mean emotionally. I can’t do much for the hangover.”

“I’ll be fine,” you smiled warmly at her, trying not to show that you were in fact, not fine.

“Yeah, the two of you always are.”

You forced another smile, wishing that she was right this time.

* * *

You had managed to avoid Rob for most of the morning, or, maybe he had managed to avoid you. Either way, last night had been painfully humiliating for you and you really didn’t want to face him. You knew that eventually you would have to face him considering you had a panel with the guys today. For the time being, all you could do was exactly what Rob had asked of you; act as if everything were okay.

Your panel with the guys had started off smoothly. You were still trying to ease yourself out of your hangover, sipping on coffee and trying to not make it noticeable that your head ached each time the audience erupted into applause. Spending some time in the greenroom beforehand had proven to be useful as the girls worked out hangover cures for you. While you weren’t exactly okay before the panel, you thought you could handle it. At least the headache was dissipating by then and you didn’t feel like you wanted to throw up on your shoes anymore.

You were able to keep up with the joking and the banter, forgetting for a moment that you were in fact, in a lot of emotional pain upon seeing Rob. It was only when you’d glance over him that you would go right back into scorned ex-lover mode, maybe shooting him a few glares but quickly regaining your composure. It wasn’t until the questions directed at the two of you came up that made things a little difficult.

“You,” Rich said, pointing to a young lady off to the side.

“Hi, my question is for Rob and Y/N…” You felt your heart drop, but you kept a smile on regardless. You knew this wasn’t going to be easy.

“Shoot,” Rob encouraged her.

“I wanted to know, I think we all wanted to know, since you two have been together for some time now; do you ever think about working together? Like, we’ve yet to see Y/N on Kings of Con.”

Okay, that wasn’t so bad.

“Good question,” Rich said. He turned to Rob, “well, Robbie, any plans?”

“Actually, we wrote a part for her for season two,” Rob explained. It was true. Before everything between you and Rob turned to shit, he had asked you to be on the show, writing your character in as a love interest. You hadn’t thought about it much since they were still trying to find a home for the show, but at the time, the idea of him writing his girlfriend into the show as his love interest was really sweet. It was something that you had looked forward to at one point, actually being able to act alongside him.

“She’s going to be great on the show, I’m excited to work with her,” Matt chimed in.

“You only say that because you get to hit on her,” Rob said.

“Hey, I didn’t write it,” Matt chuckled.

“I might write in a make out scene for the two of you,” Rich said, motioning between you and Matt, “just to get back at Rob for kissing your wife.”

Matt threw his hands up, looking excited over the possibility, “I’m down for that.”

You looked at Rob, not really knowing why. This whole thing was awkward. You couldn’t be positive, but he seemed to look a bit hurt over the joke.

“Hey now,” he warned, “no one gets to kiss my girlfriend but me.”

You closed your eyes, trying hard not to react. Just the sound of him still calling you his girlfriend hurt beyond anything you had felt up to that point. Strange how one little word can cause so much pain.

“Not fair,” Matt argued.

“No, but it’s my show.”

“Over there,” Rich said, moving to the opposite side of the stage as he called on the next fan.

“Hello,” the girl mumbled nervously. You all waved to her, hoping to ease her nerves. “I also have a question for Rob and Y/N.”

Rob smiled at her, “okay.”

“I was wondering if you’ll be singing together at the concert on Saturday.”

“Of course,” Rob said, “we always sing together, we love it. We talked about a few different songs, but haven’t really decided yet.” Rob looked at you, waiting for you to join in on the answer. You realized you had been sitting there silently and uncomfortably for a long time.

“We haven’t actually talked about anything,” you started. You stopped yourself when you noticed how rude you sounded. In fact, you hadn’t discussed the concert at all. You and Rob always sang some sort of duet together. It was always a moment that you loved. You truly enjoyed performing with him. However, the idea of singing with him now really put you in a tough spot. “But, I’m sure Rob will pick something good.”

“Whatever they choose to do at the last minute, it will be amazing as always,” Rich said.

There were more questions; the usual… questions about pranks, funny stories, other projects you were each working on. Someone had asked about your reoccurring role on Supernatural and Rob and Rich each told their own sides to the bed story that had already been told many times before. Right near the end of the panel, you thought you had been able to dodge anything too uncomfortable. You breathed easier, knowing that you could get away without anyone catching on to anything.

“Last question,” Rich pointed to the side of the stage, “make it a good one.”

“This is for Rob and Y/N,” the girl began. Of course it was, it seemed as if you and Rob couldn’t even be singled out anymore. The fans had come to know you as a couple and they loved you as one. The panels were always filled with questions directed at both of you, you were used to it, but it was just really difficult today. “You’ve been together a long time. Will we ever see you get married?”

Well, that was a new one. You could honestly say that that one had never been asked. You felt nervous again, felt the tears welling up as you tried to remain calm. No way could you lose it on stage.

“Wow, we’ve never been asked that,” Rob mumbled into the microphone. He turned to you, his eyes pleading with you to help him with this one. It was obvious that might not be able to hold it together either. Again, you hated him for looking so heartbroken right now. How dare he?

“Well,” you began, trying to figure out how to answer the question without giving away too much, “I think that the both of us don’t really view marriage as something that is necessary. I guess, when you’re happy together…” you felt yourself choke up at your lies, “you just focus on staying happy. Honestly, marriage has never been something we’ve talked about.” That was a lie. “I mean, we’ve only been together a couple of years, there are couples who date for way longer and don’t get married ever.”

“So, you’re saying you’d never marry Rob?” Rich joked. You wanted to slap him, tell him that this wasn’t funny. You wanted people to know the truth if only to keep them from making this so awkward.

“I never said that, I’m just saying that marriage isn’t the most important part of a relationship. It doesn’t fix things; and if you’re truly happy together, it shouldn’t be something that needs to be rushed.”

“I think you’re pretty spot on Y/N,” Matt replied, “I mean, marriage isn’t for everyone. You don’t have to be married to have a great relationship.”

“Says the guy who’s married,” Rob cut in. He gave a fake laugh, trying to make it into a joke. You felt yourself tense up now, upset that he was possibly going there right now. You knew it was a touchy subject for him, and he wasn’t amused at all. Hell, he was probably pissed at your response to the question, but that didn’t really matter anymore.

Rob turned to the woman who had asked the question, “thank you,” he said, quickly trying to end the entire mess that was unfolding on stage.

Before you knew it, the band was playing as you and Matt exited the stage. Rob and Rich remained, getting ready to keep the show going. You sighed heavily now that you were out of sight and off that damn stage finally.

You didn’t bother to stick around for anything else. You knew you had some photo ops and autographs coming up later in the day, so you figured you would use your free time to go back to the room and try to sleep off the still present hangover.

* * *

You had managed to get a couple hours of sleep before it was back to work. Heading back down to the convention, you felt a lot better aside from the slight headache that you had. All you had to do was get through some autographs tonight and of course, photo ops. Photo ops were usually a breeze. People moved through the line quickly and they generally didn’t go on for long. Today, you would have to sit for a bit through Rob’s ops, moving into a trio op with you, Rob, and Osric; and ending with your solo ops. You only hoped that they went by as quickly as they usually did.

In the photo op room, Rob had already started his photos, so you sat at a chair on the side, head suddenly pounding from the sound of Chris’ too-loud music that always gave you a headache anyway. It helped the man work quickly, so you never complained. Sometimes, you’d even join in on the dancing that happened with the other actors. You sat quietly, watching Rob although you really didn’t want to. He just looked so happy, you could only hope that you could pretend to be that happy when it was your turn to take pictures. Osric joined you shortly after you sat down; leaning in to try to make conversation but you could barely hear yourself think. You decided to nod at him occasionally, acting as if you knew what he was saying.

Eventually, it was time to move on to the trio ops. You took your place next to Rob as you usually did, avoiding eye contact this time. You just wanted to get through it. The poses hadn’t been too severe. The worst of it was the fans who wanted group hugs, which in turn meant you had to be in close proximity to Rob. Each photo like this made your heart drop, made you miss him even more, made you that much more angry with him. The two of you never spoke, and you were sure there would be talk about the lack of flirting going on between you, as it was an almost expected thing when you were together anywhere. When group ops ended, Rob and Osric left the room quickly; Rob not even acknowledging you as he rushed out. At least now you could get through your photos without feeling too uncomfortable.

After panels were done for the day; you and the others got through autographs. Usually, you were friendly and excited to meet the fans. Today, you rushed through them, only wanting to be done for the day. You were exhausted from the emotional toll everything had taken on you and you were sure your hangover was coming back full-force. You tried your hardest to be polite, but you really didn’t take too much time to chat with anyone. You were sure you’d hear all about your crankiness later on social media.

You were the first one done, and you hurriedly left the room; noticing Rob, Rich, Matt, and some of the others getting close to finishing up. Your goal was to get back to the room before Rob did that night and hopefully be asleep before you even had to think about facing him again.

* * *

Once inside your shared room, you claimed the bed again. You crawled under the covers with only the thought of sleep on your mind. You really needed to get your rest before tomorrow since you would have another panel and more photo ops to do. You certainly didn’t want to feel like crap again. You also knew you had to attend the concert, although you had been thinking of ways to get out of it all day.

Before you could get too comfortable, your phone beeped with a notification, which you cautiously checked.

_Rich: Karaoke? You’re not here?_

_You: Not tonight._

_Rich: you never miss karaoke_

_You: there’s a first time for everything. I’m not feeling well._

_Rich: who’s gonna wear the tiger costume?_

_You: you’ll find someone._

_Rich: hangover still?_

_You: yup. Goodnight._

_Rich: Robbie’s gonna be bummed._

“ _No, he’s not_.” You thought to yourself. You hadn’t ever stopped to think about how it may have upset Rob in the past when you weren’t around for these things. Apparently, the idea bummed him out often enough. Little did your friends realize that this wasn’t the case anymore. You decided against even responding. Instead, you tossed your phone aside, finally making yourself comfortable as you quickly drifted off to sleep.


	5. Remember that time we fell in love?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Backstory

_You had joined the convention circuit shortly after your first appearance on Supernatural. At the time, you weren’t sure how your role would play out since most characters didn’t stick around long. Luckily for you, your character quickly became a fan favorite. Before you knew it, you were working regularly on the show and had eventually become a permanent guest at the conventions. This opportunity was something that you really loved about your job. Not only did you get to meet fans, but you were also able to develop relationships with other actors who weren’t Jensen, Jared, or Misha. That’s not to say that you didn’t love the guys, but it was great to meet other actors from the show._

_You had quickly formed close relationships with many people that you never actually got to act with. Upon your very first convention, one of the first people that you had met was Rob. You could recall the butterflies you felt the moment he introduced himself to you; that big smile that accentuated his laugh lines, those piercing blue eyes, and that laugh. You immediately knew that he was going to be trouble, you just didn’t realize then how much he would change your life._

_The flirting between the two of you was instant. You couldn’t help yourself. You found yourself flustered around him, but the flirting happened almost naturally. The first time you had shown him any interest, it sent the man into a state of panic, which caused you to back off right away. It was never your intention to make him uncomfortable, you were just very attracted to him. Almost as soon as you had toned down your flirtations, Rob seemed to become more comfortable with you. He wasn’t very good at it, but he had definitely started to flirt right back. That’s how it went for a long time. The two of you paying compliments to each other and often engaging in, what some would view as inappropriate discussions._

_It was never in your plans to get involved with someone that you worked with. You simply enjoyed teasing him and, honestly, you really enjoyed looking at him. The two of you had some things in common, but mostly you disagreed on a lot. You would often engage in trite arguments of something that you couldn’t agree on. Sometimes these disagreements became heated, but you were able to laugh them off easily. Even when you argued, the attraction remained and often felt greater when you were in a heated discussion._

_One night, after a particularly fun night of karaoke, the cast got together for the ceremonial party following a successful night. By this time, you had already learned that you didn’t do well trying to keep up with these guys when it came to drinking, so you indulged in a couple of beers until you reached the perfect stage of tipsy; where you weren’t a drunken mess, but still feeling pretty good. Rob had sought you out and the two of you sat at a table, flirting, until the conversation turned very heated very quickly. You couldn’t recall what had been discussed, even if you thought hard about it, which meant it was something stupid and unimportant. All you knew was that he had said something to piss you off and you stormed out of the room to cool off. Rob had followed you, as he usually did when he said something to get under your skin. If anything, he was very good about apologizing even if it wasn’t his fault._

_Once you were both alone in the hallway, he grabbed you by the arm, trying to keep you from running off. He apologized for whatever it was that he had said to make you angry. You never could stay mad at him. You remembered that you shot back at him with a smart-ass remark. You half-expected him to walk away, as you always managed to get him to do so with your ability to keep up with his banter. Instead, he had pressed you against the wall, studying your face with a fire in his eyes. Licking his lips, which were only a few inches from your own, he had said, “You are infuriating.”_

_You grinned mischievously as his remark, eager to play along. “I think you kind of like it, Robbie.” You had leaned in closer to him until your lips were just ghosting his. You half expected him to back down. After all; the man may talk a big game, but he was generally anxious and became panicked if you managed to get too friendly with him. This time however, he appeared bolder than usual._

_“I think you’re right,” he said softly, those blue eyes still burning into you._

_This would be your first kiss. Before you could make some asinine remark, before either of you could think, he was crashing his lips against yours. You had been startled. You never in a million years expected this from him; hell, you never thought of your mutual flirting as anything other than just that. Just when you considered shoving him away, you realized how good his lips felt pressed against yours. You allowed yourself to melt into the kiss, closing your eyes as the initial shock wore off. Your head began to swim, your nose tingling (which may have been from the alcohol), and your knees weakened as he gave you what was quite possibly the greatest kiss of your life._

_“You wanna get out of here?” he had asked when the kiss ended and you both came back for air. You nodded, still in a daze as he whisked you off to his room that night._

_Your relationship had never been officially established. After that first kiss, that first night together, the two of you became inseparable. The physicality of it was addicting and the two of you quickly realized that you were deeply in love. Nothing ever had to be said, no one had to come right out and say that this was a relationship. Eventually, the two of you had just known it._

_Your relationship had become a large part of your lives on the convention circuit. Even from the beginning, it was really the only time you spent together. Rob had always been a busy man, and you enjoyed the con tours even more for the fact that you could spend time together. Nothing ever had to be said to your friends or even the fans. When you and Rob unknowingly fell into your relationship, everyone else sort accepted it. Rich used to joke that “everyone else knew you were in love before you did.”_

_Eventually, you had fallen into a normal life back home; or, at least as normal as your lives could actually get. You bought a home together after a year of officially dating, that’s when you considered your relationship to be very serious. There had been some talk later on of marriage and children, but that was during a time when you were coming to terms with the fact that Rob was simply not going to be around as much as you wanted him to be. Between conventions, television shows, movies, recording albums, and playing shows and touring with his bands; there wasn’t a lot of time in his life left for you. Truth be told, you had given up a lot and turned down many offers for work simply so that you could keep yourself available to see him when he by chance did have a spare moment for you._

_Because of this, the idea of marriage and children were not things you were considering. You had gotten to a point where you felt like you were fighting just to keep the relationship together. This had been the basis for the ridiculous disagreement that Rob would eventually use against you. “We’re two very different people; we don’t want the same things.” It was never that you didn’t want those things; it just didn’t seem fair to be a part of those things with someone who was never around._

_Rob had been right in one instance. You really should’ve seen it coming. Leading up to him walking out on you, things weren’t exactly great between you. He had become distant and cold toward you. Even when he wasn’t working, it seemed as if he did what he could to avoid you. But, you kept working at it. You knew deep down that it was your own fault. You had pushed him away by neglecting him of the things that he wanted, but somehow, you had to stand your ground about the things you wanted._

_It had seemed doomed from the start. You were very different people, with very different personalities and needs. You tried to remain realistic, understanding what it took to be in a relationship, and that certain things didn’t fix problems just because they seem like a good idea. You also realized that your lives were far too complicated and busy at the time to think about adding more to them. Rob unfortunately, he was very much the opposite. He was optimistic, and very set on the idea of having stability in his life despite the fact that his life was anything but stable. You never knew what he was up to most of the time and he always had something new going on. Regardless, you understood that he believed having a wife and children would add the stability that he so desperately needed. You on the other hand, refused to put yourself into a position of giving up more of your career than you already had for him just to give him a sense of constancy that would only be a lie given that he would never be around anyway._

_Of course, you never told him any of this. While you were fairly outspoken and realistic, it was never in your capacity to ever do anything to make him feel bad. You couldn’t tell him that his constant absence was the cause for your unhappiness. You couldn’t tell him that you didn’t want a family with him because you feared you would be doing it all on your own. You only tried to work on things the best you could, giving up pieces of yourself and your own career to make sure that he was happy._

_Happiness had become short lived for the both of you. When you noticed his unhappiness, it overshadowed your own. Before you ever thought to make yourself happy, you were desperate to focus on keeping him happy. Deep down, you sort of knew he was going to leave. It certainly didn’t lessen the blow when he did._

_You refused to acknowledge that you saw the unhappiness, the tension that was present. Acknowledging that you were both unhappy was only admitting to the fact that you had caused this… it was admitting to your failures. The last thing you ever wanted was to fail him. Because regardless of how often you argued or how lonely you were when he was gone or how sad you felt when he acted cold toward you; you loved him. The worst of it was when you realized that you loved him more than you loved yourself sometimes. You didn’t want to admit it to yourself, but you knew that this was always going to be the biggest downfall to your relationship._


	6. If I put it in song, will my heart still heal?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader finally reaches her breaking point.

The last thing you wanted to do was be a part of the Saturday night concert. The entire convention up to this point had been terrible for you. You had managed to avoid Rob for most of it, and you were sure he had intended to do the same anyway. Now, you had to take part in this concert that was actually a big deal on the circuit. You had considered backing out of singing tonight, but it was something that you, as well as many of the other actors, just did. It was expected. If you chose not to sing with Rob tonight, you would be ending a 2-year long streak of performing with the band at every convention. Just this once, you decided to go with it. After tonight, you weren’t so sure if being a part of this night would be a good idea anymore.

You sat backstage with the rest of the cast, listening as the band played a number of their older songs. Matt joined them for his song; followed by Briana, Kim, Ruth, and even Jensen. There was always so much going on. The band would play original songs, everyone would take turns joining them for covers, even Schmelke, Rich, and Mark would join in, taking over their chosen instruments for a song or two. Jason also popped in for a few songs.

Near the end of the set, you realized that they had neglected to play anything from their most recent album. They were literally playing their old stuff. The recent album had been finished last year and they had continued to play songs from it to keep people interested in it. You wondered why tonight was different.

When it was your turn to sing, you suddenly grew nervous. Not about getting up there in front of everyone, you were used to that part. Right now, your nerves were solely because you would be singing with Rob again. No one here knew what you were feeling. How could they? So far, you had kept your breakup private, not even your friends knew what was going on. You sort of wished that they did know. Maybe then they would be more understanding of how horrible you felt over the idea of singing with Rob.

Earlier, during the band meeting that you were forced to attend, Rob had suggested that the two of you, along with Jason, perform ‘Long Train Runnin’. Whenever Jason was able to attend cons, the three of you always sang it. It was upbeat and fun, and the three of you made is sound pretty damn good. You were too tired to argue with the idea, even if it did make you sick thinking about it. Surely, it would just dredge up memories.

But, you did as was expected of you; you sang the best you could with Rob and Jason, trying to keep yourself at least looking interested. You thought that you would get through the performance just fine, but again, just being around Rob, especially singing that song that had become a staple in the concerts, had you feeling worse than before. You managed to keep Jason between the two of you, another move that was questionable. The fans would catch on to the fact that you and Rob were behaving differently. You didn’t really care so much; eventually, it would all come out.

When the song finally ended, you exited the stage without embracing Rob as you always did. He stood there, waiting for it, encouraging you to not let anyone in on the secret. You took a moment to look at him, debating whether or not you should play along. In the end, you held your hands up to him, indicating that he needed to leave you alone; then, you bailed. You rushed right off that stage, trying your hardest not to break down. It wasn’t getting any easier. Every little thing made it feel as if you were never going to be okay.

“What’s wrong?” Rich asked as you as you bounded off stage. Surely, he hadn’t actually witnessed the little scene that unfolded up there, but he could definitely tell something wasn’t right based on your behavior.

“Nothing is wrong, I’m fine,” you mumbled as you moved to sit in a chair.

“You don’t look fine,” he argued, “you look like you’re close to tears.”

“I’m not,” you lied, forcing yourself to get it together, “I’m just tired is all.”

“Hey, is everything okay between you and Rob?” he asked, “I mean, you two haven’t been around each other this weekend at all. Usually we have to pry you apart.”

“Jesus, Rich,” you shot back at him, “I don’t have to be around him every minute of every day.”

Before he could respond, the band began their next song. The music started, drowning out all other sounds, making it impossible for Rich to say anything else. You sighed in relief, only to have your breath catch again when you realized they were playing ‘She Waits.’

The song had nothing to do with you, but right now, the implications of it had you feeling a bit broken. From the sound of it, singing it may have made Rob feel the same way. He always had a hard time singing it, it had a very personal meaning to him. But, for some reason, he was really struggling with it tonight and the song had just started. You listened to his voice crack and waver through the first verse which was unusual. Usually, it wasn’t until the end of the song where he really could barely keep it together. By the time he made it through the first chorus and the second verse, you couldn’t listen anymore. You couldn’t see him, and you weren’t sure that you wanted to at this point. Just hearing the pain in his voice hurt. It hurt because you didn’t understand why he was acting so hurt.

“I can’t listen to this,” you said out loud as you headed to the exit. He hadn’t even made it to the final verse and you already couldn’t handle it.

“Y/N!” Rich called after you as he saw you leaving.

“No!” you shouted at him, “I’m done.”

You found yourself in the quiet hallway, the sounds of the concert drowned out now that you were further away. You weren’t sure what was worse at this point; hearing his broken voice as he sang the song, or knowing that he was milking this break up for all that it was worth. Of course, the last bit couldn’t be true. He didn’t even want people to know that he had left you. You knew that when it was time to tell people, he was going have a lot of people feel bad for him. He played that role of the sensitive, fragile man pretty well. You on the other hand, were great at hiding feelings. No one would believe that he had been the one to blame in all of this.

You leaned against the wall, still hearing the muffled sound of the music within the theater. Eventually, the song changed and the band went into ‘Mama’s Jam’. You stayed leaned against the wall, listening, still trying to compose yourself.

“Hey.” You jumped when you heard Rich’s voice come from right next to you.

“What do you want?” You mumbled, slightly annoyed that he had followed you.

“It’s almost time for ‘Medicated.’” He said, waving a kazoo at you.

“I think there will be plenty of kazoos, you don’t need me.”

“Don’t you think Rob would be a little disappointed if you didn’t join us?”

“No, I don’t think he’d care.”

“What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” you replied, “I just need a break from all of this.” You fumbled in your pocket, pulling out your kazoo and showing it to him. “But, you’re right. I can’t miss out on ‘Medicated.’”

* * *

Luckily, it was the last song of the show. All you had to do was get through it, look like you were having fun, then you could disappear and go back to avoiding Rob again.

You joined the other actors onstage, watching as Rob worked his way through the song. He was suddenly very full of energy and appeared to be having a great time. You frowned at the apparent lack of sadness that he had been pretending to be feeling lately. He was in a really good mood and you hated him for it.

You and the other actors played your kazoos during the cast solo, and you thought you had gotten through it without a hitch. That was until Rob decided to single you out.

“Come on Y/N, I know you can do better than that,” he said into the microphone as you and the others harmonized. You ignored him, focusing on keeping in sync with the others.

“You’re throwing everyone off,” Rob continued, looking right at you. You glared at him, face hot with anger as he continued to berate you in front of everyone.

“She’s fine,” you heard Kim shout from beside you, laughing a bit at the teasing.

“No, she’s not harmonizing, she’s messing everyone up.”

You couldn’t take it anymore. It was stupid, he was just teasing, but you felt as if he were singling you out on purpose. It wasn’t enough that he was treating you like crap in general, now he was embarrassing you in front of everyone. You stopped playing your kazoo suddenly, still glaring at him. You were apparently messing up everything in his life. Before you could really think, you reacted. You threw the damn kazoo at him, watching as it hit him square in the chest before bouncing off and onto the ground. Obviously, it didn’t hurt him. It was stupid plastic kazoo that you were apparently really bad at playing. Regardless, he looked at you, shocked that you had actually thrown it at him. The rest of the cast looked over at you and you were sure everyone could see the redness in your face as you tried to calm your anger. Just when you realized that all eyes were on you, you bolted. You rushed off stage again, this time; humiliated, angry, and still heartbroken.

You waited backstage, knowing that you could easily run away from your embarrassment and your behavior. But something else was keeping you there. You had had enough of this. It was time to confront Rob over his treatment of you. It was time to stop playing this stupid game.

You stood backstage, waiting until the song finished.

“Y/N,” Rob said angrily when he saw you, “what the hell was that all about? You can’t just throw things at me onstage.”

“I think you’ve escaped injury.”

“That’s not the point and you know it.”

“I can’t do this anymore Rob,” you breathed out, more tears welling up. You were so tired of everything.

“What are you talking about?”

“All of this… the lies, the pretending. I can’t keep acting as if everything is okay just so you can save face.” Again, all your emotions had built up. Only this time, they were finally spilling out.

“Don’t do this right now. Let’s just go back to the room and talk about it.”

“There’s nothing left to talk about! I can’t even stand to be around you anymore.”

“You hate me that much? You can’t even be professional?”

“It hurts to even look at you. It hurts so much that I feel like I can’t fucking breathe,” you didn’t want to cause a scene. It was the last thing you ever wanted. But seeing him here, knowing that he was done with you but still leading everyone into believing that the two of you were okay; it was too much to handle anymore.

“I’m sorry…” he glanced around at your friends who were suddenly interested in your outburst. “Guys, it’s just one of our usual arguments, you can go now. We’re fine.”

“No! Don’t lie to them anymore.”

“Y/N, stop it,” he warned.

“I will not. You wanted to end this? Then you fucking end it, like a real man. Because I am done pretending that you didn’t break my heart.”

You felt yourself crying again, your words nearly muffled by the sobs. Your friends had all stopped in their tracks, witnessing the train wreck that was a long time coming. Rob glanced around nervously, and you could tell that he wanted to disappear. For once, he knew what you were feeling.

“Y/N…” he said carefully, eyes pleading with you to stop making a scene, “can we please not do this right now?”

“What is going on?” Rich was the first to break the awkward tension that had quickly built up. He looked at Rob, then at you disapprovingly.

“Tell him, Rob,” you pleaded with him, “tell them so we can just end all of this.”

Rob hesitated, still looking around at all your friends that were still waiting for an explanation. He finally turned to you, his own eyes teary.

“Fine,” he mumbled, “Y/N and I decided that this wasn’t working out. We’ve decided to take a break.”

No one said a word, it seemed as if they were almost as shocked as you had been when Rob dumped you. You rolled your eyes dramatically, letting out a frustrated groan.

“Stop it!” you shouted, “stop lying!”

You felt someone’s hand rest gently on your shoulder and you jumped, turning quickly to see Briana’s sympathetic expression.

“I- I don’t know what else to say…” Rob stuttered.

“He left me.” You decided to do the work for him. He was surely trying to make this all seem like it had been a mutual decision to make himself look better. “We didn’t decide to take a break, he decided to breakup with me.”

Still, no one spoke. Everyone stood around, trying to make sense of the mess that you were in as you cried.

“He wanted to keep it quiet, but I just can’t anymore,” you continued, “I can’t pretend to be okay, because I’m not.”

“I’ll get a separate room tonight,” Rob said quietly. You huffed at him, unimpressed that this was all he had to say right now.

“Don’t bother,” you replied angrily, “I’m done. I’m catching the first flight out of here and you can just continue to enjoy yourself.”

With that, you turned away and stormed off. You ignored your friends shouting your name as you left, knowing that you couldn’t bear to even face them right now. You were, all at once; embarrassed, heartbroken, angry, and exhausted. All you knew was that this was over. He was done with you for real. Now, your only objective was to get as far away from him as you possibly could.


	7. I try to think about tomorrow, but I can’t forget today

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Embarrassed over her own outburst at the concert, Reader finally breaks down. It’s good to have a friend to cry on. Now, she has to decide what to do next.

You ignored Briana calling out to you as you stormed off toward your room. You could barely see as tears stung your eyes, her voice muffled as you couldn’t even hear over the sound of your own crying. It must have been quite the sight; you, sobbing your way down the hallway with Briana pleading with you to stop. You couldn’t bring yourself to stop and face her. You knew she only wanted to console you, let you know that you weren’t alone. However, the entire thing had been so humiliating and devastating; you only wanted to be left alone. You walked quickly, feeling as if your heart had shattered into a million pieces. You didn’t want anyone to see you like this and you sure as hell didn’t want to feel like this.

Briana caught up with you as you stopped outside of your hotel room. You fumbled with the key card, your hands shaking uncontrollably, body still wracked with sobs. No matter how much you wanted to keep it together, you couldn’t. you felt out of control and you wanted so desperately to be alone. Briana watched you as you tried to open the door, she didn’t speak, didn’t move; she let you do whatever it was that you were set out to do.

When you finally had your door open, you entered the room, Briana right behind you and the door fell shut behind you both.

“Bri, I-“ you tried to speak, reassure her that you were okay.

Before you could finish your sentence, Briana grabbed you, wrapping her arms around you and pulling you in for a hug. You tried to pull away, not sure why you didn’t want her to touch you, but she very stubbornly kept her grip tight on you. Eventually, you stopped trying to fight her. You wrapped your arms around her in return, burying your face into her shoulder and began to cry harder. You let her hold you, finally feeling some relief in the fact that someone cared enough about how you were feeling to just hug you and let you cry. So, that’s what you did. You let it all out.

You expected her to say something, ask questions. Surely, everyone had questions right now that you weren’t sure if you were ready to answer. But, Briana didn’t say anything. She just let you cry for as long as you needed to. Truth be told, this had been the best cry that you had had since Rob left. You were so busy hiding things, acting as if you were okay; you had finally reached the point where everything had just built up so much, the only thing left to do was let it out.

You stayed like that for some time; Briana holding you while you cried until you finally felt like you had let most of it out.

“Thank you,” you sniffled as you finally pulled away from her. This time, she let you move away. You wiped your tears from your face, hands now streaked in black from your makeup that had smeared. “You didn’t have to…”

“My friend loses her shit like that… you better believe I’m chasing you down.”

“I’m so stupid,” you muttered, rubbing your face in embarrassment now. Not only over the breakdown you had had in front of Bri, but everything in general.

“You’re not stupid, Y/N,” she said, “I’m not gonna ask you for details right now, but I need to know that you’re okay.”

You stared at her, fighting back the urge to cry again. Maybe you weren’t quite done, but you forced the tears back. “I’m not okay, Bri… I can’t even be around him without feeling like I’m breaking all over again.”

“What do we need to do?”

“I need to pack my stuff and hope there’s a flight back home soon.”

“Y/N, it’s after midnight and you’re a wreck.”

“I can’t stay here with him any longer Bri,” you choked out, “I can’t do this anymore.”

“Okay, we’ll get your stuff and you can stay with me tonight. We’ll figure out the rest in the morning.”

“I shouldn’t have thrown that stupid kazoo at him.” You felt your face heat up as you became embarrassed by your overreaction on stage. “I’m such a child.”

“Are you kidding?” Bri gave you a small smile, “you should’ve aimed for his face.”

You let out a forced chuckle, still not impressed with yourself over how you had handled things. “I’m just… not handling this well at all. Why am I acting this way?”

“Obviously he did something to hurt you, you’re heartbroken. Heartbreak does crazy things to people. It doesn’t help that you let it build up like that.”

“I don’t want to be that girl who is this devastated over a man.”

“You’ve been together for a long time. You have to let yourself feel that pain, otherwise, you’ll go crazy.”

“Why does it hurt so much? How do I make it stop?”

“It hurts because you love him. I can’t tell you how to make it stop, you just need time.”

You and Briana gathered your belongings, packing quietly as you continued to sniffle, still fighting back tears. When you had everything, you both hauled it off to her room. She helped you get settled as you changed into pajamas. You suddenly realized how exhausted you were and you crawled into bed. The past few days had finally caught up with you in more ways than one. The lack of sleep, the sadness, the anger… it was all here now, and you couldn’t run from it any longer. Briana crawled into bed next to you, holding you again as you snuggled into her. It wasn’t the same as having Rob console you, but it helped to have someone there for you.

“I’m here for you, whenever you’re ready to talk,” Briana said. You felt her hand rubbing against your back.

“Thank you, Bri,” You replied, “I just… don’t know how everything went so badly.”

“Can I ask what happened?”

“He just left me. Said he wasn’t happy, said neither of us were happy. I tried. I tried so hard to be happy, it was hard with him never being around. But, I love him and I was doing what I could to see him, to make sure he knew I was there. I don’t know what I did wrong.”

“I’m sure you did nothing wrong.”

“All I ever did was wait for him. I gave up so much to be there for him when he was actually around. It wasn’t enough though… I wasn’t enough for him.”

“He works so much. Honestly, I’m not sure how you put up with it all this time.”

“I would have done anything for him,” you continued, “I know we disagreed on a lot, but we always made it work. We always bounced back.”

“Your bickering was adorable, and you always seemed to get it together. Is that what this was about? Did he leave because of the arguing?”

“I don’t know… maybe? He hasn’t given me a real explanation. Not one that makes sense anyway. Maybe he was just tired of it? Maybe I pushed him too far.”

“Don’t beat yourself up over this, Y/N,” Briana said, “it sounds like you’re not to blame here.”

“The worst part is that he left me right before the con, told me that he wanted to keep it between us, pretend that we were okay. And I went along with it even though it was killing me.”

“And, it all just became too much, which is why you snapped.”

“I can’t stay around,” you explained, knowing that spending one more day around Rob was only going to make things worse, “I just want to go home.”

It was a combination of a lot of things that had you wanting to bail on the last day of the con. You had been embarrassed, devastated, and put in an awkward situation by having to share a room with the man who had broken your heart only days ago. You still had no clue as to what exactly went wrong, and you weren’t sure you would ever get that closure from him. All you wanted to do was go home and let yourself cry some more, out of view of your friends and the fans. This was the worst place to be going through this, and you questioned why you hadn’t backed out of the con in the first place.

“We’ll get you home tomorrow,” Briana said, “right now, you just need to sleep.” Briana didn’t let you go as you moved in closer to her. You pressed your face into your pillow and let yourself cry again, tired over the toll all of these emotions were taking on you. Neither of you spoke for the rest of the night; and after what felt like hours of just crying, you drifted off to sleep without realizing it.

* * *

The next morning, you woke up to Briana moving around the room. You glanced up at her as she hurried around, getting dressed and ready for the day.

“What time is it?” You asked sleepily.

“It’s after nine,” she replied, “we slept in a little late.”

You groaned, knowing that nine was too late to sleep, but you still felt like you hadn’t slept at all.

“I’ve got to get down to the convention, and when I get a break, I’ll help you decide what to do.”

“Don’t worry about it,” you replied, “I’m just going to pack up and head to the airport. I’ll wait there all day for a flight home if I have to.”

“I wish you wouldn’t,” she frowned.

“I know,” you said, “but I’m doing it anyway.”

“Alright, but I’m coming over to check on you once I get back to town.”

“Thank you, Briana,” you said again. All of the ‘thank yous’ in the world couldn’t express how much it had meant to you to have her there.

Briana moved toward you, leaning down to hug you tightly before she headed for the door. “Let me know how it goes at the airport. You can stay here again tonight if you can’t get a flight back.”

You nodded as she left the room. When she was gone, you hurriedly got out of bed and got dressed. You stuffed your belongings back into your suitcase haphazardly, only wanting to get out of there as quickly as you could. You hoped that you hadn’t made things weird between Rob and everyone else. Surely, your breakdown had them all wondering what the hell had happened, but you were sure that Rob would come up with a way to make it seems less serious than it was. Hell, he’d probably figure out a way to convince them that the split had been mutual, despite your disagreement over that last night. You never wanted to make your workplace a bad place. Unfortunately, you had dragged your coworkers into your drama when they all decided to hang around to watch the show unfold after you lost it on stage. Not only had you humiliated yourself in front of Rob, you had also humiliated yourself in front of your friends. You weren’t sure if you could face any of them again. At least Briana knew a little more, you knew she would be there for you. You also hoped she wouldn’t talk about it to anyone else.

The best thing for you to do right now was go back home and hide until you felt that you could face the world again. Facing Rob again? Well, that was a whole different thing completely. You honestly weren’t sure if you would ever get to that point.

* * *

You had managed to get a cab to the airport easily, and as luck would have it, there was a flight home within the hour with extra seats. You happily booked the flight and waited at the gate.

Maybe running from the problem wasn’t the best way to go, but you really didn’t think you could continue to be around Rob and still keep your sanity. You had been dumped before, but for some reason, nothing hurt quite like this.

You replayed the past week in your mind as you waited to board your flight. It all made sense in a way. Neither of you had been exactly happy, but you still tried. You worked toward getting back to being happy. Rob on the other hand, he had given up completely. Maybe that was why it hurt so much… knowing that you wanted to make it work, but he no longer cared enough to try. You suddenly felt very inadequate; maybe you weren’t worth the hassle of trying to work things out. Maybe, he had just fallen out of love with you. The thought made your chest ache; knowing that you were still in love with someone who could hurt you like this, knowing that you still loved him even though he didn’t love you now. You wanted to force yourself to stop thinking of him, stop wanting to be with him, stop missing him. You couldn’t though. All you wanted was to have him back. This was going to take a lot to get through and you now questioned whether you could continue to work with him.

Your mind continued to race with thoughts and doubts all through your flight home. You wanted to stop thinking, and you hoped that being back home, alone, would help you. Near the end of your flight, you realized that for the first time, you hadn’t been gripping the arm rests, wracked with fear over the idea of flying. If anything, your unstoppable thoughts about Rob had almost made you forget that you were on a plane in the first place. But, now that you were back in L.A., the awareness hit you that you would be going home. You would be going back to you and Rob’s house alone. That in itself brought on a whole new level of fear. It was nothing new, being alone there; but you also knew that Rob was no longer going to come back to it, he was no longer going to come back to you.

Truth be told, you weren’t sure that you wanted to go back home now either. It held too many memories, and you didn’t think you could handle it. Maybe, the best thing you could do at this point was erase him from your life completely. It was the only thing that you could think of to stop yourself from hurting.


	8. I'm trying to make a go, alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader makes big decisions about her new life, wondering if she can ever get over Rob. When she decides to go back to the con circuit, things get awkward when someone she never expected expresses interest in her.

You had thought that being back home would make you feel a little better, but you were right in the fact that it sort of made you feel worse. You had shared your home with Rob for a long time; and now, everything about it only reminded you of him. Most of his things were still there and most of what actually made up your home had belonged to the both of you.

“Home sweet home,” you mumbled to yourself upon entering your home.

You dropped your luggage next to the door, not wanting to deal with unpacking yet. You went straight to your room where you hurriedly kicked off your shoes and crawled into bed. That was probably a mistake as well. You began to cry when you thought about how you and Rob had shared this bed for so long. Now, he wasn’t there and he was never going to be there again. The thought of staying in this house, along with your memories of him left you second-guessing whether you really wanted to stay. It was certainly something that you would have to consider now that you were on your own. 

For now, you just wanted some quiet and maybe a chance to catch up on sleep. You made yourself comfortable and decided to take the risk of checking out your Twitter account that you had been avoiding for days. After a little bit of searching, you found that some fans had indeed captured your little SNS tantrum. In fact, they noticed your behavior at that moment as well as the way you had snubbed Rob repeatedly on stage over the weekend. Every event had been recorded, photographed, and discussed from every angle. Every video and picture left you looking like the unhappiest person in the world. It was a far cry from how happy you usually were at cons, how much you smiled every time you were near Rob in the past. You read a handful of tweets about your poor behavior, you also read some insights into your unhappy relationship with Rob. Fans guessed that the two of you were either coming to an end or had already ended. They weren’t wrong. You finally exited the app, tossing your phone aside with a heavy sigh.

You didn’t want this. You didn’t want the fans to view you as this bratty child who behaved like that onstage. You didn’t want your friends to pity you. Mostly, you didn’t want to believe that things between you and Rob were actually over.

You knew that the fans would view you how they had witnessed you over the weekend. You knew they would continue to talk, make guesses about the end of your relationship. The worst part about it was that Rob would be the good guy, he always was. He was a fan favorite and you were fairly new to the club. It was the same with your friends, they were his first. Not that you wanted anyone to take sides, that was never fair. You just wanted to be left alone now and you sort of wanted to be as frank with the fans about the split as you had been with the rest of the cast.

You reached for your phone again, biting your lip as you considered your options. Maybe if everyone was aware of the breakup, they would mostly leave you alone. You opened your Instagram after doing a bit of searching online for something. You had found some generic quote about breakups and how you were a strong, independent woman who would be okay. You figured it would be enough of a hint for people to know what was going on, without making yourself look too damaged. You hesitated a bit before posting, now debating over whether it would make you seem bitter. While you were in fact bitter, you certainly didn’t want to come across that way to anyone else. You finally posted the quote, hoping that people would understand and respect you enough to not bring it up anymore. You tossed your phone aside once more before pulling the covers over your head.

* * *

The following weeks were not easy. Although everyone had told you that things would get easier, they really hadn’t. You sort of hoped for a quick, overnight remedy for your broken heart; but you knew that was asking for too much.

Right after Rob had returned from Vancouver, he had contacted you about getting the rest of his stuff. You had to admit, it was decent of him to at least not expect you to leave the house that you had shared, but in all honesty, you knew you couldn’t stay there on your own. During the phone conversation about him getting his stuff, you told him that you weren’t going to live there and that the house was all his.

“I can’t do that to you,” Rob mumbled. You couldn’t see him, but you could hear the disappointment in his voice.

“Honestly, I can’t stay here and you know it.”

“I’ve already done enough to you, I won’t kick you out of the house.”

“You’re not,” you replied, “I’m leaving willingly.”

“Y/N, why are you doing this?” He asked with a sigh.

“I can’t sit around, hanging on to everything that reminds me of you. You wanted this to end, and the only way I can even start to accept that is to get away from the things that tie me to you.”

“You put a lot of work into our home,” he reminded you. You had put your heart into this house. It was your safe place that you shared with the man you loved.

“Well, it’s no longer our home,” you reminded him, “it’s yours. I’ve already found a place.”

“I’m sorry,” Rob muttered. You could still hear the hurt in his voice and for some reason, the fact that he was still doing that, made your blood boil.

“Don’t be sorry,” you said stiffly, “you got what you wanted, now I just want to be left alone.”

* * *

It took you no time at all to get settled in your new apartment. You had taken your belongings, the things that were yours and not shared with him. You left every piece of furniture and started over again. Everything was new and on your first night in your new place, you were terrified and even more alone than you had been in your house, but you knew it was for the best. Even a fresh start didn’t stop the hurting like you had hoped it would. Most days, you moped around your apartment; watching bad TV, and just generally avoiding people. Most of your friends had tried calling or texting, even reaching out to you over social media when they realized you were avoiding them; but you continued to keep to yourself until you knew you were ready to talk. You wouldn’t admit it to anyone, but you were depressed. Some days, you slept too much; other days, you let insomnia take over. Most of the time, every little thing made you cry.

Briana, who had stopped by on a couple of occasions when she wasn’t busy despite your insistence that she left you alone,  had pointed out that you had been losing too much weight. You told her you were just eating healthier and working out to take your mind off of things and you were glad she could see a difference. You couldn’t bear to tell her that you were so sad all the time, your appetite had completely disappeared. Generally, you stopped taking care of yourself completely, unsure of how to stop feeling so terrible.

You cancelled your appearance at the next convention, knowing that you couldn’t face your friends or Rob yet. You weren’t done feeling sad, and you were honestly not sure if you would ever get there.

You avoided all mention of the con that you had skipped out on, pleased that it had happened without you and you hadn’t been exposed to the goings on of it. By now, it had been a month since the split. You hadn’t seen Rob in weeks, but you couldn’t help but wonder where he was, what he was doing, who he was with… what he was feeling. All of this was no longer your concern, you knew that. The constant reminder to yourself only made it hurt more.

* * *

A couple of weeks later, you were scheduled to appear at another con. It wasn’t unusual for you to be included in every convention date, and since you had cancelled the last one, you knew you couldn’t do that again. Everyone already knew that you had ditched out on the last one because of the breakup, they all knew what you were avoiding. The worst thing you could do at this point was let people see how much this was affecting you. Just days before the scheduled con, Briana called you, like clockwork, to check in on you.

“Are you backing out of this one too?” She asked, a hint of disappointment in her voice.

“No, I can’t keep doing that,” you replied, “although, I do wonder if it would benefit me to just stop doing them altogether.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I mean, I’m barely on the show anymore, why should i keep making appearances?”

“Hey, most of us aren’t on the show anymore, but the fans love us all, we do it for them.”

“I don’t think the fans really like me anymore,” you said, “they liked me when I was with Rob, don’t think I haven’t seen how a lot of them responded to us breaking up.”

“Most of them are just sad about it.”

“Well, they can join the club,” you chuckled.

“Things are still rough?” she asked.

“Well, I don’t cry all day long. Actually, the last week has been easier.”

“That’s good.”

“I just know that this weekend will set me back. I really don’t know if I can face him again, Bri,” you said nervously, worried over what seeing Rob again would be like.

“Hey, if nothing else, I’m there for you.”

“I don’t expect you to be, you know that right?”

“It’s crappy having two of your closest friends split up, you have to know that I’m not taking sides on this. I don’t ask him about it, but I’m sure as hell there for you when you need to talk. I guess I would be the same with him… but he just doesn’t bring it up.”

“Okay, I really don’t want to talk about it now,” you said.

“Alright, I’ll see you in a couple of days. We’re plane buddies, since I know how you are on planes.”

“I can always count on you,” you smiled.

* * *

You had hoped that you could at least avoid Rob for the first day, but the man was always around. When you showed up to the green room, bright and early to be ready for your panel, he was already there along with the band and Rich. You scurried off to a corner of the room, trying to hide yourself as you were still feeling embarrassed and angry. Rob always had to be the good guy, and he really was a good guy. You just sort of hoped he’d understand that you didn’t want to talk to him. Regardless, he sought you out to make small talk.

“How are you?” He asked as he stepped in front of you. You felt your breath catch when he spoke, heart racing upon being in close proximity with him again. You didn’t want to tell him the truth, didn’t want him to know that you were still hurting and unsure of what to do with yourself now that he was gone. You didn’t want to tell him that the last month or so had been hell on you, and although you had started to feel better within the last couple of weeks, seeing him now was destroying you again. You wouldn’t tell him that being around him right now made your heart beat wildly and your stomach turn into knots; but not in the same way as before. This time, it wasn’t like falling in love with someone; it was like being hurt all over again.

“I’m okay,” you replied. It wasn’t a total lie. You weren’t great, but you were certainly better.

“That’s good to hear,” he said softly, offering you a small smile. He stood there awkwardly, hands shoved in his pockets as he stared down at his feet.

“Can I help you with something?” You asked finally, somewhat annoyed that he had even approached you at all. You were trying your best to stay out of his life like he had wanted, why couldn’t he do the same for you?

“No, I was just checking on you.”

You scoffed at his words, “I think we’re pretty far past you being allowed to check in on me.”

“I was just trying to be friendly,” he replied, now looking up at you with hurt in his eyes.

“We’re not friends,” you stated sharply, “we’re just… not.”

“Okay,” he mumbled, this time looking a bit embarrassed, “I get it.”

“Look, it might just be easier if we… avoid each other for now. The last thing I wanted to do was spend the weekend hanging out with my ex boyfriend, I just need you to give me space.”

“I understand, I’ll just stay out of your way.”

You wanted to ask him again why this had happened, in fact, you never stopped wondering why. You opted to not bring it up again though. You were still confused and wanted some kind of closure. But, he had made his choice and it didn’t seem as if he was ever going to offer you a real explanation. You bit your tongue; knowing that saying anything would only result in another argument and more pain for yourself. Maybe it was best that you didn’t know the truth, maybe he was being considerate enough by sparing your feelings. All you could do at this point was just shut up about it, let him go, and wait for the hurting to stop on its own. After all, you knew you didn’t need to add to the drama since you still had to work together; although, just seeing him face-to-face right now had you seriously considering putting an end to your regular convention appearances.

* * *

Rich, Rob and the band introduced you onstage; playing your song as you bounded up, trying to play excited as your panel began. The panel went well; fortunately, the fans had enough respect for you and Rob to not bring up the breakup. You knew you couldn’t handle those questions right now, and you were grateful that they knew it wasn’t appropriate to bring it up. You made it through; talking about future appearances on Supernatural, other projects you might be working on, and even hinted a bit about what it was like to be on your own now. Strangely, telling the audience the story about how your heater had broken in your new apartment and you didn’t know what to do; so you waited for the landlord while you sat there sweating in your 90 degree living room instead of waiting in the hall; left you and them laughing. It didn’t hurt as much as you had thought it would to talk about your new life as a single woman. But, you decided to keep it to one story for now, not wanting to press your luck on the subject.

* * *

Back in the green room, a few of the others had trickled in. Kim and Briana had shown up and you spent some time chatting with them, feeling happy for once. You had spent so much time avoiding everyone, you had forgotten how relaxing it was just to have them around you. Not only were the girls here; but you noticed Adam and David were there as well. You smiled as you made your way over to them. It had been a while since you had seen either of them. You had worked briefly with them on the show, and really only saw them if they happened to be scheduled for a con. You hadn’t even paid much attention to what was going on lately, so you didn’t realize they would be here.

“Hi guys!” you said happily, an earnest smile spreading across your face. You were always happy to have these guys around, they were always a breath of fresh air when it came to the con circuit that you always shared with the same people.

“Y/N!” Adam was the first to move in, squeezing you into a tight hug, “It’s so good to see you.”

“You too,” you chuckled as you pulled away, “I didn’t realize you’d both be here.”

“No one ever pays us any attention,” David replied.

“Nonsense,’ you grinned, “you know I love having you guys around.”

The three of you stood around, catching up for a while. For the first time in a long time, you found yourself smiling again, laughing even. After a while, you saw Rob and the band head for the door, probably ready to bring the next panelists to the stage. You only watched Rob from the corner of your eyes, heart still racing upon noticing him. He looked over to the three of you and cleared his throat loudly.

“I don’t want to interrupt,” he said coldly, “but you two are up next.” He motioned toward Adam and David.

“On our way,” Adam called out to him before turning his attention back to you, “Hey, are you okay?” He asked, sympathetically. Obviously, even he knew about what was going on.

“Yeah,” you replied, “I’m good.”

He reached for your hand suddenly, squeezing it tight, “Alright, I worry about you, you know?”

You gave him a puzzled look; slightly thrown off by his words and his grip on your hand. The two of you had always been friendly, but it’s not like he was one of your closest friends. Having him of all people show his concern for you was a bit surprising.

“Thanks?” you replied. You continued to look at him as he tightened his grip on your hand.

“Hey, after this panel, we should hang out.”

“Oh, wow, okay…” you stuttered, suddenly very nervous. Why you were nervous was beyond you. You had hung out with these guys plenty of times. “I’ve got photo ops and stuff today, but I’ll see you around.”

“Okay, fair enough. Maybe we can do dinner later,” he shot you a wink, letting go of your hand as he and David headed for the door before you could even object.

“What was that?” You heard Briana’s voice come from behind you as you watched the guys leave. You turned to her, that confused expression still on your face.

“He was just being friendly,” you answered, but even you weren’t so sure if that’s what it was.

“He’s my friend too, but he doesn’t ask me out to dinner,” Briana teased.

“He didn’t ask me to dinner, he mentioned dinner. Besides, you’re married.”

“Exactly my point,” she chuckled.

“I’m not sure what you mean…” you replied.

“That was also a lot of hand holding,” she added, raising her brow at you. You blushed, wondering if she was disappointed in you for some reason. But, based on the sly smile she was giving you; she might have been thinking the same thing that you were.

“Was he flirting?” You asked with a frown.

“Well, he did mention dinner…”

You put your face in your hands, already stressed over the thought of it. “I can’t do that,” you cried, “why would he flirt with me?”

“Honey, he’s always flirted with you. I guess now that you’re back on the market, he can flirt a little more openly.”

“No,” you pouted, “It’s too soon to even think about that.”

“Not for him, he’s been drooling over you ever since he met you. He was just decent enough not to make it obvious since you were taken.”

You looked up at Briana, giving her your best pouty face, as if asking her to fix this. The last thing you needed was for anyone to start flirting with you, especially Adam. You weren’t even over Rob yet and the idea of your friend showing interest in you made you uncomfortable.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Briana said, “you just had your heart broken, and you know damn well that I think the only way to get over an ex is to get under someone new.” Briana grinned at you, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

“Ugh,” you rolled your eyes at her words of wisdom, “I’m not even thinking about that right now.”

“That’s fine,” she shrugged, “but it’s been well over a month. Wouldn’t hurt you to at least think about getting back out there.”

“Is Rob dating?” You covered your mouth as soon as the words came out. It wasn’t your business, and honestly, you didn’t really want to know if he was. It would only hurt more if he was.

Briana shrugged again, “I really don’t know. I’ve never seen him with anyone else, and you know I’m pretty good at noticing shit. But, I really don’t think that he is.”

“It doesn’t matter…” you mumbled, looking down in embarrassment over even asking the question, “it’s not my business,”

Briana smiled at you, throwing her arm around your shoulder to pull you in for a hug.

“Y/N, there will come a time when you will realize that you’ve got to put the past in the past and focus on the future.”

“I know,” you replied.

“I’m just saying; Rob chooses to be your past, but someone has to be your future.”

“Maybe the future can wait until I’m ready,” you argued. You weren’t okay with thinking about moving on still. The wounds of the breakup still felt fresh and you knew you couldn’t put anyone through trying to date you when you were still such a mess over Rob. You feared that he had damaged you beyond repair; maybe, since you hadn’t been enough for him, you wouldn’t be good enough for anyone else.

“Look,” Briana replied, “you’ll know when you’re ready to get back out there. Don’t force yourself. But, don’t hold yourself back either.”

“Thanks, mom,” you joked. You laughed at her advice even though you knew she was right. You couldn’t stay wrapped up in your heartbreak forever. Eventually, you’d get back out there, start dating again. It was up to you to decide when it was time. You didn’t know if you would ever feel completely ready. But, maybe the best way to find out was to take a chance on someone who was already your friend.


	9. It's getting late and he's running out of time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader decides to give Adam a chance, which might be exactly what she needs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t know how to write an Irish accent, so just pretend, okay?

You attempted to focus on your solo ops, trying not to think about what Adam had said earlier. Maybe he had been flirting with you, or maybe he was just being nice since he knew you had just gone through a breakup. You were friends and you honestly thought the whole mention of having dinner was just his way of letting you know that he was there for you. The grip he had had on your hand… that was something entirely different. That moment in itself was what had you thinking that he may have been flirting with you. You went through your ops in a daze, trying hard to be polite and friendly as fans relayed their pose ideas to you. The loud music and the constant flash of the camera made it difficult to escape your daze.

You couldn’t help but think about the way his hand gripped yours, the way he had winked at you, the way he had checked in on you. He was a nice enough guy. You didn’t know him well, but you enjoyed hanging out with him. He made you laugh and now; you were thinking about all of the times he may have flirted with you and you just hadn’t realized it then.

After your ops were done, you lazily made your way back to the green room; still thinking. Once inside, you were relieved to see that Rob and the band as well as Rich weren’t there. They must still be on stage. The place was pretty vacant except for Adam who was sitting at one of the tables, drinking a cup of coffee and scrolling through his phone. You smiled despite yourself and made your way to him.

“How’d the panel go?” You asked.

He turned suddenly, startled as if he didn’t hear you come in. When he saw you, he smiled at you, pointing to a chair next to him to offer you a seat. You sat next to him cautiously. The last thing you wanted was to give him the wrong idea if he was actually interested in you.

“It went well,” he responded finally as he put how phone down on the table, now giving you his undivided attention, “it always does. How were your ops?”

“Loud,” you laughed.

“As per usual,” he said with a grin.

“Hey, I wanted to ask you what you meant by having dinner later.”

“What do you mean?” He asked, “I asked you to dinner, I thought it was pretty obvious.”

“I wasn’t sure if you were asking, or just thinking about it.”

“I asked,” he said as he took a drink of his coffee.

“Okay, because it seemed as if you were just mentioning it, not really asking,” you felt yourself grow nervous suddenly. You sounded like an idiot, sort of excited over the idea of having dinner with him, but still feeling as if you were unsure.

“Let’s have dinner,” Adam said suddenly.

“I’m not sure if I’m ready for that.”

“Then why did you bring it up?”

“Because, you were very vague.”

“Either way, you’re not ready. Shouldn’t matter if I was vague or not.”

You scowled at him, unamused at the fact that he was calling you out on the matter.

“Look, I think that you think you’re not ready to have dinner with some other guy because you haven’t considered even trying to move on,” he explained as he studied you, “maybe you’re not ready for that, but you at least considered it. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have brought it up.”

“I just had my entire life flipped upside down. It still hurts, and I don’t want to think about dating again.”

“Who said anything about dating?” He asked. You felt yourself blush, embarrassed that you had maybe read his behavior wrong.

“I’m sorry,” you mumbled, “I thought…”

“Well, I was asking you out,” he cut in, “but if you’re not ready for dating, maybe we can just have a friendly dinner.”

“I don’t know…”

“Don’t let him make you miserable, Y/N. I know that we barely know each other but I like you. I want to get to know you. I never tried in the past because I wasn’t going to step on anyone’s toes.”

Briana had been right. Adam was interested in you; from the sound of it, he had been interested for a while. He was only letting it be known now because you were no longer taken.

“It’s one date. Or, one dinner. Then you can decide if you want me to piss off or not.”

You couldn’t help but laugh. The man made a good point. It would only be one harmless dinner. He was a friend, and despite the fact that he may have been harboring a crush on you, you felt safer knowing that you would be out with someone that you knew and actually liked.

“Fine. One dinner. As friends,” you reminded him.

“Friends is good,” he replied.

You stood up to leave, not really having any idea as to where you were going. Sitting here with him any longer would only make you feel awkward. You were so bad at the dating thing. Even with you and Rob, you had never officially dated each other. That whole relationship happened very quickly. The idea of going on a date, even if you weren’t calling it that, with Adam had you nervous. Before you could walk away, he grabbed your hand again, this time allowing his thumb to brush gently along the back of your hand. You looked at him, your heart suddenly beating wildly as he smiled at you.

“Before karaoke?” He asked simply.

You nodded, unable to speak real words to him as you tried to process the way his hand held yours. When he finally let go, you slipped away quickly, leaving the green room. You knew you were blushing and you felt your stomach twist and turn as you walked away. It was almost the same feelings you had when you saw Rob now; only with Adam, it was a lot less painful, and a lot more exciting.

* * *

You couldn’t help but feel a little guilty as you got ready for dinner. You weren’t sure why you felt guilty. Rob had been the one who ended things between you, it shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone that you might eventually move on and see other people. During your photo ops earlier in the day, you had realized that Rob seemed to be doing just fine without you. That was when something inside of you clicked.You asked yourself why you were still letting yourself mope around, letting yourself hurt over him when he was clearly not torn up over losing you.

You had decided that Adam might be the best way to go in terms of dating again after having just come out of a long relationship. You didn’t work together often, and he only made con appearances on occasion. You were friendly with him and he really did seem like a nice guy. Even if it turned out to be that you weren’t ready to get back to dating, at least you knew that with him, things wouldn’t go south. You assumed he’d be kind enough to not push you into too much and even if you told him you couldn’t date him, you figured he’d respect that.

You put on your nicest black dress that you had originally brought for SNS. You didn’t bring anything else that would be date-worthy and you figured you could at least look nice for Adam. You fixed your hair and finished your makeup, finally putting on your favorite pair of heels before you headed out the door.

You met him at the restaurant that you had decided on. It was located away from the convention and hotel. At least this way, you wouldn’t run the risk of running into anyone else. Not that you were embarrassed to be seen with him, but this was all so new to you. You hadn’t spent time alone with another man in years. You wanted to avoid questions and concerns, but mostly, you wanted to avoid having Rob find out.

“Wow, you look stunning,” Adam exclaimed when you finally found him at the bar.

“You don’t look half-bad yourself,” you replied. You had to admit, the man cleaned up nicely and he put a lot of effort into his appearance tonight. You relaxed, knowing that you hadn’t gone overboard in your own attire.

“Are those heels?” He asked, looking you up and down, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in heels.”

“That’s because I don’t wear them usually,” you chuckled, “not around Rob anyway. They make me taller than him.”

Adam cocked his head at you, a questioning look on his face. “You know, I’m not much taller than he is.”

“Oh, I guess you’re right,” you said, feeling flustered that you had decided on the heels and were now just a tad taller than him.

“It’s okay,” he chuckled, “I really don’t mind. It doesn’t hurt my ego.”

“Sorry,” you said, “we didn’t come here to talk about my ex.”

“We can talk about anything you want. Friendly dinner, remember?”

“Thanks,” you laughed, “but I really don’t want to talk about him. I’m sorry I brought him up.”

“You’re forgiven. I got us a table, are you ready.”

“Yes, I’m starving.”

* * *

You and Adam talked through dinner, indulging in wine and you only hoped that you could handle it a little better than usual. It definitely helped take the edge off, but you paid close attention to how you were feeling. The last thing you needed was to make a fool of yourself in front of him by your inability to handle your alcohol. If anything, it helped you to relax and you realized you actually had a lot in common with him. For the first time in a while, your appetite had returned and you found yourself enjoying your meal, but more importantly, the company during dinner. He told you stories, answered your questions, and most important of all; he made you laugh. Not once during the date did anyone mention Rob, in fact, he hadn’t even crossed your mind really. You were too focused on Adam right now. Those green eyes, that laugh, that accent. These were all things you never paid much attention to when you were with Rob. But, now that you were single, it only made sense that you found the man attractive.

You sipped on your wine, feeling slightly dizzy and very fascinated by Adam. The two of you carried on a decent conversation and you sort of felt bad that the date would end soon.

“So, what will you be dressed up as for Karaoke tonight?”

“I hadn’t really planned on going,” you replied honestly. Karaoke and SNS weren’t things you had been thinking about lately. Anything that put you close to Rob seemed to be things that you wanted to avoid altogether.

“What?!” He asked, sounding surprised, “you’re always so great at karaoke. We always have fun.”

“Yeah, I know. I was just trying to avoid seeing the ex.”

“Understandable. But, you can’t let him get in the way of you having a good time. Just go to karaoke tonight. I’ll save you from him.”

“What will you be?” you asked with a laugh.

“I’m a lion, of course,” he grinned.

“The lion is usually my go-to costume.”

“Well, we can both be lions then. Whatever it takes to get you to be there.”

“Fine,” you said in defeat, “you sure have a way of sweet talking me into things.”

“I wasn’t even trying this time.”

* * *

After dinner, you and Adam went your separate ways, just in time to change for karaoke. When you got into something more comfortable, you headed back down to the convention area. The usual suspects were there; ready for karaoke. Rob, Rich, Matt, Kim, Briana, Ruth, and of course, Adam. You felt yourself blush again upon seeing him even though you had just had dinner with the man. Everyone was already in costume, but you hadn’t even brought yours to the con, so you hoped they would be okay with you just in your normal clothes.

“Where’s your costume?” Rich asked as he approached you.

“No costume tonight. Didn’t bring it.”

“Shame, we could’ve had two lions,” he said with a frown.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing,” he replied, confused, “just that you usually do the lion thing and so does Adam.”

“Well, I think we’ll be good with one lion tonight.”

“Yeah, it’s fine. No need to get all upset about it,” he said, “I’m just glad you’re here.”

“Me too,” you said honestly, offering him a smile. You really were excited for karaoke. It was one of your favorite things about the conventions and you had missed a few of them.

* * *

You joined everyone on stage for karaoke, smiling at the sense of excitement filling the room. The entire rest of the night actually went really well. You even decided to sing a song on your own, laughing your way through it as Adam danced with you. In fact, through the entire thing, he had paid you extra attention. You were sure he was trying to take your mind of off Rob by acting silly and twirling you around the stage during songs. It was working, whatever it was that he was doing. You all but ignored Rob, taking sudden interest in Adam as he continued to amaze you.

You had never thought of him as more than a friend, why would you? Now, knowing that you were single, you definitely began to look at him differently. You couldn’t take your eyes off him as he danced around in that lion costume. The man made you laugh, and for the first time in a really long time, you stopped wondering what you could do to be someone that Rob wanted. Right now, you wondered if you could be someone that Adam wanted.

* * *

After karaoke, while most of the group had decided to go out for more drinks, you opted to head back to your room. It was nice to be somewhat back to normal, spending time with your friends and being a part of the activities of the con. But, you weren’t sure if you were ready to mix alcohol with being around Rob. You didn’t want a repeat of your drunken performance after Rob had left you. So, you said goodnight to everyone and headed the opposite direction, ready for bed.

As you started walking, Adam ran to catch up with you. He strolled alongside you as you walked.

“Aren’t you going out?” You asked.

“Not tonight, there’s a pretty girl who I didn’t want to have walk home alone.”

“You’re sweet,” you replied.

“You know her?”

You elbowed him lightly, laughing at his teasing.

“Really though,” he continued, “I’d much rather walk you home than go hang out with your ex boyfriend.”

“I thought he was your friend.”

“Yeah, everyone here is. He’s a good guy,” Adam mused, “a bloody idiot, but a good guy.”

“Yeah,” you agreed. Rob may not be on your good side right now, but he was generally a great guy.

“Isn’t it breaking guy code to try to date your friend’s ex girlfriend?” You asked.

“Pretty much. But, you make exceptions when the girl you’ve been eyeing suddenly becomes single. Even if she was your friends girl at one point.”

“Skeevy.”

“Nah,” he chuckled, “we’re friends, but he really is an idiot.”

“Oh?”

“Why he’d let you go, I’ll never understand.”

You felt your face flush at his flirtation. It had been a long time since a man had spoken to you the way he did. It was overwhelming, but flattering.

“Maybe he just got to know me too well,” you said.

“Hey, gives me the chance to get to know you better. Besides, I’ve got other friends. You’re worth losing one over.”

“I really don’t think he’ll care. He left for a reason, I doubt he’ll even notice you’ve been flirting with me like crazy.”

You realized that you had reached your room. Conversation with Adam had a way of making you lose track of where you were and what you were doing. Now, you stood in front of your door, fumbling with your key card, not really wanting to say goodnight yet.

“I had a nice time,” you said, “thank you for taking my mind off of things for a while.”

“The pleasure was mine,” he replied, “honestly.”

“Goodnight,” you said as you moved to swipe your card. Before you could, Adam had your hand in his again. You stopped, looking up at him, wondering what his next move was going to be. You felt your heart race, your breathing picking up due to your nervousness. He leaned in, pulling his face closer to yours. Then, you panicked. You pressed your free hand to his chest to stop him.

“I-I’m not ready for that,” you stuttered.

He grinned at you, still leaning in. He pressed his lips to your cheek, giving you a soft kiss. You breathed out, sort of relieved that he hadn’t moved in for the real thing.

“Relax, Y/N,” he said, “I’m not trying to sweet talk my way into your bed. Although, you did say I was pretty good at the sweet talk.”

You laughed uncomfortably, “don’t push it.”

“Doesn’t hurt to try,” he replied, shooting you a wink. “Goodnight.”

With that, he let your hand go and walked down the hall toward his own room. You stood there for a moment, trying to take in what had just happened. You watched him leave, considering how bad it might be to spend more time alone with him. The entire night with him in general had been a whirlwind. Dinner had been surprisingly wonderful and karaoke had been more fun than usual.

You still weren’t sure if you were ready to jump back into dating. You still thought about Rob often, and every thought about him hurt so much. You didn’t really want to drag anyone else into all of that. You couldn’t help but think that Adam could be just the person to help you move on a little bit faster though.


	10. This may be your chance so don't think twice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything is a mess. Everyone knows about the Reader’s date with Adam, including Rob. She just can’t figure out why Rob is so concerned about it. Also, there’s a reason why the Reader rarely drinks.

**Saturday**

“I know you want me to leave you alone, but we need to talk about work related stuff.”

Startled, you turned towards Rob’s voice, unaware that he was even in the green room with you.

“What’s up?” You asked hesitantly.

“The concert. You didn’t show up to any of the rehearsals, so you better pick a song that we know well enough to just do without practice.”

“I’m not singing tonight,” you stated plainly.

“What? Why? You always sing.”

“I used to, yeah. But, come on Rob… things are different now.”

“So, you’re not coming at all?” Rob looked at you, concerned over the fact that you were bailing on the concert altogether. In the many years that you have been on the convention circuit, you had never backed out of a performance. The fans looked forward to you and Rob singing. But, that was before Rob had left you.

“No, I’ve got other things to do,” you said as you started to move away from him. Just as you had gotten a few feet from him, he spoke up again.

“You’re going out with him again, aren’t you?” You stopped dead in your tracks, surprised by his question, and more surprised that he somehow knew.

“Excuse me?” You said as you turned back to face him.

“Adam. I know you went out with him last night.” Rob suddenly became nervous. You couldn’t be certain, but you detected a hint of hurt in his expression.

“And, how did you…?”

“I overheard Briana talking about it to the girls. Secrets don’t really stay secret around here.”

“It wasn’t a secret, I just didn’t realize anyone knew.”

“Well, she was talking about how he asked you out. That was all I heard. I got confirmation from Twitter though. The fans, they always know what’s going on.”

“I assume there are pictures?” You asked curiously. It was awkward to even be discussing this with him, but you really hoped you had avoided having pictures all over the internet even if it had just been a friendly dinner.

“No, but people saw you together. They’re just talking.”

“Oh,” you breathed out, relieved that it wasn’t anything more, “well, I’m not sure that it’s any of your business.”

“No, it’s not. I was just observing,” Rob said. You turned from him again, ready to walk away, “Hey, you shouldn’t let him stop you from doing the things that you love to do, you know?”

“He’s not stopping me from doing the concert, Robert,” you argued. You faced him again, trying your best to keep your cool, “you are.”

“Me?”

“I’m still so angry with you. It still hurts to be near you; but, unfortunately, we have to work together. I just figure it’s easier for me if I distance myself from you as much as I can.”

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled, “please, just don’t call me Robert. You only do that when you’re mad at me.”

“I have to admit I’m a little pissed right now.”

“I shouldn’t have said anything. What you do and who you do it with isn’t my business anymore, I know that. I just hope he’s decent to you.”

You glared at him, displeased with the tone he was taking with you. It was almost as if he disapproved of you spending time with Adam. You were confused as to why it might even be an issue with him.

“Adam is a nice guy,” you stated, unsure as to why you felt the need to defend him and yourself to Rob, “regardless of that, you of all people shouldn’t be concerned.”

“I just, wish we could still get along,” Rob sighed, changing the subject slightly, “I wish you would still involve yourself in these things that we’ve always done together.”

“If I keep doing that, it’s going to make me crazy. You’re the one wanted to end this. Please don’t expect me to stick around just because it benefits you. Don’t make me feel shitty because you think I still owe you something.”

“I don’t think you owe me anything-”

“Then stop acting like I do!” You had finally lost your cool. It was one thing for him to take note of the fact that you had been out with Adam, it was a different thing completely for him to sit there, acting as if he was concerned with how Adam treated you. “You left me! Stop thinking that I need to sit here and tell you if I’m happy or not. Stop expecting me to think that you’re a great guy because you pretend that you’re looking out for me.”

“Okay, you’re right. I’m sorry. I overstepped.”

“Stop apologizing,” you spat out as you turned from him again. You headed for the door, seething over his behavior, “Oh, and stay out of my business.”

* * *

When the day had ended, you rushed to meet Adam. He had mentioned that he had something planned for the two of you. You were nervous, but more excited than anything. For some reason, you knew that whatever he had planned was going to be fun. Also, you really enjoyed getting to know him. He was new and interesting and just being around him made you smile.

* * *

“Mini golf?” You asked.

“I hope it’s okay. I would’ve taken you to play real golf, but it’s late.”  
“It’s great, I love golf,” you said happily.

“Really? You play?”

“I used to,” you replied, “it’s been a long time though.”

“What? I don’t think I could go for too long without playing.”

“I mean, when you’re constantly with someone who has no interest in it, you sort of lose focus on it.”

“Did the two of you have anything in common?” He asked smugly. You watched him as he got into his stance, focusing on his shot.

“Not really, no,” you answered truthfully.

“Interesting,” he stated simply as he took his shot.

“Hey, we still made it work. For as long as we could anyway. Although, it is kinda nice to hang out with someone that shares interests with me.”

“So, good choice for a date?”

“Yeah, this is a great choice.”

“So, this is a date then?” He asked, eyeing you carefully as you stepped up for your turn.

“Yeah, this is a date,” you chuckled, shaking your head at him.

“Perfect. So, if I win, I get to kiss you,” he announced cheekily.

“Oh, you think so?” You laughed, “Well, if I win, you get to make a public post on social media that states that I am better than you.”

“Wow, ruthless,” he said with a grin, “I like it.”

* * *

You and Adam played through your game. You talked the entire time, getting to know more about each other. You hadn’t taken the time to get to know anyone quite like this, not within the past few years anyway. The more you talked, the more you realized how much you had in common with him. You hadn’t felt a connection like this with anyone before. Not even with Rob. You loved Rob, you always had and you were sure that a part of you always would despite what he had done. However, you had never had conversation like this with him. You had never found yourself so intrigued and excited over how many similarities the two of you had. Actually, you and Rob were very opposite. Most of what you enjoyed, he didn’t; and vice versa. Now that you thought about it, you weren’t even sure how the relationship had lasted as long as it did. You always assumed that it was a case of opposites attract, but, in the aftermath of everything, you thought that maybe you were really meant to be with someone that actually understood you.

“You’re fairly quiet tonight,” Adam said, “what’s on your mind?”

“I’m just thinking about how terrible you are at mini golf,” you laughed. You waved the scorecard in his face, reminding him that you were winning.

“Yeah, yeah,” he rolled his eyes, “maybe I’m just letting you win.”

“You don’t seem like the kind of guy to just allow your date to win.”

“You’re right, I’m not. I’m actually very frustrated that you’re showing me up.”

You smiled as you lined up your next shot, focusing intently on making sure that you beat him. The competitive nature of the date had you excited. This was certainly not how activities with Rob had ever been. The man was always concerned with making sure that you won at whatever you were doing. As you focused, Adam began to whistle loudly, obviously trying to distract you.

“Stop it,” you warned, not taking your eye off the ball.

“Don’t mess up on the last hole,” he said, “Otherwise, I still have a chance.”

You grinned, as you prepared to take your shot. You pulled back gradually, following through with your swing and you watched the ball as it rolled up and over the small hills and right into the hole. You swung your putter over your shoulder, looking at Adam smugly.

“I do believe that even if you sink this shot, I’ve still won.”

“You’re such a show off,” he said, shaking his head. He nodded to you, indicating that you had won the game and he was bowing out gracefully.

“I can’t wait to read about what a loser you are on Twitter.”

“Like I said, ruthless,” he chuckled as he pulled his phone out of his pocket, “but, you have to be in the picture with me.”

You moved next to him and he put his arm around you as you posed. You felt your heartbeat quicken again as he touched you. You smiled happily as he prepared his phone to take the picture. You were smiling for a lot of reasons; because you had actually won the game, the fact that he was touching you, and the fact that you realized that you really liked him. He kept his arm around you; offering a dramatic frown as you continued to smile. You didn’t even look at the phone, your focus was on him and how attractive he was. Before you could even set yourself up for the picture, he had snapped it, moving his arm away from you as he started to post it.

Not long after he shared the picture, you got a notification on your own phone. You pulled it out to see that he had tagged you in his post, “I gracefully lost a game of golf to the lovely @Y/T/H. Don’t let her cute face fool you, she’s merciless.” You chuckled to yourself as you replied to his tweet, “You forgot to mention that I am better than you.”

The two of you headed back to the hotel after a quick late night dinner. You made him pay since you had won at mini golf. Even though you had spent the last two days talking and getting to know each other, even the conversation through dinner never went stale. You felt happy just being around him, and you honestly hadn’t stopped laughing the entire time you had spent with him.

As you started to head back to the rooms, Adam checked his phone, reading through some messages before he stopped you with a new plan.

“Drinks?” Adam asked.

“Where?”

“The concert is over, everyone is heading to a bar nearby.”

“I don’t know…” you replied hesitantly. You wanted to spend time with your friends, but you really wanted to avoid Rob, especially after the conversation from earlier that day.

“Y/N, you’re allowed to hang out with your own friends. Just because he will be there, doesn’t mean that you can’t be there too.”

“He just… puts me in such a bad mood when I see him, and I’ve been having such a good time with you. I don’t want to spoil it.”

“Hey, I’m always here to make you smile, maybe make you forget about him for a moment.”

You recalled how you had completely forgotten that Rob even existed during karaoke, all because Adam made sure he paid attention to you, making you laugh and being silly.

“Okay, fine. It could be fun.”

* * *

You and Adam arrived at the bar together. You made sure to distance yourself from him, not wanting anyone to think anything was going on between the two of you other than just hanging out. You don’t know why you were so concerned about what anyone else thought, you just knew that you didn’t want anyone to look at you as if you were a bad person. For some reason, throughout the breakup, you had felt like you were the bad guy. It was stupid, as none of it was really your fault as far as you knew, but you always believed that if the moment came when people would have to pick sides; they would choose Rob. So, you stayed a safe distance from Adam for the most part, but continued to stay by his side. You continued to talk and laugh together.

You finally had a chance to hang out with your friends, all of you gathered at a table as everyone drank even though most of them seemed to have had enough for the night. Even Rob sat with all of you, and all you could do was nervously avoid his stare.

At one point, Adam disappeared for a few minutes, only to return to your side with two shot glasses in his hands. He handed you one, giving you a wink as he downed his own shot.

“Wh-what is this?” you asked nervously.

“Whiskey, and it’s the good stuff.”

“Oh, okay,” you put the glass to your lips, wondering if it was a good idea to partake. You had already had a few beers at dinner but you didn’t want to seem like a lightweight in front of him. During your hesitation, you heard Rob scoff loudly across from you. You looked up at him.

“She doesn’t drink, you idiot,” Rob pointed out rudely to Adam, “not usually anyway.”

Adam looked at you, “you had wine at dinner the other night, and a couple of drinks earlier…”

“I just don’t usually drink,” you replied, “it’s not like I’m not allowed to though.” You glared at Rob, pissed that he even interfered.

“I’m not trying to force you or anything, I just thought you’d like a drink.”

“I just, have low alcohol tolerance. I can’t keep up most of the time.”

“Aw, honey,” Adam cooed at you. He rubbed your back gently, “you just need someone who’s willing to look after you if you get a little tipsy.”

“And you’ll do that?” you chuckled, “you’ll take care of me if I get wasted.”

“That escalated quickly, but yes. I would do that.”

You smiled at him and downed your shot quickly, reaching for his beer to chase it when you realized that it was a little more difficult to handle than you had expected.

“That’s my girl!” he exclaimed. You glanced over to Rob again who was staring down at his drink, looking pretty pissed off. “Let’s dance,” Adam said as he took your hand and led you to the dance floor.

“I don’t dance,” you explained as soon as he had managed to get you out there..

“Sure you do,” he argued. He wrapped his arms around your waist and you immediately rested your arms over his shoulders. He began to move you as the two of you danced. “See. Look at you, dancing.”

You giggled, looking around to see who was watching you. Of course, a few of your friends had taken notice and it made you nervous as they stared. You caught sight of Rob by accident, who was sitting alone at the bar now, definitely looking in your direction. You turned your head quickly, not wanting to know what he must be feeling. You had to remind yourself that it didn’t matter anymore.

“Don’t look at him,” Adam whispered in your ear, “the more you look at him, the more it hurts.”

“You know, it hurts a lot less now that I’ve been spending time with you.”

“Good. Because I like you. I like seeing you smile.”

You did just that at his words; smiled.

“Why are you so nice to me?” You asked.

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I don’t know…” you trailed off. You wanted to ask him so many questions, mostly to figure out why he showed interest in a screw up like you, “I mean, I did kick your butt at golf.”

“Ah, I’m only upset that I didn’t win that kiss.”

You felt your face flush as you ran your fingertips down the back of his neck. You had to admit, it was really nice to be in his arms. You leaned back to look at him, suddenly feeling brave.

“You know, maybe you could get a participation award,” you said as you stared into his eyes.

“I might like that.”

Before you could stop yourself, you were leaning into him, eyes still focused on his as your lips ghosted his for a brief moment. You wanted to kiss him, but something was stopping you. Your heart raced with anticipation, your stomach doing cartwheels as you waited there; trying to decide if this was too much, too soon.

Suddenly, it seemed as if he couldn’t wait much longer because he was crashing his lips to yours before you could think about making the move anymore. It caught you off guard and you gasped against his lips as you tried to steady yourself. He was definitely kissing you. You curled your fingers into the front of his shirt, starting to push at him to make him stop. You didn’t push hard enough to indicate that you wanted him to stop though, and eventually you just gave up. Instead of trying to put distance between you, you noticed that you were pulling at him, trying to bring him closer as he continued to kiss you softly.

You were still nervous. This was different from any other kiss you had ever had. It wasn’t rushed, and he kept it chaste by just pressing his lips against yours gently. His lips were soft and not at all what you had expected from him. After a while, you decided that you wanted more, so you parted your lips against his, hoping he would get the hint. He read you well, allowing his tongue to meet yours as you deepened the kiss. You were sure you moaned into his mouth, excited over how nice this felt. You hadn’t been kissed in a long time. He tasted like whiskey and mint, and you couldn’t get enough of it.

You gradually worked your hands from his shirt to the back of his neck again, pulling him closer as you continued to kiss. This was different, but amazing. You felt your head spin, knees buckling beneath you. You really hoped that you hadn’t been tipsy in that moment, because you couldn’t tell if it was the whiskey or his lips that had the effect on you.

You suddenly became very aware that you were making out with him in the middle of a bar; where all of your friends were, where many of your fans probably were, and where Rob definitely was.

You pulled away from him, breathing heavy as you finally came back for air. He did the same, smiling at you as watched you try to regain your composure. He pulled you back in, pressing his lips against your ear so you could hear him.

“Don’t get so flustered, that was nice.”

“I can’t make out with you in the middle of a bar full of people that I work with,” you argued. You were definitely flustered and slightly humiliated that you had let this happen.

“You mean, you can’t make out with me in front of your ex,” he stated simply, “who, by the way, hasn’t stopped staring at us.”

“Oh god,” you mumbled, “please just stop.”

“You’re worried that he’s pissed off now. You’re worried that you’ve hurt his feelings.”

“Quit telling me how I feel and what I’m thinking!” you yelled. You pulled back from him, swatting his hand away as he tried to console you. “I just- I shouldn’t be kissing someone this soon. I just became single.”

“It’s been a month, Y/N,” he reminded you.

“Yeah, only a month! Everyone is going to think I’m a slut.”

“Hey!” Adam raised his voice, his amused expression turning serious at your words, “don’t you ever talk about yourself like that.”

“Well, they will! I’m a horrible person. I should be staying in, letting myself feel sad because I am still sad. I shouldn’t be here with you.”

“Okay,” he started. He grabbed your arm gently, walking toward the exit, “let’s just get you out of here.”

He walked you out of the bar as quickly as you could while you began to cry, the alcohol definitely catching up to you. You didn’t want to do it, but your immediate reaction was to turn to Rob. He was still at the bar, only now he was standing, with Matt in front of him, almost as if Matt was holding him back from something. You watched Rob as he watched you walk out of there with Adam. You wanted to stop feeling bad for him; but he followed you with his eyes, looking concerned.

“Great, now everyone just saw me leave with you,” you stated when you finally got outside. You were still crying, hiccuping as you spoke. You were dizzy and your face was numb. All you wanted to do was sleep it off.

“It’s better than everyone watching you have a meltdown.”

You rolled your eyes at him. Why you were suddenly so put off by him you didn’t know. After all, you had initiated the kiss.

“I-I just want to go back to my room,” you sputtered.

“Okay, I’ll walk you,” Adam said as he tightened his grip on your arm.

“No,” you interjected, “don’t. Just leave me alone. Go back to the bar and tell everyone I left on my own.”

“You really don’t want people to think you left with me,” he observed. He frowned at you, probably hurt that you really didn’t want to be seen with him right now.

“I’m not leaving with you,” you reminded him, “I’m not taking you home, I’m not going to sleep with you.”

“Hey, I never said anything…” Adam argued. He had his hands up now, a puzzled look on his face as he tried to gauge your sudden strange behavior.

“That’s what you’re trying to do, isn’t it?”

He dropped his hands, shaking his head at you, looking disgusted now. You felt bad for hurting his feelings, but for some reason, the words didn’t stop.

“No one just shows up, interested in a girl who literally just got dumped. I know what this is, you’re thinking that I’m sad and pathetic enough right now, that you can be really nice to me and easily get me into bed with you.”

“I really hope this is the whiskey talking,” Adam laughed.

“It’s just me.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Y/N. I like you. I just do. I’m sorry if I pushed you into anything you didn’t want to do.”

“I’m mad at you,” you pouted. Truthfully, you were mad at yourself. You had let the kiss happen even though you really meant to hold off on it. You were mad that you had just now hurt his feelings and made a fool of yourself yet again. You were mad that you felt the need to push him away just because you were still so torn up over Rob. You were mad that you couldn’t let yourself at least try to be happy again.

“You’re an adorable drunk,” he chuckled. For some reason, this made you even more mad. You felt like this was a serious thing that had just happened, and here he was, joking about it.

“It’s not funny,” you mumbled.

“Okay, you’re still mad,” he said, “then we’ll just see if you’re still mad at me in the morning.”

You grinned at him and his cockiness. Even with you berating him for no real reason, he maintained his stance on showing interest in you. The man was intriguing for sure.

Before you could say anything else, Briana exited the bar and noticed you. She walked over to you, embracing you.

“Are you okay? What happened?” She turned to Adam accusingly.

“Nothing,” you replied, “there’s still a reason that I don’t drink. I was just done being horrible to Adam, and now I’m going to go home and hope that he can forgive me in the morning.”

Adam smiled at you, “I would never hold anything against you.”

“Walk me home, Bri?”

“Yeah, I’m heading back too.”

“Goodnight Adam,” you said before you turned from him.

“Goodnight, beautiful,” he replied.

You and Briana walked away from him, a grin still present on your face despite all the crying you had just done. You may have overreacted, but it didn’t seem to scare him off. 

* * *


	11. Just because I'm sad, don't mean that I'm unhappy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader is unimpressed with Rob’s concern for her, and she lets him know it.

**Sunday**

As you were focused on applying your makeup, you heard a knock at your door. It was fairly early and you were just getting ready for the day since you had another panel and photo ops. Since only a handful of people would ever visit you this early, you assumed it was Adam; probably stopping by to check on you and make sure you weren’t still mad at him. You smiled to yourself as you bounded to the door, in a surprisingly good mood as you felt pretty decent this morning. You opened the door dramatically, looking forward to seeing him standing in front of you.

“Adam, I-” you cut yourself short when you realized it wasn’t Adam knocking on your door. “Rob,” you said, surprised that he was the one standing there, “what are you doing here?”

“I’m sorry if you were expecting someone else,” he mumbled. He averted his eyes from yours, nervously staring down at the floor, “and I know you want me to leave you alone, but I really had to check on you.”

“Rob, please,” you began, rolling your eyes at him as he attempted yet again to be friendly with you.

“Here, look,” he extended his arm out to you, offering you the cup of coffee that he had been holding, “it’s a peace offering. Your favorite.”

You hesitantly took the cup from him, actually grateful that someone had thought to bring you coffee. Of course it had been him, he always was very thoughtful, especially after you had maybe had too much to drink or were feeling sad. Most of that had changed after he left, and you weren’t sure why he felt the sudden need to keep trying to be nice to you.

“What do you want?” You asked finally. He stood there, studying you now. He only ever looked at you this way when he was trying to gauge what state you were in emotionally.

“I just- at the bar, it looked like you and… Adam, were fighting or something. You left looking pretty upset.” You narrowed your eyes at the way he had to force himself to say Adam’s name. “I tried to go to you just before you left, but Matt stopped me. Said it wasn’t my business.”

“Well, it’s not,’ you reminded him. You recalled how you had seen him being held back by Matt, that look of concern in his eyes as he watched Adam drag you out of the bar.  In fact, it appeared as if everyone thought that you and Adam had been fighting based on how they saw you react after that kiss. Briana had already brought it up last night when she walked you back to the hotel. You had at least eased her mind as you explained to her what had actually happened. It wasn’t him at all. It was how messed up you were from this split with Rob, your own fear of how everyone was viewing you now that you were considering moving on.

“No, I know. But, I was just worried that he hurt you or something.”

“He didn’t.”

“Good, because I really don’t know that I could take him.” He laughed nervously at his joke.

“What?”

“Look, just because you don’t want me in your life at all anymore, doesn’t mean that I don’t still care about you. It doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t protect you.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” you replied, raising your voice now, “I thought it was because you’re the one who doesn’t want me in _your_ life.”

“I never said I didn’t want you to be in my life…”

“No, but you’re the one who gave up on the only life that I knew. Don’t you get it? You left. I don’t need you to defend my honor or whatever it is that you think you need to do.”

“I know you don’t need me to, but I can’t help it. I still love you. Regardless of how I ended things, I didn’t do it because I stopped loving you.”

“Dammit Robert!” You ran your hand through your hair in frustration. You were feeling completely confused and increasingly angry, just having him here in front of you still hurt. Just looking at him made you hurt. The addition of these words that you used to say to each other daily and freely didn’t make sense at this point. You couldn’t wrap your head around how someone could think that they still loved someone that they had just destroyed. “You need to stop this. You have to leave me alone. Please, let me just at least try to move on. Can you please let me try to get to a point where looking at you doesn’t make me want to break down all the time?”

Rob turned his head, trying to avoid your stare. Probably trying to avoid seeing that you were now on the verge of tears again. You however, watched him, hoping that you had somehow gotten through to him. His own eyes were watery, almost as if he were ready to cry. Again, you hated him for it. You hated that he was still playing at being just as hurt as you were.

“I wish I could tell you that I appreciate your concern,” you continued, “but I don’t. I’m not a child, I can take care of myself. And, not that it’s your business, but Adam did nothing wrong last night. That was all me, still a mess over this,” you gestured between you and him, letting him know that this was all about the two of you, “I’m the one who overreacted because all I can do anymore is worry what everyone thinks of me… what you think of me, even though it doesn’t even fucking matter anymore.”

You were crying now, gradually letting your frustrations with Rob out. A lot of what you had been keeping in was coming out now. Much of what you had been wanting to say to him, you were finally saying.

“Jesus, I can’t even kiss a guy without thinking that I’m the one doing something wrong. All you’ve ever done lately is make me think that I’m the reason everything turned to shit.” When you realized that you were really losing your cool, you knew it was time to back down. Nothing good was going to come from another fight with Rob. You were shaking now, words catching as you struggled to keep your voice down as much as you could. “Thank you for all of this,” you said sarcastically, “thanks for ruining my day again.”

“I wasn’t trying to.” Rob said softly, only now turning back to meet your stare. “I was just worried about you. I just want you to be happy.”

“I was happy,” you spat, “I know you like to think that we were both miserable, but I wasn’t. Near the end, I was only sad because I knew… I knew that you were going to leave. It wasn’t any less painful just because I knew,” you paused briefly; focusing on calming yourself, trying to make him understand that you were only trying to give him what he wanted. To be rid of you. “I’m just trying to learn to let other people in. Let someone else care about me. And maybe Adam is that person. Either way, it doesn’t involve you.”

“You really just… want me to leave you alone completely?”

“Yeah, I do. I can’t do the whole ‘friends’ thing with you. I just can’t. Because, you still can’t even tell me what I did wrong. I go through every day still asking myself what I did. Do you know what it’s like to blame yourself for something like that?”

Rob shook his head, still looking hurt. He didn’t speak again, and you decided it was time to end this before it got too heated as arguments between the two of you usually did.

“Goodbye Rob,” you said quietly. You stepped back into your room, giving him one more glance before you shut the door behind you.

* * *

Once you were in the safety of your room again, away from Rob, you broke down. Why was this still so damn hard? You pressed your back against the door, trying to cry as quietly as you could. It was bad enough that other hotel guests could have easily heard your conversation with Rob in the hallway, you didn’t want people to hear you crying as well. Almost as soon as you had closed the door on Rob, there was another knock on your door. You felt yourself get angry, thinking it was him again. His persistence was annoying, and you opened the door angrily to tell him to leave.

This time, it wasn’t Rob. Adam stood there, a cocky grin plastered on his face until he took a moment to actually look at you. His face fell when he noticed that you might not be okay.

“Y/N?” He questioned you.

You let out a loud sob, still feeling very upset, but also appreciative that he was here. Never had you felt so many different emotions all at once. You were still reeling from the run in with Rob, but just seeing Adam was adding a sense of comfort to the mess of emotions. Before either of you said anything else, you grabbed him by his arm and yanked him toward you. He wrapped his arms around your waist as you led him into your room, the door slamming shut behind you.

“I saw Rob leaving-” he started. You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him toward you before he could get another word out. You forcefully crashed your lips against his; still crying, your makeup all but ruined. You expected him to push you away. No one wanted to kiss a mess like you. You sort of wanted him to push you away, you wanted him to tell you that you had messed up any chance you had with him. You wanted him to tell you that you were too broken to be loved again. For some reason, you thought that you deserved it.

You were pleasantly surprised when he tightened his embrace on you, pushing his lips harder against yours. You had stopped crying now; running your hands across his shoulders as your tongues explored each other. He still tasted just as amazing as he had last night, only less whiskey on his lips.

Without thinking, you guided your hands down his chest to push him away gently. He looked at you, confused as you broke the kiss. You figured that he assumed you were going to react the same way you had last night. Instead you reached for the hem of your own shirt, pulling it over your head and discarding it on the floor. You brought him back to you, biting his bottom lip. He moaned out loud, bringing his hands back up to explore your skin. It felt nice, having the skin to skin contact with him. His fingertips grazed along your back, sending shivers through your body. You closed your eyes as he changed his focus, working his mouth down your neck, stopping to suck and bite as he nuzzled into you. You sighed, amazed at how good this felt.

It was when you felt him reach for your bra that you began to get nervous. You knew exactly what you were implying right now. You were basically offering yourself up to him, even though you didn’t really want to. Maybe it had just been a combination of being so angry with Rob and then seeing Adam, who had been so nice to you; but this wasn’t who you wanted to be. You really liked him. But, you also knew that you were not ready for this. You wanted to stop him from going any farther, and all you could think of was how he was going to think that you were a tease. You knew you were just trying to make yourself stop feeling so sad about Rob. For some reason, you thought that by being with Adam, it would magically make all of that pain disappear.

Although he had reached for your bra, preparing to unhook it, he had already stopped himself. He dropped his hands back to your hips, moving his face back up to yours as he kissed you on the mouth again. You breathed a sigh of relief when you realized he wasn’t going to let this escalate. But, you also felt rejected.

“You don’t want me?” you asked, staring into his eyes. Why were you so hurt that he had stopped? You didn’t want to sleep with him yet, but for some reason, you felt hurt that he wasn’t going to try.

“You have no idea how badly I want you,” he whispered. He kissed you softly again, “but, I also saw your ex leave just as I showed up. You’re crying and I know that something happened to upset you. I’d never take advantage of a woman who is upset.”

You smiled at him, impressed that he actually wasn’t the type of guy to take advantage of the situation.

“I’m sorry,” you muttered.

“It’s okay. I know this isn’t what you really want.”

“I’m a mess.”

“You’re a cute mess.”

“I’m embarrassed.”

“Don’t be. You’re sad. We do strange things when we’re sad. But, I’m not going to let you do something that you might regret.”

He bent down, retrieving your shirt from the floor, handing it to you. You blushed when you realized what you had done and you were still standing in front of him, shirtless. You put it back on, noticing that you had calmed down a bit.

“I bet you’re kicking yourself for getting involved with a girl who is absolutely out of her mind,” you chuckled, only hoping that you were wrong.

“Not at all,” he laughed, “you’re certainly keeping me on my toes.”

“Thanks for not making a big deal out of my behavior.”

He chuckled softly, “Well, that was a nice way to be greeted in the morning.”

“You’re welcome.” It was strange how easily Adam was able to turn your embarrassing moment around. While you should still be in a panic, worrying that you had ruined whatever this was with him; you found yourself smiling again and laughing at the situation. It helped that he continued to look at you as if you were the most beautiful person in the world. He didn’t act any differently with you, he didn’t even ask you what the hell you were thinking. More importantly, he had been the one to stop a situation that you definitely didn’t want to happen, at least not yet.

“I actually just dropped by to say goodbye,” he explained. You frowned at him, suddenly nervous that you might have actually scared him off.

“You’re leaving?”

“Yeah, my flight home is in a few hours. I wasn’t scheduled to be at the convention today.”

“Oh,” you said softly, looking down at the floor to keep yourself from getting too upset. You were actually feeling a bit sad now, knowing that he wouldn’t be around on the last day. Having him around, especially after your fight with Rob, would have been comforting today.

“Hey,” he said as he reached his hand up, gently tilting your face up so that you would look at him, “I’ll call you. You haven’t scared me off yet.”

“Good, because I do like you.”

“I’ll see you around, Y/N.” He leaned in, kissing you again.

“At the next con?” you questioned when he pulled back after a few moments of making out.

“I don’t know when that will be. Haven’t been invited to anything coming up.”

You pouted, unimpressed that he wasn’t scheduled for anything.

“Okay,” you said, “I would really like if you did call me.”

“I will,” he replied, “you’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

He hesitantly moved away from you, letting his hand linger on your waist. When he finally let go, he headed for the door, turning back to look at you.

“You’ll miss your flight,” you said.

“It’s just a little difficult to walk away from you for some reason.”

“Sweet talker,” you said with a giggle.

He grinned at you again as he finally walked out of the room. You breathed a sigh of relief. How you had managed to act like a complete idiot, yet still have him wanting to be with you was beyond you. Anyone in their right mind would see that you were acting just a little bit crazy lately, but maybe he was able to see past all of that.

* * *

When you finally got down to the convention, already cutting it close to missing one of your own panels, your first thought was that you needed to avoid Rob. Although you had a panel with him, Rich, and Matt as usual; you were focused on just ignoring him. You were done trying to pretend to be friendly. You had been trying to make it seem as if you and Rob were okay in terms of getting along at least, mostly for the sake of the fans. You didn’t want them to think that you absolutely couldn’t stand the man anymore. Now, you realized that you couldn’t keep trying to hide what you were really feeling.

Fortunately for you, Rob ended up being the one to avoid you. Even during your panel with the guys, he never once looked toward you, you knew because you were mostly staring at his back through the whole thing. Rich and Matt made sure to include you in the discussions where Rob had acted as if you didn’t exist. It was the most awkward you had ever felt during a panel.

When it finally ended, you made your way to the green room. There, Briana and Kim greeted you, calling you over to the couch that they were seated at. You happily plopped down beside Kim, realizing that you hadn’t spent much time with them lately.

“So?” Kim said, raising her brows as if she were waiting for something.

“What?”

“You and Adam, huh?”

You groaned, rubbing your hand over your face, “Not me and Adam. It’s nothing. We’ve been hanging out is all.”

“Well, I don’t usually make out with dudes that I just hang out with,” Kim retorted, “but maybe that’s your thing.”

“”Don’t talk to me like that,” you replied, growing angry over the fact that she was thinking of you the exact way that you didn’t want your friends to think of you.

“I didn’t mean anything by it.”

“God forbid that I spend time with someone new. Do you all forget that Rob is the one who left me? Why am I a bad person for trying to move on?” You were willing yourself not to cry again. It was one thing to have Rob think of you as a bad person, you really couldn’t handle having your own girl friends think of you that way.

“Y/N, I really didn’t mean to sound rude,” Kim replied. She placed a hand on your knee, trying to let you know that she was sorry, “I just- it was unexpected. I didn’t realize you were dating again.”

“I’m not,” you sighed, “I wasn’t trying to anyway. Adam has been very nice to me and I like being around him. I was tipsy last night and that kiss shouldn’t have happened. Not like that.”

“Like I said,” added Briana, “to get over a guy, you gotta get under a new one.”

“I’m not sleeping with him,” you said.

“No one’s going to think less of you if you are though,” Kim replied. You smiled at her. Maybe you had been wrong about them. Maybe they didn’t care if you started dating again, even if it did seem too soon. “I was only teasing. He’s a good guy and you seem very happy when you’re around him. It’s a nice change from how you’ve been lately.”

“So, you don’t think it’s too soon to say that I might really like Adam?”

They both grinned at you, seeming pleased that you had finally let them in on what had been going on the past few days.

“That’s wonderful!” Kim exclaimed.

“Really? I knew he was into you, I just didn’t know if you’d be into him,” added Briana.

“I didn’t think I would be either,” you admitted, “but he’s really nice and he makes me laugh. He’s also a really good kisser.” You blushed as you said it, feeling like a giggly school girl as you gossiped with Kim and Briana about your crush.

“I’m happy for you,” said Kim, “whatever you need to do to make yourself feel happy again, do it.”

“Is it bad that I’m still not over Rob?” You asked. You sort of regretted being honest about it. It made you feel so insecure to still be at this stage.

“No, how could you be? You were with him for a long time,” Kim replied.

“I just- it still hurts, a lot. And Adam knows this. He’s still willing to spend time with me even if he knows I’m still not healed yet.”

“He’s a lot more honorable than most men,” Briana stated.

“He mostly just tells me that he’s going to do what he can to help me stop thinking about it. Honestly, when I’m with him, sometimes I forget about Rob completely.”

“That’s a good thing,” said Briana, “maybe he’s the one to help you heal.”

“Maybe…” you trailed off, considering the possibility. You weren’t going to object to anyone that could possibly help you get over this whole thing with Rob. It hurt enough to the point where you were willing to do anything you could to make the pain stop. You had tried crying until there were no more tears left to cry. You had tried drinking the pain away. You had tried shutting yourself off from the world just to avoid thinking of him. None of it had worked, if anything, it all made it more difficult. When you were with Adam though, those were the only times when you had brief moments of completely forgetting that Rob existed. It didn’t happen all at once, and it never lasted long; but the fact that those moments were happening, it made you want to be around Adam even more.

“So, how does this work when he’s home, in a completely different country than you?” Briana asked.

“I don’t know,” you replied. You hadn’t really thought about it. You almost forgot that he lived so far away and you rarely even saw each other as it was. You had been so caught up in him this weekend, you never stopped to consider what it would be like to be involved with yet another man that you rarely got to see. The thought of it made your chest hurt, as if your heart were breaking over someone that you were only getting to know. You realized that dating him was going to be almost exactly how it was dating Rob. Another man that wasn’t around, another man who would eventually walk out on you because you weren’t there enough for him. You knew that a cellphone relationship wasn’t going to last. Eventually, you would be right back where you had started.

“It’ll be okay,” Briana said, almost as if she were reading your mind as you thought about the mess you were getting yourself into again, “he’ll call you, right?”

“Yeah, I think so.”


	12. What a tool I am, what a fool I’ve been

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rob knows that he’s a screw up. But, does everyone else have to keep reminding him of it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A couple of people asked for Rob’s POV in this fic. I gave it a shot because you asked so nicely. Not sure if it works, so if if it’s terrible, just pretend it didn’t happen.

**Rob’s POV Sunday**

He had been an idiot. He knew that. He also knew that it was out of line for him to check up on her this morning, following what had apparently been a rough night for her. All he could think about today was how he had made her cry… again. He thought that by letting her know that he still cared for her, things would be easier between them, maybe this breakup would be easier on him too. Unfortunately, it hadn’t gone that way.

Seeing her kissing Adam, that had been a whole new experience. Sure, he had been hurting as well; but seeing that, it devastated him. When that kiss had apparently turned badly, he couldn’t help himself but to try to make a move to go to her. It came naturally to him. Seeing her crying and yelling at him like that, he only thought the worst. He only thought about how he could get her out of the situation. Matt however, wouldn’t allow it. Rob had become increasingly irritated as he watched the scene unfold; close enough to see that she wasn’t okay, but too far to be able to hear what was actually happening. Regardless of how concerned he had been for her well-being, Matt told him to back off. He held him back, probably just as irritated with Rob as Y/N was.

It had been his own mistake to seek her out today but he really thought that by the way she had watched him as Adam pulled her from the bar, she might have been secretly pleading with him to help her. 

That was all a stupid idea. Apparently, Adam was a nice guy. Apparently her meltdown had nothing to do with Adam and had a whole lot to do with Rob. Standing there at her door, as she reminded him again of how much he had hurt her and how she wanted him to just leave her alone, he realized that he really had fucked up. So, he had done as she had asked and kept his distance the rest of the day.

It was a strange thing; not talking to her every day, not seeing her smile when he approached her, not being able to touch her anymore.

He hadn’t considered all of this when he decided to end things. He hadn’t thought about the possibility that she wouldn’t even want to stay friends.

Now, he was at the con early, going through soundcheck with the band. It wasn’t going well and he only had himself to blame for it. He couldn’t even focus on what he was supposed to be doing because all he could think about was the look on her face when she had finally told him to back off. All he could think about was Adam kissing her. He shook the thoughts from his head, determined to focus.

“You’re not really with it today,” Billy had mentioned.

“I’m a little off today,” Rob replied.

“Don’t let it get to you.” Rob knew Billy was referring to the events of the other night. “Sucks to see your ex with another guy, but you had to be expecting it.”

“Yeah, I know she wasn’t going to stay single forever.”

* * *

Later on, in between introducing panels, he had caught sight of her a few times. Nervously, he continued to try to stay away, not even attempting to look at her. She was angry with him, she had every right to be. Even during their group panel, he kept his back to her, not acknowledging her. Maybe if he did exactly as she had asked, she could forgive him a little.

After their panel, Rich had pulled him aside.

“Are you okay?” He asked.

“Not really,” Rob replied honestly, “I just keep fucking up. She’s so angry at me, and I don’t know what to do.”

“What you need to do is leave her alone,” Rich said, “you walked out on her, for whatever reason. You can’t keep trying to stay involved, it doesn’t work like that.”

Rob only nodded, knowing full well that his friend was right. It wasn’t fair for him to continue to show his concern for her, to keep telling her that he loved her. Not after what he had done.

* * *

Even though Rich had already talked to him, it seemed that he wasn’t in the clear when it came to over involved friends. Briana all but chewed him out over his behavior at the bar. She had told him repeatedly to quit staring, quit talking rudely to Adam, and to quit thinking that he needed to jump at every instance where he thought Y/N was in trouble. It was no longer his place. Today, Briana had more to add. Obviously Y/N had already talked to Briana about what had happened this morning.

“I’ve tried to remain neutral in all of this, you are both my friends and this fucking sucks. But I have to step in and say I’m siding with her on this. You have to leave her alone. You are only making this harder for her, the girl is a mess.”

“I don’t mean to make it harder for her. I don’t want her to be sad,” he argued.

“Look, I don’t know what happened between the two of you, neither does she, and God knows you won’t explain yourself; but you left. You have to stop trying to be in in her life, especially when she might finally be getting over you.”

“She’s getting over me with him?”

“I don’t know what she’s doing. I do know that he makes her smile. I haven’t seen her this happy in a while Rob.”

“She was so upset with him last night, I was worried. I only wanted to make sure she was okay.”

“It’s not your place anymore,” Briana reminded him, “I know you think you owe it to her to show that you care, but you have to stop.”

“She already told me that,” he said.

“Then listen to her. Adam isn’t a bad guy.”

“I know he’s not. I know what happened last night. It wasn’t him… it was me. I’m doing this, I’m ruining her life still. I’m not even with her anymore and I’m still ruining her life.”

“I wouldn’t say you’re ruining her life,” Briana said softly. She eyed him carefully, realizing that the man was overcome with regret. “You’re just… making it hard for her to find something that does makes her happy.”

“I’m backing off,” Rob mumbled, “it won’t be easy, because I really do love her. But I know that I hurt her and I can’t keep doing that. She doesn’t deserve any of this.”

Briana watched him still, curious as to what he was getting at. Rob had never told anyone the real reason behind him ending things. Mostly because he couldn’t even wrap his own mind around his justification. In all fairness, he had tried for a long time to get her to walk out on him instead. No matter how terrible he treated her, she stuck around. She tried so hard to make it work and that only made him want to end things sooner.

“Why did you leave?” Briana asked finally. No one had actually ever asked him. For the most part, everyone stayed out of it. It wasn’t usually appropriate to ask someone why a relationship has ended, especially when his friends were also her friends.

“I told you, we weren’t happy. We both got to the point where we no longer wanted the same things.”

“Still with the lame ass excuse?” Briana rolled her eyes.

“I couldn’t stay in a relationship that was going nowhere.” He of course was referring to what he had originally told everyone. He had mentioned the idea of a family and marriage. He wanted stability. Y/N didn’t. So, he told everyone that he left because they obviously weren’t on the same page. He knew the truth behind all of that though. She had made it very clear that she was unwilling to tie herself down to someone who was never around.

“Then why are you still doing this to her?”

Rob only shrugged, acting unsure, but knowing full well that he knew he had made a mistake and found it impossible to let her go. Now that Adam was in the picture, it only made his mistake seem all the more horrible. He had basically stepped aside and allowed another man to swoop right in to possibly make her forget all about him. His mistakes were only expanding. He had hoped that he could keep her interest for some reason. Keep her tied to him; because, although he had walked out on her, he very selfishly wanted to keep her.

“I worry that she’s not ready emotionally to date again. Adam is going to take advantage of her.” Rob replied. It wasn’t true, he knew that. He knew damn well that Adam had always harbored a crush on Y/N, ever since the man had first met her. Rob could read him like a book. At the time, Rob felt he needed to step in and remind Adam that she was taken, that he might need to back off. Fortunately, Adam had done that on his own. He didn’t try to flirt with her, in fact, he often turned into an awkward mess any time she was around him. She never caught onto it, and thank God for that. If she had been aware then, this relationship probably would’ve ended a lot sooner. She might have realized there was someone better out there for her, someone who would give her his time and attention. In the end, maybe it would have been better that way. At least Rob wouldn’t have to eventually be the one to break her heart.

“He’s not taking advantage of her,” Briana promised him, “he’s just not. I’m not giving you details about them, but he’s not that guy.”

Of course he wasn’t that guy. You have a secret crush on a girl for that long, you’re going to do everything you can to not fuck it up. Rob knew that Adam was most likely treating her well, taking it slow, probably being her shoulder to cry on when she felt the need to talk about what a dick her ex-boyfriend was.

“I only want her to be happy, that’s why…” he trailed off, not really wanting to say the rest of his thought out loud. He had kept his reasoning for leaving her to himself for this long for a reason. It was better that he seem like a jerk rather than having anyone run off and tell her the truth.

“Then, let her be happy,” Briana said simply. She looked at him sympathetically. Maybe she realized that this was difficult on him too.

“I don’t want her to be happy with him,” he said. It was selfish really. But, he didn’t leave her so that she could go and immediately find someone new. He had thought she would take some time for herself to realize what it was that she really wanted, what Rob knew she needed. Instead, he basically offered her up to Adam, the jackass who had obviously been interested in her for some time. It only made sense that he would find out about her broken heart and move right in to fix it for her. The thought if it made Rob sick. Goddamn, he really was a fucking idiot. It wasn’t so much that he thought Adam would hurt her, he really didn’t think that at all. In fact, he realized that Adam could very well be the one man who really could make her happy. That’s what he wanted for her, right? No, this wasn’t about Adam at all. It was jealousy.

He knew he had no right to be jealous. You don’t just leave your long-term girlfriend suddenly, after months of treating her like crap, and then feel jealous when she she finds someone else. Although, that would be true if the breakup had happened for the reasons that Rob had given. Given the true context of the situation, he was insanely jealous. He had never wanted to give her up.

“Well, you don’t get to have a say in her happiness anymore,” Briana replied. God, he hated it when she was right.

* * *

Y/N had left the convention early that day. Took a flight home when she was finally done for the day, leaving the rest to finish up on their own. Rob ached a bit over the fact that he didn’t know where she was anymore. She had moved out of their home, leaving him to live with the memories. He couldn’t give it up though, couldn’t move on from it. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he thought that someday they could go back to how they had been, maybe at a time when he could stop being such an idiot. He only knew that she had found an apartment in the city, away from him. Possibly she was heading home right now to meet Adam. He became annoyed at the thought of it.

Everything was changing. Everything had gone to shit and it was his fault. The one person that he had as his constant companion; through life and even work, was no longer speaking to him. His own friends barely talked to him, unless it was to remind him of what an idiot he was. The fans were disappointed that the couple that they ‘shipped’ was no longer a real thing. The Saturday night concert would no longer be the same, that was already apparent as she chose to back out last night. 

She couldn’t even stand to be around him anymore, not even for work. To be honest, even Rob couldn’t stand himself right now.


	13. The odds are up against you, the damage has been done

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam surprises the Reader, in more ways than one.

When you had returned to L.A. after what felt like the longest convention weekend of your life, you expected to feel a little bit better. You were finally away from the stress of dealing with Rob again, no longer having to worry if he was going to show up to upset you again. It however, wasn’t making you feel better to be home. Strangely, you only found yourself thinking about Adam, wondering what he was doing and if he would actually call you.

You had really put yourself into a bad position. You weren’t thinking clearly over the weekend, allowing yourself to get so caught up in him.

It had been a few days since the con ended and you found yourself hanging out in your apartment most days, not wanting to admit to yourself that you were a little hurt that Adam hadn’t called you yet. You, however, were hurt. You certainly didn’t want to be that girl who waits around for a guy to call her, but you really liked him and thought that he liked you too. You had made a fool of yourself on multiple occasions with him, but he always seemed to want to stick around. This was the only reason why you were now waiting around for him to call. He had told you that he would. Now, you were pretty certain that he had realized how broken you were and that maybe he didn’t want to get involved with you anymore.

That afternoon, you were pleasantly surprised when your phone finally rang and his name showed up on your screen. You felt your heart skip a beat when you saw his name, smiling at yourself when you realized the effect he had on you.

“I thought you’d never call,” you breathed out when you finally answered.

“I know. I’m terrible,” Adam apologized in that thick accent. You were sure you’d forgive him based on how attractive he sounded over the phone, “I’ve been busy, then there’s that annoying time difference thing.”

“Oh yeah, what time is it there anyway?”

“Not too late. Had a moment so I figured I’d better call you before you forgot I existed.”

“I don’t know how I could possibly forget your existence,” you laughed.

“How are you? You’re back in L.A. I assume. Doing anything exciting.”

“I’m really good. And yeah, just hanging out at home. I’m actually pretty bored. I forget what it’s like to not be busy doing something.”

“Well, I can entertain you for a while. Actually, this might sound strange, but do you think you could tell me where you live?”

“What?” you laughed, “why would you need to know where I live?”

“Because, I found a small window of free time in my schedule and I figured I’d get on a plane to go see this pretty girl that I know. Problem is, I have no idea where to find her.”

“What?” You asked, slightly shocked by what he was saying, “Are you- are you here?”

“Well, I’m technically at the airport. But the cabbie needs an address, otherwise I’m just going to end up sitting here like a complete idiot.”

“You… you are something else,” you replied. You could feel your face turn red, flattered that he had come all this way just to see you. You spouted off your address quickly, excited over the idea that you would see him soon.

“I’ll see you soon,” he said before he hung up the phone.

* * *

A while later, there was a knock at your door and you bounded to it, your heart racing as you did so. When you opened the door, he was there; grinning at you with his luggage in hand.

“You are really, truly here aren’t you?”

“I think so,” he replied, scrunching his face up in confusion, “or maybe, it’s all a dream.”

“Well, it’s a good dream then,” you flirted, “come in.” You stepped aside, allowing him to enter. You helped him find a place for his bags and watched him as he stretched.

“Better?” you asked.

“Much better. Airplanes are just so uncomfortable.”

“Yeah,” you said with a smile. You leaned against the wall, still watching him as you tried to comprehend the fact that he was really here. “So, what brings you to town?”

Adam glanced over at you, “Um, I came to see you. I told you that.”

“I mean, you have work or something here and figured you’d take a second to come see me?”

“No,” he replied, still confused, “I honestly just came to see you.”

“Why?”

“I’m sorry-” he began. He looked as if maybe he was questioning if this had been the best idea, “I guess it might have been better to talk to you about it first, but I just missed you.”

“Don’t be sorry. I just- I’ve never had someone drop everything they’re doing to fly across the world just to see me.”

“Really?” He asked, giving you another grin, “Then, I guess it’s safe to say I’m a pretty great guy.”

“Cocky maybe,” you retorted, “but also a pretty great guy.”

He stood there, looking at you as if he wanted to make a move toward you. Maybe he was hesitant because he had just surprised you and wasn’t sure if you enjoyed the surprise. To alleviate any doubts he had, you made the move toward him instead. When you reached him, you curled your fingers into the front of his shirt, looking up at him as he watched to see what you would do.

“You’re really great,” you said softly, bringing your lips closer to his. He met you in your movement, pressing his lips to yours gently before you pressed back harder. You felt him wrap his arms around you and you were relieved by the feeling of him holding you. You stayed like that for some time; kissing feverishly as if you hadn’t kissed each other in a long time.

When you both finally came back for air, you giggled as he placed soft kisses to your neck.

“I’m so glad I decided to surprise you,” he mumbled against your neck.

“Me too,” you replied, trying not to seem to excited now that he was brushing his lips along your neck.

“Well, that was nice,” he said as you pried yourselves apart. The moment had started to get a bit heated and you knew that you weren’t ready to let things go any farther, Adam also knew that you weren’t ready for that. It was nice to be with someone who wasn’t going to push you into anything, who only wanted your company.

“Yeah, I’m glad you’re here. I missed kissing you.”

“Well, I’ll be around for a few days. You can kiss me all you want,” he said, “But, I do have to see about getting a room for a few days since I’ll be in town.”

“A room?”

“Yeah, I mean, I need a place to sleep at night when I’m not making out with you.”

“Well, you could stay here.”

Adam looked at you curiously, “are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“What? I mean, we’re seeing each other, right? And I trust you. You’ve been the one to stop things when they go too far.”

“True, but I don’t know if I can continue to do that.”

“It’s fine. I’ll behave.”

“Okay, we’ll give it a shot.”

* * *

You and Adam spent the afternoon together. It was nice to have him around again. While you had been moping around for a few days, you very suddenly found yourself relaxed and smiling. You took him out to a late lunch, realizing that he must be starving after his flight. As night rolled around, you both decided to stay in and cook dinner, watch a movie, and just spend time together.

After dinner, you made yourselves comfortable on the couch. You turned on a random movie, knowing full well that it wouldn’t be watched. You had him here with you and all you could think about was how you wanted his lips on you again. You knew you shouldn’t push it, you weren’t ready to move into anything physical yet, but the man was so attractive and good to you, you wanted to be as close to him as you could. Before the film had even begun, you were on him. He held your face in his hands as he worked his lips against yours gently. Both of you, parting your lips to allow the other access to deepen the kiss. Before long, you were both gasping and moaning into each others mouths the more heated the moment became.

You thought that maybe you should stop, but you wanted him very badly right now. You felt yourself growing excited as his tongue darted into your mouth, as he stopped occasionally to trace it along your lips. You were both pulling at each other, trying to bring the other closer even though there was no way you could get any closer, not fully clothed anyway.

You considered your options. You could continue to kiss him, allow it to stay just like this. Or, you could give in to how excited you were, how much you wanted to feel him. You still didn’t know if you were ready for the emotional part of sleeping with someone new, after all you had been with one man for the past few years. However, you mostly wanted to give into how turned on you were right now. It had been a long time since you had been with someone like this.

Knowing that he wasn’t going to make the move, no matter how excited he obviously was, you decided to handle the situation. You carefully pushed him back against the couch, surprising him as you broke the kiss. You moved closer to him, straddling him now as you delved back in for another kiss. He didn’t move at first, he only sat there, not sure what he should do. You swiped your tongue along his lip as you moved your hips against him. He groaned at the sensation and you gasped as you felt his hardness rub against you. Regardless of how nervous you felt right now, it still felt good to have that contact with him. You pulled away from his mouth, watching him as you moved again, pressing yourself against him even harder. Another groan escaped his mouth as he threw his head back against the couch. You liked this effect you had on him, so you worked your hips even faster, harder. He moved his hands to your hips, gripping you tightly as he pulled you against him with each movement you made. You were breathing heavy now, moaning each time you felt him against your core.

When you decided that the friction wasn’t enough for you, you stopped moving. You reached for his jeans, fumbling with his belt and the button. You suddenly wanted him. Maybe you just wanted to get off, but at least it would be with someone who was good to you. Before you could get too far, he was grasping your hands to move them away.

“I-I don’t understand,” you said, confused at why he was stopping you. Surely it had felt just as good for him as it had been for you. Why wouldn’t he want more?

“You don’t want this yet Y/N,” he replied, “you think you do, but you know you’re not ready.”

“Why does everyone else think that they know what I want?” you asked angrily. Your ego had been hurt. He had just turned you down, yet again.

“I know because you’re not even over your ex,” he answered, moving you off of his lap so you were sitting next to him again, “I already told you, I’m not going to let you do something that you regret.”

“You’re an idiot,” you said heatedly, “I was going to put out for you and you just shot me down.”

“Trust me, I don’t want to turn you down. But, I also don’t want you to hate me.”

“Maybe I’m the idiot,” you began, “I’m sorry. It’s just… it’s been so long since I’ve been with anyone. Even when I was still with Rob, we didn’t see each other long enough to even do anything.”

“Aw, honey,” he laughed, “you’re just frustrated.” He ran his hand across your face, smiling at you as you pouted.

“Well, I am now,” you replied. Your embarrassment was all but gone. He had a way of relieving any humiliation you might be feeling at any moment. “I keep making a fool of myself with you, and I honestly don’t know why you put up with me.”

“You’re not a fool,” he said softly, “come here,” he reached for you, pulling you to him so that you were on his lap again. This time, your back was to him and he led you back so that you were leaning against him. You turned your face to his curiously as his hands found your hips again.

“What are you doing?” you asked.

“I’m going to relieve your frustrations, if you’ll let me.”

You didn’t know what he meant, but you nodded anyway, interested to see what he was planning.

You felt him kiss your neck again, letting his tongue run along your skin. Your breath hitched at the sensation and you felt yourself grow antsy again.

“I don’t think this is helping anything,” you whined.

He shushed you as he moved a hand against your neck, caressing your skin as he continued to suck and nip at your neck. You gasped as he did so, still wondering what was going to happen. When he had you worked up again, he moved his other hand to the hem of your leggings, teasing the skin just underneath. You sucked in a breath when you realized what he was planning.

“Is this okay?” he asked.

“Yes, please.” You certainly didn’t want to beg for it, but you knew what he was going to do, and you wanted it… needed it.

He didn’t hesitate, he slipped his hand into your leggings almost as soon as you said yes. The next thing you knew, he had his hands on you, fingers rubbing against you slowly as you gasped.

“Oh, god,” you breathed out. You closed your eyes and rested your head against his chest as he continued to move his fingers against you. You could feel him still kissing your neck and it only added to the intensity of having him pleasure you. Eventually, he slipped a finger into you, eliciting a soft moan from you. You bit your lip, eyes still closed as began to rock your hips against his hand. He hummed into your ear as he nipped at your earlobe.

“Please,” you moaned, wanting more but not knowing how to ask for it right now. It didn’t matter, he knew what you wanted. You felt him slip another finger into you and you moaned louder, still moving against him.

“Fuck,” you cried out when you realized how close you were. You felt the heat pool in your abdomen the closer you came to your release, and you wanted nothing more than to cum already. “Please,” you begged again, turning your head to find his lips. He kissed you hard, still moving his fingers inside you, still rubbing against you as he built you up even more. “I’m so close,” you panted as you broke away from his lips. He picked up his pace, moving his fingers deeper and faster. You moaned again as you continued to grind against him. He groaned into your ear with each movement you made and you realized you were probably getting him off without meaning to.

Before you could brace yourself, he had finally sent you over the edge. You gasped, muttering a string of curse words as your body trembled when your release broke. You arched your back against him as he moaned against your neck, his hands still working you as you dissolved into pleasure.

When you finally came down from your high, still sitting on his lap, you turned to him again, grinning like an idiot.

“You said you’d behave,” He stated, kissing along your neck again.

“I lied,” you said, “although, I am concerned that you keep turning down sex.”

“Hmm, me too,” he said honestly, “but I like you too much. I can wait.”

“Honorable,” you breathed out, still trying to catch your breath.

* * *

The next morning, you woke up next to him; grinning as you recalled how he had made you feel last night. He was still asleep and you moved closer to him, nuzzling into his side just to feel what it would be like to be close to him again. When you had gone to bed last night, he made sure to sleep on his side of the bed, keeping you at a safe distance. You knew it must be hard for the man to keep turning you down every time you felt the need to initiate sex, but he had remained very insistent on abstaining.

You were thankful for that though. Each time you had tried something and he stopped you, you regretted it. You regretted it mostly because you knew you were still too hung up on Rob to even be considering putting yourself in that position. You knew that sleeping with someone else was not going to make you feel better. It wasn’t going to fix what was broken in you.

At least Adam knew this and continuously worked at reminding you. That’s not to say that you didn’t have needs. At least he was willing to take care of those needs without allowing it to get too intimate. Intimacy is not what you needed right now. For now, you just needed someone to help you remember how to smile.

When Adam finally woke as you snuggled next to him, he greeted you with a soft kiss.

“Hey you,” you grinned, leaning in to kiss him again.

“Good morning,” he said, voice cracked with sleep, “look at you, still gorgeous even first thing in the morning.”

“Sweet talker,” you giggled. You moved to get out of bed, searching through your dresser for clothes.

“What’s the plan for today?” He asked as he watched you from the bed.

“Well, you’re only here for a few days, let’s just hang out. Let’s go out and do things. I’ve been going crazy sitting here every day.”

“Sure,” he laughed, “breakfast and coffee first. Then I’m all yours.”

* * *

You had spent the next few days with Adam; going out to eat, seeing movies, taking in different sights around the city that he had never had the chance to see before. You continued to have great conversation and had really gotten to know a lot about each other.

When the day arrived for him to catch his flight back to Ireland, you felt yourself missing him already. He was packing his bags while you watched from the bed, pouting now that he had to leave.

“So, what happens now?” You asked as he focused on packing.

He shrugged, “We go back to calling each other, maybe see each other if I get booked for a convention.”

“Yeah, but we were going to try the whole phone thing before,” you reminded him, “and you never called.”

“I did call.”

“You called when you got to the airport, but I didn’t even hear from you for days. Even though you said you’d call…” you trailed off, realizing how disgustingly needy you sounded. You didn’t want to be this way, but something in you was panicking. You had already been left by the man that you loved, the last thing you needed was to be ignored by the man that you were starting to like.

“Y/N,” Adam began, stopping what he was doing so that he could focus on you, “I’m sorry I didn’t call. I’m going to try to do better. But, I really just don’t want to push this too far.”

“What? Why?”

“Come on,” he half-smiled at you, “you’re still so hung up on Rob, I thought you’d for sure send me away when I showed up here.”

“Why would you think that? And, I’m not hung up on him anymore. I’m over him.”

Adam looked at you, obviously not believing your words. “No, you’re not. You’re still sad and you still think about him. I’m not an idiot.”

“I’m sorry,” you replied, knowing that you couldn’t really argue. He was right, most of your stupid decisions had been because of Rob; the meltdown at the bar, the moment at the hotel when Rob had upset you and you basically threw yourself at Adam, even last night had a lot to do with how much you missed Rob. In the end, it was all you just trying to force yourself to forget about him.

“Don’t be sorry. You loved him, you still love him; I get it. It doesn’t mean I’m giving up on you, because I really do think we have something here. We just- need to take it slow, for your sake.”

“Why are you so willing to be with someone who isn’t even over their ex yet?”

“Because I waited for a long time to have a chance with you. When he fucked up, I knew I had to try really hard to have my chance. Even if that meant waiting for you to move on.”

“I really do like you.” You were trying to ease his mind. There was no need to try to convince him that Rob was the last thing on your mind, Adam knew you well enough to know when you were lying.

“I know, and I like you too. So, let’s just… take it slow.”

“You should still call me,” you blurted out, still hurt over the lack of communication.

“Okay,” he laughed, “I will, I promise.”

When he had his bags packed, he moved in to kiss you again before walking out the door.

There you were again, alone. It had become all too familiar really. You had become used to watching men that you cared about walk out the door, not knowing if you would see them again. You wanted to believe that Adam would do what he could to keep seeing you, wanted to believe that he was still interested. Now, all you could think about was Rob. The thought of him made your heart ache again, even if you were thinking about how much you hated him for doing this to you. He had turned you into a nervous wreck, making you wonder if Adam was going to be just as absent from your life as he had been. Despite how much you hated him in this moment, you realized that you still missed him terribly. Sure, you truly did like Adam, but you were not over Rob. No matter how much you tried to force yourself to get over him, it never seemed to work. No matter how much you hated him, you still loved him.

Now, the one thing that you felt that you needed in order to keep working at forgetting Rob was gone again. You wondered when he would call, if he would call. You wondered if you were going to stay in this limbo of being interested in someone new, but still thinking of your ex. This was especially difficult knowing that you had a convention in a week, which only meant you would be around Rob again. You decided that for now, you were only going to continue to think of Rob since Adam wouldn’t be at the convention. It was inevitable. After all, the only times you had forgotten that Rob existed was when you were with Adam. This time, you knew you had no one to save you from yourself. You really didn’t think you had it in you to even try anymore.


	14. You can’t have it all, but you take it anyway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader is at her wits end. Both of the men in her life are behaving strangely. Fans are starting to ask the questions that she only hoped she could avoid. Just when she thinks convention weekends couldn’t get any more awkward, she is proven wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am fully aware that “Dearly Departed” is Rob and Emily’s song at SNS, and I love it so much that I love the idea of Rob and Reader singing it. It just seems like such an “ex lover” kind of song.

At least Adam had kept his promise. Throughout the following weeks; he did call and he called often. You never ran out of things to talk about, and you looked forward to hearing his voice each day. You realized quickly that you were almost becoming dependent on him. When he didn’t call, you pouted; when he did call, you stopped what you were doing so that you could talk to him. You knew it was turning into the same thing that you had just gone through with Rob. You didn’t want to fall back into the same life, waiting around for a guy and giving up what you were doing just so you could talk to him.

You couldn’t help yourself though. Even though you were fully aware of how desperate and pathetic you seemed, you continued to behave this way. You had been so used to doing these things, you sort of felt that to keep Adam’s interest, you had to do the same for him.

When the next convention had rolled around, you were happy to hear that Adam had indeed been scheduled last minute to appear, filling in for Osric who had to back out at the last minute. It had been a couple of weeks since Adam had surprised you and showed up in L.A. and you were honestly happy to see him again. 

This time, you didn’t try to hide the fact that you were into him. Not from your friends and not from Rob. You had finally felt secure enough in this developing relationship that you didn’t care if anyone saw you kiss him now.

Luckily, he had seemed just as happy to see you upon arriving at the convention. You met him in the green room as you waited for the events of the first day to begin. The moment he walked through that door, you approached him; wanting to throw your arms around him and feel his lips on yours again. You chose your actions carefully though, not wanting to push too far since he seemed so set on taking it slow.

So, you greeted him shyly as he walked in, hesitating for a moment to see what he expected you to do next. He pulled you in almost immediately, resting his face in the crook of your neck, giving you soft kisses as he whispered against your skin how much he missed you. You grinned, pleased that you were now allowed to be affectionate with him even more publicly than usual. When he pulled back, he kissed you on the mouth and you hummed against him in appreciation. You hadn’t smiled like this in a while. He always made you smile.

You decided against looking around the room to see who had seen your public display of affection; no longer caring what others thought of you and Adam. Instead, you took his hand and led him into the room where everyone else greeted him.

While you didn’t want to pay attention to the reactions of your friends to this new development, you couldn’t help but glance at Rob occasionally, who was sitting with some of the band as they quietly strummed guitars and talked among themselves. It was stupid really. You didn’t think you wanted him to notice, because you really didn’t think he’d care. However, a part of you wanted him to see. You wanted him to show a little jealousy for some reason. You quickly shook the thoughts from your head, reminding yourself that he had left you which only meant that he really didn’t care.

Since you and Adam had some time before your separate panels, you decided against having lunch in the greenroom. Well, mostly Adam had decided. He asked you to lunch, somewhere away from the con. You agreed, a little disappointed that he didn’t even want to spend time with your friends. You figured he just wanted time alone with you, and who could say no to that?

You agreed on a restaurant, sitting down together to get a quick bite since you were on limited time. It was rather uncommon to even leave the convention areas during the day since everything was always moving so quickly and you were constantly in one room and then whisked off to another.

“I’m glad they added you to this one, I was beginning to think I’d never see you again,” you said after your orders had been placed.

“Me too. I’m also glad that we had the afternoon open and we could spend some time together.”

“Yeah, but we’ll be eating fast just so we can get back in time. Why you decided to go out rather than just have lunch there, I don’t understand,” you chuckled.

“I’m sorry,” he replied, looking hurt, “I just, don’t enjoy spending time with you while your ex boyfriend is sitting there.”

“It’s not a big deal,” you said, a bit thrown off by his words. He had never expressed a problem with Rob being around. “He mostly ignores me nowadays.”

“Hardly,” he scoffed, “He was staring at us the second I walked in today.”

“No he wasn’t,” you argued. You had checked a few times actually, in no way had Rob even acknowledged you or Adam at any point.

“Right, I meant, I don’t like to sit around and watch you stare at him.”

You swallowed hard, face growing hot as you listened to him. You were a bit upset now, surprised that he was talking to you this way.

“What are you talking about?” you asked, annoyed now that Adam appeared to be in a really bad mood.

“I mean, I know I said I was willing to wait for you,” he began, “and I am. But, it’s not easy when I am crazy about you, but all you can do is worry about what he is doing or thinking.”

“I don’t do that,” you snapped, “I literally went to you the second you walked in. I kissed you in front of everyone.”

“I know,” he said shaking his head, “I’m sorry, I’m being an idiot. I’m tired and for some reason, being in the same room as him really gets to me.”

“It doesn’t have to,” you replied, “don’t let it get to you. I mean, I have to work with him too you know. It’s not easy for me.”

“See, that’s what I mean.”

“What?!”

“It’s not easy for you because you’re still in love with him.”

“Adam, can we not do this here?” you asked softly. You could feel yourself starting to cry. You had never had Adam talk to you this way, bring these things up, especially not like this. He seemed irritated and on edge.

“Don’t cry,” he said, reaching across the table now to take your hand, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you sad.”

“What is this all about?” you asked, now trying to hold back tears. “Where is this coming from?”

“It’s nothing, I told you I’m just tired. I shouldn’t have said that. It’s just very difficult to be with my girl when her ex is in the same room. I think I just get a little jealous.”

“You have nothing to be jealous about,” you promised him, “Rob and I are over. He doesn’t even look at me anymore.”

“And you?”

You sucked in a breath, knowing damn well that he was right in a way. You of course still missed Rob, still loved him, but you were trying very hard to get past that.

“I like you Adam,” you replied, “I promise you that I am crazy about you. I just have to work with Rob. Unfortunately, that makes it a little difficult to forget about him, to forget what he did.”

“I know, you’re right. I’m just overreacting.”

“Can we please just not fight about this?” You asked. “This is stupid. We should be enjoying each other’s company right now, not arguing over something that doesn’t even matter.”

“Of course, you’re completely right.”

“You have nothing to worry about. Please, just know that.”

* * *

After the strange events during lunch, you and Adam returned to the convention. Neither of you spoke the whole way back and you continued not speaking as you made your way back to the green room. The only reason you weren’t in a complete panic over his behavior was that he held your hand all the way back.

By the time you were back, you had made it just in time for your panel. You said goodbye to Adam and made your way to the stage as Rich, Rob and the band were playing your song to introduce you. You bounded on stage, forcing a smile as you were still slightly concerned over what had happened at lunch. You shared some banter with the guys before they left you to it and you delved right into questions.

For some reason, this particular convention was already not going in your favor. The near fight with Adam was your first sign, the next sign came at you full force as you stood on stage, suddenly thrown in your face by the questions that fans decided they had. At least these questions didn’t come until right near the end of your panel.

“Can you tell us about your relationship with Adam?”

It shouldn’t have caught you off guard, but it did. You had never thought of how you should answer this question if it ever came up.

“Um, well, Adam is a good friend of mine. I’ve known him since he was on the show. He’s nice and a very talented actor.” You knew that it was a stupid answer. People knew about the two of you, they just did. Why you were suddenly trying to be so quiet about it was beyond you. You figured since you and Adam had never officially established what you were, it wasn’t your place to give too much info.

You moved on to the next question quickly.

“Will you ever perform at SNS again? You’ve missed a lot of shows from the last conventions, and I was wondering why you stopped doing them and if you’ll ever do them again.”

“Oh, y-yeah,” you stuttered, “I had to cancel a few conventions for personal reasons, and not being at the concerts those other times was just beyond my control…” you could feel yourself growing nervous now. You couldn’t tell the fans that you decided to stop doing the concert because you couldn’t stand to be around Rob. It was important to at least make them think the two of you were friendly. In fact, you had no plans to take part in SNS ever again if it meant being on stage with Rob. But, right now, with a fan asking you about it, insisting that you explain yourself, you felt that you had no choice but to ease her mind. “I will be singing this weekend though, it’s been a long time and I’m excited to be able to do it again.”

That was a lie. You were never planning to sing this weekend. The band and Rob were aware that you were done with that. Hopefully, you could convince them to squeeze you into the lineup last minute so that you wouldn’t disappoint any more people.

You thanked her and turned to the other side of the stage for the next question.

“Hi Y/N, we know that there was talk about you being in Kings of Con for season 2, but now that you and Rob are split, does that affect you being on the show?”

Your heart sank at that one. You hadn’t thought of it really. There had always been a plan for you to be on the show, there was a script with you written into it, it just needed to find a home so that it could be filmed.

“You know? I don’t really know. I would still love to do the show, because I think it’s so great, but I suppose that’s up to the guys at this point. I’m not opposed to doing it though.”

More questions about your personal life followed. For some reason, you indulged them somewhat. You became increasingly uncomfortable at the questions and mostly wanted them to stop. Before you could say anything else to the audience, Rob and the other guys entered the stage, indicating that your panel was over now. You would only have to get through the last question. You hoped it was something relevant at this point. Rich pointed to a girl waiting in line, letting her know that she was the last question.

“This is for Y/N and Rob, Is it hard to work together at conventions now? And, since there’s talk about your characters coming back to the show next season, is that something you’ll be able to even do?”

That had done it for you. It wasn’t necessarily a bad question. You knew that the fans had been supportive of you and Rob from the beginning. When Rob had left, social media had sort of been filled with mention of the split. No one was really rude about any of it, mostly sad and disappointed. Regardless, you were pretty tired of the questions, but mostly with the insistence on being involved in your personal life.

“You know, it would be great if we could move the focus away from my failed relationship and whether or not I’m seen with someone else,” you began. You were irritated now. You weren’t one to ever be rude to fans, no matter how absurd the questions or comments. Maybe it had been the combination of how Adam had spoken to you at lunch and the fact that no matter what you did, you couldn’t escape being around Rob. Whatever it was, you had snapped. “I mean, I didn’t realize that’s what we were here for. I didn’t realize that my life is here for your entertainment.”

The audience had grown silent, probably just as shocked by your words as you were yourself. Rich immediately moved in, grabbing your arm and walking you off stage. You let him, knowing that you had just fucked up. It would have been easy to politely decline to answer the question, or make up some lame answer. Instead, you had spoken very rudely about the fact that people couldn’t mind their own damn business. You heard Rob make up some excuse as you were led from the stage, encouraging the audience to applaud you and reminding them to choose their questions wisely.

Once offstage and microphone free, Rich silently checked on you. You shooed him away, knowing that he had to be back on stage. You left, heading back to the green room in defeat. Maybe it hadn’t been as bad as you thought. You barely got a couple of sentences out when you started your rant. You knew you’d hear all about it. It would be all over the internet, you were sure the guys would have something to say when they were done on stage.

Now, you were really considering backing out of the con circuit altogether. If this was going to be your life… people just wanting to know about your breakup and maybe about whatever new guy you were seen with, then what was even the point anymore?

* * *

Interestingly enough, no one said anything about your near meltdown on stage. Mostly, you assumed that your friends were just sympathetic. Briana had asked if you were okay when she heard about the fiasco, and you assured her that you were.

“It’s not fair to have to deal with questions like that,” she said, “I understand why you couldn’t play nice anymore.”

“I can’t let this be my life Briana,” you replied, “there’s more to me than just being Rob’s other half. I get that people are upset about it, but it wasn’t my choice.”

“I know honey,” she said as she rubbed your back softly, trying to comfort you.

“And don’t think I haven’t seen some of the horrible things people are saying about Adam. It’s not fair, none of this is my fault or his.”

“They’re just used to seeing you and Rob together,” Briana said, “give it time, they’ll stop asking about Adam and eventually accept that you and Rob are no longer together.”

“I hope so, because I can’t keep doing this.”

* * *

“I guess we’d better pick a song for you to do.”

You heard the voice before you even knew someone had snuck up behind you. You turned quickly, now face to face with a very displeased Rob.

“I’m sorry,” you said, “I know the set list is ready to go and it’s a pain to add me in, but I’ve let them all down so much already.”

“I know. We just assumed we wouldn’t be saving a place for you anymore.”

“I really appreciate you doing this,” you said honestly. You were nervous. This was the first time you were talking to Rob in what had been weeks. You had done well ignoring him, and it seemed as if he were trying just as hard.

“We don’t have a lot of time to rehearse, so let’s do one we’re familiar with,” he said as he sat in the chair across from you. He avoided your stare, thinking. “I mean, we could do ‘Long Train Runnin’ again. It’s always a good go to.”

“I don’t want to do that one,” you replied, “Jason isn’t here and I like to do that one with him.”

Rob eyed you, looking annoyed now. “What about ‘Go Your Own Way’? You always kill it with a Fleetwood Mac song.” he offered.

You shook your head, “I can’t do that one with you…:”

“You’re pretty damn picky for someone who has no time to rehearse and just kinda pushed her way into the lineup,” he said coldly.

“You didn’t have to let me,” you replied.

“What do you want to do?”

“‘Dearly Departed’.” you said softly.

“Really?” He asked, raising a brow at you.

“It’s been awhile since we’ve done it. Everyone loves that one.”

“Fine,” he said. He stood up, ready to leave now that you had finally decided. “Can we at least rehearse once before tomorrow night? Or are you too busy with what’s his face?”

“Stop it,” you warned, “why do you have to treat him like that?” You were unsure why he was acting this way. It was one thing to treat you shitty, apparently you had done something to deserve that; but he was out of line to treat Adam this way. He was talking about Adam as if he were mad at him. You just couldn’t understand why. Rob had left you. Did he not realize that eventually you would find someone else? You couldn’t help but think that he was acting like a jealous ex-boyfriend; only why would he be jealous? Rob ignored your question, rolling his eyes as he informed you that you were expected to actually rehearse this time.

“Be here at 8:00 am tomorrow. We’ll try to get the song rehearsed at least once. Hopefully you don’t mess up the whole concert with this.”

Rob stormed off and you were left wondering what the hell you had done. You knew you had treated him like crap the last time you had seen him, but did he really not expect it? All you were trying to do was move on from him, the way that he wanted you to. For some reason, you couldn’t escape him treating you poorly. The combination of the strange lunch with Adam, the mess on stage earlier, and Rob’s biting words just now were too much for you. You started to cry. Luckily, you were in the green room alone and even Adam was on stage right now, so you picked yourself up and headed back to your room. The last thing you wanted was for anyone to see how defeated and confused you were at this moment.


	15. Every smile it hurts me just the same, ‘cause I’m sad for all the lost songs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader has to perform with Rob for the first time in a long time. She thinks she can handle it just fine; but Adam can read her better than she thought.

You kept your head down for the rest of Friday. You had managed to make yourself look like a jerk during your panel and all you wanted to do was avoid Rob after his treatment of you. Adam had been a different story. While you weren’t pleased with him after lunch; you were still grateful when he sought you out after you left in tears when Rob had basically called you a screw up who was ruining everything. He found you in your room and took some time to comfort you without really knowing why you were so upset. He probably assumed your mood was a result of his behavior, and you certainly didn’t want to explain what had happened with Rob, especially after you knew that he was holding on to some jealousy for whatever reason.

By Saturday morning, you had felt a little better. That was until you got down to the convention area at 8 am sharp just as Rob had demanded so you could rehearse. It didn’t matter that you had shown up right on time, or that you had brought coffee for the band as a peace offering; Rob still immediately seemed in a bad mood the second you walked in.

“Let’s get this over with,” Rob said as you took your place at the mic. He picked up his acoustic, tuning it quickly with that same scowl on his face that he had given you yesterday. You were pretty irritated that he was still being a jerk, but you thought better about calling him out on it. After all, he had fit you into the set when he really didn’t have to.

When it came to you and Rob, rehearsal was usually a joke. As long as you were doing a song that you had done before, it was almost unnecessary to even rehearse. You always did work well together. Your voices blended seamlessly; which was a big reason the fans loved when the two of you sang together. You also read each other well. You knew what he was going to do and he always knew what you would do. It was strange to be here now, after everything, and find that this was still true. Rob played through the song; each of you taking your turns with the lyrics. As usual, it sounded amazing and you couldn’t help but feel a little pained by it. When the song had ended, you smiled at him; pleased that you still sounded so great together, also hoping that he would feel a little less unprepared now that everyone could see that you still had it.

“Maybe we need to go back and try the second verse,” Rob said, still frowning, “you were really off-key.”

You looked at him, confused. “No, I wasn’t.”

“Yeah, you really were. You can do better than that if you actually try.”

“I’m sorry,” you replied, giving him a displeased look, “but I was not off-key. That was perfect.”

“She wasn’t off-key,” Mike said, coming to your defense.

“I’m standing right next to her,” Rob argued, “trust me, it sounded terrible.”

“What the hell is your problem?” You asked.

Rob faced you, eyes studying you as he thought about what he should say.

“My problem is that you just messed up the entire set list, and can’t even take rehearsal seriously.”

“I am taking it seriously. We sounded great. And, adding in a 3 minute song is not that big of a deal.”

“Rob, really,” Billy cut in, “you two sounded perfect, like you always do. This isn’t going to mess anything up. The fans are going to be happy to have her back.”

“Whatever,” Rob mumbled, “fine, we’re done here. You can go back to your boyfriend.”

You left, even more confused by Rob’s exceedingly off the wall behavior towards to. Even when he had left you, he never spoke to you this way, never treated you so badly. In pure Rob fashion, he had tried to make the breakup as easy on you as possible. He continued to check in on you, even when you didn’t want him to. In fact, he had been the nicest jerk you had ever known during that time. Mostly, you had to beg him to leave you alone, to stop trying to stay involved.

Now, you had no idea what was going on. He had been the one who had wanted to remain friends. Although you had shot that idea down quickly; you were still trying to play nice, aware of the fact that he had just done you a huge favor. What had changed so suddenly… you didn’t know. That nagging thought in your mind that he might be jealous of Adam remained, even if it made no sense at all.

* * *

“So, now you’re singing with him tonight?” Adam asked. You were both lying in bed in your hotel room, relaxing after a busy day. You only had a few hours before you had to be back for SNS and all you wanted to do was have a quiet moment with him.

“We always sing together,” you reminded him, “well, we used to… the fans want us to do it, so I’m doing it. I’ve let them down enough as it it.”

“I just… thought you were past all of that.”

“Singing?” you asked, “I love to sing. And I Iove being a part of the concert.”

“No, I meant him. I thought you said you were done with him.”

“I am. But I can still work with him. I sort of have to.”

“Am I reading too much into this?” He asked finally.

“Yeah, I think you are. It’s nothing to worry about. It’s one song.”

Adam hung his head, almost as if he felt guilty for even showing his jealousy.

“You’re right,” he replied, “we’ve been doing so well, and I know that you’ve been avoiding him. I’m sorry to even imply that it’s anything that it isn’t. You don’t deserve that from me.”

“Hey, I know that we’re taking this slow, but you have to know how into you I am. You’re so good to me and I appreciate you so much. I’m sorry that he has to remain a part of my work life, but this is my life,” you said, referring to the convention circuit in general. You moved closer to him, nuzzling against his side as you let your hand run across his chest.

“I know it is. I’m just- I’m being jealous, and I don’t want to be. No one has ever made me feel this way and I don’t want to lose you.”

“You have nothing to worry about,” you promised again, “it’s one song and then I can go back to avoiding him. I can go back to just being with you.”

* * *

**SNS**

When it was your turn to join the band on stage, Adam kissed you good luck before he headed out to watch you from the seats. You felt a little nervous that he would be out there, worried that you’d mess up in front of him.

“Y/N is going to join me,” you heard Rob explain, which mean this was your cue to go up on stage. You bounded up, smiling as you took your spot next to Rob at your mic. “We’re gonna do one we haven’t done in a while. This is called ‘Dearly Departed’.”

Rob led the both of you in, followed by the band. You sang together, for the first time in a very long time; voices harmonizing as well as they always had. Rob had no reason to think that you sounded terrible, even if he had, he wouldn’t call you out on it. You could feel him looking over at you as you tried to avoid eye contact and you honestly felt really good in that moment. It was almost as if nothing had changed between you. You sounded amazing and you actually felt comfortable there with him.

Near the end of the song, you finally eased up. You glanced over at Rob as you sang, even smiling at him as you both worked through the song. You had meant to keep your distance, establish boundaries; after all, the man had treated you like complete crap for the past two days. But as the song neared the end; you couldn’t help but treat this performance the same way you had always done it in the past.

Just before the final verse, you left your mic, moving beside Rob to share his for the final part of the song. You had always done it this way, and it was comforting to still be able to do it. You assumed Rob wouldn’t be too happy with this but he didn’t give you any cue to show that it bothered him. Although he seemed surprised by your movement, he kept playing, allowing you to join him so that you could finish the song as you had always done.

You probably should’ve avoided this completely. You wanted to keep your distance from him, but the movement just came naturally. You didn’t want to give him another reason to treat you terribly; you also didn’t want to give Adam a reason to question your intentions any more. All of that went out the window as you acted without really thinking.

Almost as soon as you got beside him, your eyes locked with his. You considered turning away, knowing that he hated you and probably didn’t even want you near him; but he held your gaze, those blue eyes staring into you as you both built up to the finale. He didn’t seem angry with you anymore; in fact, this felt how any other performance in the past would have gone between you. A part of you was singing to Rob, focusing on him directly as you sang the lyrics that you realized held a new meaning to you after what he had done. You brushed it off as your way of letting him know that you were completely done with him, hoping he would understand that he no longer affected you the way that he had in the past. You thought this would be your parting note with him. You were filled with sadness as you performed with him; and somewhere deep down, you knew you were still holding on to something else. It seemed that no matter what he did to you, how he treated you; you still cared for him deeply.

When the two of you finished the song, the audience applauded you and you could feel the adrenaline rush through you. The final moments of the song had become intense, you and Rob singing as if you were aiming the words at each other. You waved to the audience, making your exit as you tried not to break down again.

You waited backstage, trying to compose yourself as the band continued on to the next song. Before you had a chance to breathe, Adam had found you.

“Well, that was pretty intense,” he muttered as he stopped a few feet from you.

“Thank you,” you replied.

“That wasn’t really a compliment.” You stared at him, wondering what he meant. “Y/N, what is going on here?”

“What are you talking about?” you said softly, hurt by the way he was now looking at you.

“It’s just- you tell me that I have nothing to worry about when it comes to the two of you. Then I watch you on stage with him and… I have to say, I’m a little worried.”

“I know,” you replied, fully understanding what he was getting at.

“I mean, what was that? Were you just so into the song that you weren’t thinking? Because I’d almost believe that you’re still in love with him given how you were looking at him.”

You considered how to answer him. You could easily tell him that he had misread the situation. You also knew that would be a lie. You could tell him the truth; even though you didn’t want to do that at all. You didn’t want to hurt him, and you didn’t want to admit it to yourself. But, you knew that lying to him wasn’t going to help anything, especially your feelings.

“I still love him,” you answered truthfully. You began to cry again, wondering if you would ever get to the point where you could go a few days without crying. “Of course I still love him, and I’m sorry. But you also have to know that I care about you. I don’t want to ruin things between us, but I know that I’m hurting you.”

The performance had not been your final parting note to signify the end of your relationship. When you were up there, singing to him as he sang to you; you knew that it was something else. You had hoped that your small moment of almost pleading with Rob to fix this would not have been noticeable to anyone else but him; but you had been wrong. Adam had read you like a book. And now he was standing in front of you demanding an explanation.

Reminding yourself that Rob had been the one to leave you, for whatever reason; you could plead with him all you wanted, it didn’t matter. So all you could do now was try to salvage what was left of your relationship with Adam.

“I don’t deserve you,” you choked out, “you are too good to me and too patient. I feel like I’ve done nothing but let you down.”

“How can you still love someone who hurts you?” It was a legitimate question. It really didn’t make any sense. You had been so hurt by him, you were still so angry with him; how was it possible to still feel this way? Especially when you had someone like Adam in your life.

“I can’t help the way I feel,” you replied. “I still have feelings for him, but I am still so angry with him. I still can’t stand him. You have to believe me when I tell you that I have feelings for you too. And, they’re very different feelings. I like you and there’s no conflict with how I feel about you. With him, it’s nothing but conflict.”

You hoped that you made sense; in your mind, it all made perfect sense. You adored Adam and how he was with you; caring, gentle, kind, and patient. You could see yourself falling in love with him someday. But, Rob had been a constant in your life for years. Your relationship had always been full of fire and love; even when you couldn’t agree on things. You didn’t understand it yourself; but he wasn’t something that was easy to let go of just yet.

“Y/N, I do understand,” he replied. You breathed a sigh of relief just hearing him say it. “I understand but I don’t know if I can keep giving you the time that I promised. I am so crazy about you, and I never want to push you into anything, make you feel like I am rushing you… but I just don’t know if I can keep going like this, especially when we all have to work together.”

“Are you leaving me?” You sputtered, your tears flowing a little more freely now. “You’re leaving me too… because I really am a fuck up.”

“I’m not leaving you,” Adam replied. “But, I think that we have decisions that we need to make if we’re really going to keep doing this. You have some choices that you need to make.”

“You’re giving me an ultimatum?” You asked, knowing full well that this was exactly what he was doing.

He shrugged, moving closer and wrapping you into an embrace.

“We’ll talk later. Right now, I think you need some time to think and I know I need time to think.”

You pressed your head against his chest, nodding against him to let him know that you understood. You felt him place a kiss to the top of your head before he pulled back from you, offering you a small smile before turning to walk away.

You watched him as he left; knowing that you were at least getting a chance with him still. You really did like him. You were also still conflicted in your feelings toward Rob. You knew that Adam would eventually give you a choice, and you only hoped that you could make the right one when the time came.


	16. If you lead then I will follow, if you think you know the way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam offers the reader an ultimatum. It might not seem fair, but maybe it’s worth it.

Adam had made it sound like he was going to give you an ultimatum, and the idea of it scared you. You had never been a part of a relationship where something like this was ever brought up; then again, you had never been in a situation like this before. You knew that this wasn’t fair to him. He was nothing but good to you and he had been extremely patient with you. There was no way you could expect him to continue to be accepting of your feelings for Rob. You had hoped that he understood that just because you felt conflicted over your ex, it didn’t mean that you questioned where things could go with him. You were well aware that you had probably rushed into things with Adam, maybe you hadn’t been quite ready to put yourself out there yet. But, you had fallen for the man in a way. Unfortunately, you hadn’t allowed yourself to completely move on from how you felt about Rob. Now, you were in a position where you still had feelings for your ex; no matter how horribly he treated you, and you also were developing strong feelings for Adam. It should have been a no brainer. You knew deep down what actually made sense. You just couldn’t convince yourself of what was right. 

The ultimatum that you were expecting didn’t come though. You thought that Adam would let you know what was going on in his mind that Sunday of the convention. Instead, he seemed to be avoiding you. He didn’t come by your room after the concert on Saturday as he usually did and almost all day Sunday; he appeared to be purposely staying away from you.

All you could do Sunday was sulk about, feeling guilty for how you had been treating him. Rob on the other hand had appeared to lighten up a bit. He was no longer completely avoiding you now. When you happened to be in the same space as him, you’d catch him glancing over at you; this time not shooting you dirty looks or going out of his way to say something rude. Each time you caught him staring, you were sure he had that look as if he wanted to come up to you and say something. He’d offer you small smiles occasionally and would sometimes seem as if he were going to walk over to you. Each time it seemed as if he were going to move in and make small talk, you could only turn and leave. You wanted to avoid causing any more trouble with Adam. Besides, you couldn’t imagine that Rob would have anything to say to you that was worth hearing. You felt so down all weekend; thrown off by Adam’s behavior, your own behavior, and Rob’s treatment of you. Sure, for some reason, you had shared in a weird little moment with Rob on stage; but you knew that it didn’t matter. Not only had he made it clear that he was no longer a part of your life, he had made it very clear that he hated you. You decided it was best not to worry about why he hated you. All you knew was that thinking of him and his reasons was only going to push Adam further away.

That was how your Sunday went. Working to avoid Rob and hoping that Adam would decide to give you the time of day. You got through more ops and another panel; moving through the day in a haze. Your mind was not where it should be and all you could think of by the end of the day is what Adam might be thinking.

By that evening, as the day came to an end, and you and a few of the others sat about the green room relaxing, Adam finally sought you out. Luckily, he was very affectionate when he did find you; pulling you in for a hug and placing kisses to the top of your head. It had been the first time since yesterday that he had paid you any attention, and it definitely surprised you. You wanted to show him how upset you were with him; him ignoring you all day like that, but just being in his arms again relaxed you and you realized that he might not be as angry with you as you had thought.

“You’re done being mad at me?” You asked as you kept your arms wrapped tightly around him. You breathed in his scent, thankful that he was still here.

“I wasn’t mad at you,” he replied, “I just needed some space, some time to think.”

“You’ve been thinking all day.”

“I had a lot to think about.”

“What’s going on Adam?” You asked, pulling back from him to look him in the eyes. “What are we doing?”

“Let’s go somewhere and talk,” he said. You nodded, understanding that this discussion was going to come eventually. He took your hand, leading you from the green room. You both walked in silence all the way back to his hotel room. Once inside, he pulled you in again; this time kissing you hard and unexpectedly. You felt his hands grasp against your back, almost as if he were afraid to let you go. You kissed him back, relieved that he was at least still showing interest in you. It had been your biggest fear really; the possibility of pushing him away, making him feel as if you weren’t interested.

A part of you considered trying to push things further as he kissed you. He had been questioning you a lot lately, and you wondered if showing him just how much you liked him would ease his mind. You thought better of it when you remembered all the other times that he had stopped you from getting too intimate.

When you both finally came back for air, you had to know what he was thinking. You wanted to know what he had meant when he said there were decisions to make.

“It’s driving me crazy, not knowing what you’re thinking,” you said, eyes pleading with him.

“Okay,” he replied. He turned from you, running a hand through his hair as he let out a heavy sigh. “I have been thinking about this a lot… and I’ve decided that I have been very patient with you. I feel like I’ve given you all the time you needed to move on from him. I’ve done what I can to make you happy, to make you realize that I can be good to you. But, you’re still not over him.  
“I am though-”

“I love you Y/N, I do. But I know that you’re not out of love with him.”

You sucked in a breath as he said the words, those dreaded words that you really didn’t think either of you were ready to say. You thought carefully about what to say next, knowing that the wrong words could push him even further away.

“I like you so much Adam. But, I can’t tell you that I love you, not yet.”

“I don’t expect you to. I didn’t think I’d say those words, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I am in love with you. Which is why I’ve decided that I can’t keep waiting for you. I can’t keep waiting to see if you’ll move on and let me be the one for you.”

It hurt a lot more than you had expected. You watched him, the pained look on his face as he spilled his feelings to you, unsure of whether you even felt the same way for him.

“What do you want from me?” You asked. You weren’t sure where he was going with this. He had just told you that he loved you, but what did he mean by not being willing to wait for you.

“I want you to choose,” he said plainly, his eyes staring into yours, almost pleading.

“That’s ridiculous,” you replied, irritated that this was even a conversation now. “There’s nothing to chose from. It’s been you ever since we went out the first time. There is no other option.”

“Rob isn’t an option?”

“No, he left me. I swear everyone thinks it’s the other way around based on how you treat me. Why do you think that there’s even a competition here?”

“Because he still gets to have you look at him like he’s your whole world, Y/N.”

“I told you, I can’t help that I still care for him. But, there’s nothing there. There’s no chance that anything will ever be there again. I like you and I knew you would be the one to help me move on from what he did. You have. I want to be with you, but you can’t tell me that I have to stop feeling the way that I do when I look at him.”

“How do you feel when you look at him?”

“I feel like my fucking heart is breaking all over again. Every time I look at him. I think about how we used to be, and it still hurts. He treats me like shit and it still hurts. If you can’t accept that me being around him still hurts, if you expect me to just magically stop hurting when I see him, then what the fuck are we even doing? You’re supposed to be what is fixing me.”

“If that’s the case, then maybe you need to distance yourself from him.”

“What do you mean?”

Adam reached into his back pocket, removing some papers that he only held out to you. You took them curiously, not sure what to expect. You unfolded them, glancing through everything, unsure of what to make of it.

“What is this?”

“It’s a plane ticket,” he explained.

“I see that,” you said, “but why?”

“Look, I’m going back to Ireland tomorrow. This is a plane ticket to Ireland, for you.”

“You want me to go with you?”

“Not exactly,” he said, “I’m giving you more time, even though I wasn’t sure if I could again. This flight leaves on Thursday.”

“You want me to fly to Ireland on a con weekend?”

“That’s when it is.”

“You want me to cancel another convention, so I can prove myself to you?”

“That’s not what I’m saying at all, I just think it would be good for us if you kept yourself away from him. Since you work together, it would mean backing out of some of those work commitments.”

“I know that this has been really hard on us, but that’s asking a lot. I’ve let so many people down; I’ve backed out of so many conventions. Eventually, they’re going to stop asking me to come.”

“Is that really so bad?”

Your heart sank. The fact that he was asking you to drop everything and go to him was a lot to take in; the audacity that he was asking you to give up work that you really enjoyed doing was even worse.

“I don’t even know what to say to you right now,” you muttered.

“You don’t have to decide yet. That’s why I gave you some time.”

“You gave me four days to decide. What are you doing? What is this?”

“I’ll be home this week. I’ll show up at the airport when your flight arrives. If I get to see you walk off that flight, nothing would make me happier. If I don’t see you… well, then I guess that I’ll still have your answer.”

“My answer to what?”

“The answer to the question of whether or not you are ready to move on from him, give him up. Because I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep feeling like I am being strung along and only your second choice.”

“Why do you keep thinking that?! You’re not my second choice. I want to be with you!”

“Then I suppose that you have some things to think about. You can’t move on if he’s still in your life. You just can’t.”

“So this is my ultimatum?” you asked quietly, “give up part of my life so that I can be with you, or lose you because I want to continue doing my job.?”

“If that‘s how you want to look at it-”

“But that’s exactly what it is!” You shouted, tears streaming down your face.

“I’m not trying to push you into anything, really. But those are my terms. And I think I’ve been very fair.”

Adam moved for the door, opening it and waiting. You realized he was seeing you out. Of course he didn’t want you to stay. He didn’t seem angry with you, but you knew that he didn’t want to be around you right now. He had been right; you had probably strung him along, using him to work at getting over Rob. Maybe his terms were not as bad as you thought. After all, he loved you. He only wanted you for himself and the fact that he wanted you to distance yourself from Rob might even be the best thing for you. You clutched onto the plane ticket as you walked toward the door carefully. You honestly couldn’t even gauge the situation properly anymore. Was he angry with you? After all, he was literally kicking you out of his room right now. You walked slowly, eyeing him as you got closer, unsure of what to even do or say. When you reached the door, standing directly in front of him, he leaned in; placing a chaste kiss to your mouth.

“You’re kicking me out,” you pointed out.

“No, never. I just know you have some things to think about, and I want to give you the time to be able to do that.”

* * *

Back at your room, you couldn’t help but to break down again. The entire weekend had been a mess. You were now faced with a dilemma that you weren’t sure you knew how to get out of. You hated Adam for even telling you that you had to choose. It didn’t seem fair at all, why should you be the one who had to give up on the work that you loved to do just to be with him. More so, why did it have to be you and not Rob. It seemed as if Rob really was the lucky one at this point. He had managed to hang on to his busy career, his popularity with fans, and support of your friends. The only one losing at this point was you.

Perhaps it didn’t even matter anymore. You were aware of what fans thought of you; they went out of their way to intrude on your private life during panels, they talked about how you had probably been the one to ruin your relationship with Rob, and they talked about how you were pathetic for being with Adam now. Not all of it had been horrible; but leave it to you to only let the horrible things be what stuck with you. You had all but stopped spending time with your friends. Every now and then, you’d hang out with Briana; but you knew that they were on Rob’s side. They were his friends first, of course they had made their choices. It wouldn’t matter if the man had openly cheated on you; you were sure they would rather hang out with him than you.

You wondered now if there really was anything keeping you here. Were the conventions even worth it for you anymore?

You let out a heavy sigh as you flopped down on your bed; plane ticket still clutched to your chest as you did so. You weren’t sure what you would do yet; but you knew that Adam was right. You had a lot to think about.

You did the only thing you could think of. You went to Briana’s room, even though it was getting late and everyone had early morning flights to catch. You only knew that she was the only one you could turn to for advice, everyone else had all but kept their distance from you ever since Rob left. You knocked on her door and when she answered, she gave you a knowing look, moving aside to let you enter the room.

You explained the whole conversation between you and Adam to her. You explained how Rob had been acting toward you. When you had finished, you waited for her to add something, anything.

“So, he wants you to stop doing conventions,” she stated. She looked as if she were thinking hard about what you had just told her.

“I think so. Maybe it’s not a bad idea,” you said, “maybe being away from Rob for good is the only way I’m ever going to stop hurting so much.”

“Y/N, this is your work. These conventions and the show. If he wants you to stop doing this, does he expect you to leave the show any time Rob comes back?”

“I don’t know,” you replied, “that’s what it sounds like.”

“You can’t drop everything for him. That’s not fair.”

“He’s only looking out for me. He is right. Being away from Rob is what I need. I need to not see him everywhere I go. It’s just too hard.”

“I know that you think it’s impossible to remain friends with him after what he did, but do you really think that cutting him out of your life completely will make things any better?”

“I do,” you nodded, “I really do. And, he’s more important to all of this than I am. No one will miss me. I can’t be his friend Briana. I just can’t. How can you be friends with someone that you love who did nothing but hurt you?”

“Don’t talk like that,” Briana said, “everyone loves you. None of us will be okay with you leaving.”

“I think in the end, I have to do what’s best for me. It will be easier to not see Rob anymore. Adam is good to me, and I really do like him. I think I need to give him a chance still.”

“You need to really think about what you’d be doing.”

“I have thought about it!” you said, raising your voice, “I’ve thought about it so much that it makes my head hurt. I need to be happy again, and I am only ever happy when I am with him.”

“You’d be giving up so much to be with him,” Briana reminded you.

“But, I’d also be moving on. Which is what everyone wants from me. Briana, you have no idea how difficult this has all been. Seeing him every weekend, doing panels with him, sitting through questions about why we aren’t together and why I’m seeing Adam instead… everyone looks at me as if this is all my fault. I can’t keep doing this to myself.”

“No one thinks it’s your fault…”

“Are you kidding?” you asked, looking at her as if she were clueless over what you could see the whole time. “No one even talks to me anymore. You do, Rich has a few times. Even Kim treats me like I’m a jerk for finding someone new so quickly.”

“That’s not true Y/N.”

“Yes it is! I hate him. I hate him for what he did to me. I hate that he was able to walk out so easily when I was the one who should have. Do you know how hard I tried? I was always there, doing everything that I could to make us work. And, he just left… like it was nothing. He made me pretend that nothing happened so that he could avoid the questions, the questions that I ultimately got in the end. I was the one who had to defend myself. He got nothing. He got to walk away and not have a second thought about it.”

“Y/N…” Briana began. She moved toward you, hugging you as you let it all out.

“It should have been me to leave him. He was the one who didn’t try.”

“But you couldn’t leave him,” she said, “because you love him and you wouldn’t give up.”

“And he did give up. He gave up because he stopped loving me. He stopped loving me even though I did everything for him. I loved him despite the fact that I knew he hated me and I knew he was going to leave.” You began to sob. Your body shaking as Briana held you yet again. “It wasn’t easier just because I saw it coming. It made it harder because I wasn’t good enough for him anymore.”

Briana didn’t say anything, she only squeezed you tighter as she shushed you softly. She let you cry, let you get it all out, just as she had done before. Even though she didn’t have any words to offer you, just letting you vent helped.

“I can’t keep letting him make me sad, and every time I see him I feel like I can’t breathe. I like Adam, and I really do want to see where things might go with him,” you sputtered out your final thought.

“Sounds like you’ve already made your decision then,” she said softly.

“I have,” you stated, pulling away from her, “I’m sorry to bother you with all of this, but you’re the only one who will listen.”

“It’s fine, I’m always here for you. I just wish you’d think about this some more.”

“Well, I guess I have a few more days to really think about it,” you replied. You headed for the door, ready to leave now that you had vented a bit. “Hey, I’ll come see you when we get back to L.A. I’ll let you know what I really decide to do, okay?”

“I hope so,” Briana said.

You left her room, questioning the decision that it seemed that you had already made.


	17. I can’t find my way back to you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader has made her choice. Rob has realized his mistake. Sometimes, apologies come too late.

**Rob’s POV**

After yet another convention weekend, Rob returned to an empty house, feeling even worse about everything. He was aware that he had been horrible to Y/N, but that had been the whole point really. He didn’t want to come across as the jealous ex-boyfriend, after all; he had been the one who had left her. But, seeing how openly affectionate she and Adam had been with each other had really gotten to him. At the same time, he finally saw how happy she seemed to be when she was with him. Maybe he was going about it all the wrong way; but he really thought that by treating her like crap, she would eventually stop feeling the way she felt about him.

It had become far too obvious at that point. She still hadn’t moved on, still hadn’t stopped loving him the way that he had hoped she would. Being horrible to her was the only thing that seemed to be an option.

All he could think about was that moment they had shared on stage together when they finally sang again. He hated the idea of singing ‘Dearly Departed’ from the get go. They had started singing that one together in the very beginning, back before they were ever a couple. Mostly because she loved the song so much; and when they actually practiced it once together, Rob had realized how amazing they made it sound. After their inevitable hook-up and the subsequent beginning of their relationship; they had moved on to less sad songs and worked on others that were happier and more about love.

When she had requested it to be the one, Rob couldn’t help but feel attacked. He knew that she wanted to do it because of what it meant to her right now. It was essentially a scorned ex-lover song and Rob wasn’t sure if he could handle singing it with her after everything.

Y/N had done something unexpected though. She had moved in and performed the song the same way that she had in the past. She had been so close to him, finally making eye contact for the first time in a long time. It hurt to have her so close, singing those lyrics directly to him. But, there had been something else there. He wasn’t sure what it was, but he felt as if she might still be silently asking him to make things right. 

Rob realized his misinterpretation of the whole thing later on when he saw her with Adam again. How could she still be wanting him to fix things when Y/N had a man who was good to her, who actually made her smile? Embarrassed that he had even thought otherwise, that he had actually attempted to smile at her and approach her the next day, he opted to avoid her again.

Now that he had been back home for a couple of days, he could only think about how all of this was going to be increasingly difficult. Each time Y/N was at a con, that was hard enough for him. The fact that Adam was now constantly being added to them was even worse. He decided that he should prepare himself the best he could; know which weekends were going to be the most difficult and think of ways to avoid the awkwardness. Rob decided to check out the upcoming cons on the website, just to see if they would both be in attendance to any of them at the same time.

He was mostly looking at the possible additions of Adam. Y/N was already a given. Everyone loved her and she had become a permanent part of the cons. Rob didn’t expect to look at the one coming up this weekend and see that Y/N was listed as ‘cancelled’. It wasn’t unlike her to cancel appearances lately, so he didn’t think much of it; not until he saw that she had cancelled appearances up through the next couple of months. Now that was unusual. It almost seemed as if she were gradually taking herself out of the circuit completely.

He was concerned obviously. He didn’t want her to feel as if she had to stop working just because of him; in fact, this whole thing had him on edge since this is exactly what he had been trying to avoid the whole time. He thought about calling her, asking her why she was doing this and what he could do to keep her where she belonged. He thought better of it though; instead, he decided to pay a visit to the only person Y/N even seemed to talk to anymore.

* * *

“You’re the one who fucked up. You don’t get to involve yourself in her life and her choices after what you did to her,” Briana said furiously. Maybe Rob shouldn’t have tried to get information from her, but it seemed to be his only option. He only wanted to know why Y/N was backing out of so many cons.

“I know, it was a shitty thing for me to do. I’ve regretted it this entire time.”

“Do you know how broken she was? Do you even realize how hurt and confused she had been?”

“No, I mean… yeah, a little,” Rob looked down, unable to even look Bri in the eyes anymore as the guilt washed over him again.

“You ruined that girl. She isn’t even the same person anymore.”

“I’m sorry-”

“Don’t tell me how sorry you are. You’re my friend, but you did a shitty thing. You can’t walk out on someone who loves you with no explanation. You don’t get to feel bad now.”

“I know…”

“Why can’t you just at least tell her? Tell her what she did wrong so that she can stop beating herself up over it.” Briana was pleading with him now. Rob looked back up at her, only to see the pain in her eyes over this mess that he had put himself and Y/N through. Briana only wanted the best for both of them. Rob realized how much she was hurting by seeing Y/N hurt.

“I can’t… I can’t do that because she didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I don’t either anymore. But, you’re right. She deserves to know.”

Briana said nothing. She carefully watched Rob, the poor man looking as if he had just realized that he had made a huge mistake.

“Should I go to her? Should I tell her now?”

“I don’t know what you should do. Do you want her to move on and be happy? Or do you want to possibly mess her up even more than you already have?”

Rob thought hard. Briana raised some good points. Was it better to let her be, let her at least try to move on from him? Was it worth it to tell her the truth in hopes of her forgiving him; possibly with the intention of Rob being able to fix himself and how he was feeling? There was no guarantee the truth would help her to feel better, there wasn’t even a guarantee that it could possibly fix things between them. He had to decide if he wanted to even try, or if letting her go was the best option.

“How is she? Is she okay?” Rob asked.

“She’s doing better. I think Adam makes her very happy. I don’t know, maybe it’s getting pretty serious between them.” Briana answered.

Rob frowned, put off by the fact that perhaps Y/N and Adam were happy together. More so, he was put off by the fact that he couldn’t be the one to make her happy.

“Serious? Like, how?” He asked nervously. He was sure Briana wouldn’t indulge him with too much information, she had stayed pretty firm on not going into detail about the relationship.

“Serious like… I mean, she’s cancelled a bunch of appearances. And she’s going to see him in Ireland.”

“What?” He he said suddenly, “she’s going to a different country to see him? Why?”

“I don’t know, I guess when you like someone, you do what you can to spend time with them.”

“Like, a vacation or something?” He pressed. He wanted more details, he could only hope Briana would give it up. “She’ll be back soon?”

“No, I mean, she’s cancelled appearances for at least the next two months. She said she’s going over there for a few weeks at least. I really think she’s going to stop doing conventions altogether.”

“What? She’s going to stop doing conventions? Why? And she’ll be gone a few weeks?” His voice caught at the sudden realization that Y/N was willing to stop working and leave her life behind for that long. He knew that things must be serious between them. He couldn’t imagine why else she would walk away from everything she knew to be with him.

“I talked to her this morning,” Briana said, “I think she’d done with all of this. Conventions and probably the show.”

“How can she be done with this? She loves conventions, she loves the show. Is this because of me?”

“I think it’s a combination of you and what Adam wants.”

“This is stupid,” Rob argued, “this wasn’t how things were supposed to go.”

“Who knows,” Briana laughed, “maybe she’ll end up moving across the world for him.”

“Briana,” Rob said carefully, “when is she supposed to leave?”

“Tonight I think,” she replied carelessly, “when I talked to her this morning, she said she was packing. She seemed a little nervous about it, but said she was looking forward to seeing a new place, being with him.”

“That’s… really soon,” Rob mumbled. His mind began to race. Thoughts about what he should do running through his head.

“Yeah, so like, I think you’ve got maybe a few hours.”

“What?” Rob focused on Briana, unsure of what she was trying to say at this point. The woman had just told him off, reminding him that he was a fuck up. Now, Rob couldn’t be sure, but it was almost as if she were encouraging him to go to Y/N.

“I mean, if you wanted to say goodbye of course,” Briana reached for a pen from her bag, taking Rob’s hand in hers as she began to write on his palm.

“What’s this?”

“Her address, apartment number… in case you wanted to go by.”

“Why are you giving this to me?” He asked, confused now by her sudden change of behavior.

“Because I think you’ve just realized what you’ve done. I also think she’d want to see you before she leaves. Don’t tell her I gave this to you.”

“Thank you, Bri,” Rob breathed out. He hugged her hard, grateful that at least she understood.

“I’m not saying that she’s going to forgive you, but godammit, you need to try.”

“Are you saying that it’s a bad idea for her to be with Adam? To go to him?”

“No, it might be really good for her. He might be really good for her. But I could also tell that she’s having second thoughts about this. She won’t admit it, but I just know she is. She’s been put in a shitty situation, and while I like Adam, I think he’s doing the wrong thing. You’re my friends and I know that you love each other. I know you’re supposed to be together.”

“Thank you Bri,” Rob said again. He gathered his things quickly and headed for the door. He only hoped that he still had time to make things right before Y/N left.

* * *

When Rob arrived at the address that was written on his hand, he sat in his car for a moment, thinking really hard about what he should do.

He had too many options and he wasn’t sure which one would benefit him in this situation. He could knock on her door, tell her that he was an idiot and hope she’d forgive him. He could wish her luck, allow her to move on and be with someone who cared about her probably just as much as he did. He could stop trying to keep her in his life, since he had been the one to hurt her in the first place. Or, he could attempt to fix this. He could try to be better for her and hope that she was willing to take him back.

When he finally found the balls to at least try something, he left his car and made his way to her door. He knocked carefully, immediately regretting his decision to show up in the first place. He had put her through so much and she was finally at a point in her life where she had someone who made her laugh, who made her happy. He knew that no matter how this turned out, he didn’t deserve her. He never did. But, he had to at least try.

“Rob!” Y/N exclaimed when she opened the door and came face to face with him. Rob turned anxious now, shoving his hands in his pockets as he smiled at her.

“Hey, Y/N,” was all he could say. Y/N watched him for a moment, seeming surprised that he was even at her doorstep.

“What are you doing here? How did you find me?”

Rob remembered that Briana had wanted him to not mention that she had given him her address, and he didn’t really have a backup answer for that, so he just shrugged.

“Briana,” Y/N stated when he didn’t answer. She shook her head, looking displeased.

“Don’t be mad at her,” Rob said, “I kinda wouldn’t stop bothering her until she told me where you lived.”

“Why?”

“Because, I just wanted to see you.”

“Oh. Well, you’ve seen me. Goodbye,” she started to shut the door and Rob reacted. He pressed his foot against it, stopping it from closing. Y/N eyed him, wondering what the hell he was doing.

“I’m sorry,” Rob said, “I didn’t mean to… intrude. And I know you hate me and you don’t want to see me, but I was hoping that you’d give me just a minute,” Rob’s voice faltered slightly as he tried to hold back tears.

“A minute for what?”

“Not to piss you off anymore than I already have,” he chuckled lightly, trying to ease the tension, “I just… think you deserve an explanation from me.”

“What?”

“About… why I left.”

“And you want to do this now?” Y/N asked. She didn’t seem relieved as Rob thought she would be. To finally have a reason behind all of the pain that he had put her through, Rob thought that was all she needed. That was all she ever asked for when he did leave her.

“I’ve wanted to do this, I just didn’t know how before.”

“I don’t need your explanation now,” she said, tears forming in her eyes, “fuck, I’ve waited for it for months. I’m with someone else, and I don’t want your excuses. Not now.”

“Y/N, I just want to make things okay between us…”

“Things will never be okay! You hurt me. You left me and I never knew why. I don’t want to know why. Not anymore!” She moved to close the door again, tears streaming down her face as she tried to wrap her mind around what he was doing right now. Rob knew instantly that he had made the wrong decision. He should have left her alone. But, he couldn’t stop. Not now that he was finally ready to explain to her, let her know why he had walked out. So, he pressed his hand against the door, holding it as Y/N tried to shut him out again.

“I left because you wouldn’t!” He shouted. After a moment, Y/N stopped. She let go of the door, watching him as she tried to take his words in.

“What do you mean, I wouldn’t?”

“Can I please come in?” Rob asked softly. He was sure they were causing a scene in front of her neighbors, and he only wanted to talk to her in private.

Y/N hesitated, but eventually stepped aside, allowing Rob to enter her apartment. She closed the door behind him, standing there, looking as if she wasn’t sure what she should say.

“Are you going somewhere?” Rob asked when he noticed her luggage waiting by the door.

“I am. I have somewhere I need to be. I’ve got a flight to catch in a few hours.”

“Oh,” was all he could say. He was sure he must be feeling pain similar to what he had put her through. The thought of her, the woman that he never stopped loving, leaving to be with another man made his chest ache in a way he had never felt before.

“What do you mean, I wouldn’t leave?” Rob turned to face her, pleased that she was at least willing to listen to him.

“I mean, after everything that I put you through in our relationship, you still wouldn’t leave me. No matter what, you stayed.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“It is when there was a point when I was no longer any good for you.”

Y/N shook her head, confused as he tried to explain.

“Y/N, I knew about everything. I knew about you turning down roles that you were offered, really great roles that you should have done. I knew that you were keeping yourself from things that you wanted to do, all because of me.”

“I don’t know…”

“No, I do know. I was never around. I work so damn much and I was never there. I know that you were turning things down so that you could be waiting for me. I don’t know, I guess, making yourself available so that our relationship could actually work.”

“Okay, yeah. How is that so bad that you felt you had to leave?”

“I always saw how much I was hurting you. I know I didn’t act like it, but I knew you were sad all the time because I couldn’t give you the time that you needed. You gave up a lot for me, and I was so terrible that I wouldn’t do that for you.”

“You had a lot going on, really good things. And we always had convention weekends.”

“That was work though. We saw each other at work. You shouldn’t have to give up opportunities for your own career for someone who wouldn’t do the same for you.”

“Then, why didn’t you consider doing that for me? Was I not important enough to you for that?”

“That’s was never it at all. It was because if I stopped doing things with the shows, the bands… I was going to let a lot of other people down. It just took me a while to realize that I was letting the most important person in my life down. By that time, I couldn’t back out of anything. All I could do was see you when possible, usually when you took the time to come to me.”

“And you were mad at me because I wasn’t working?”

“No, I was mad at myself because you felt that you couldn’t work.”

“I did it because I loved you. I would’ve done anything to make things work, and I did.”

“I know, and I was only ruining your life. I kept you from doing things that you love, and all for what? So we could see each other one or two days a week?”

“I thought you left because you stopped loving me. I always thought that maybe I did something wrong. You brought up that disagreement we had over marriage and kids. You said you left because we both wanted different things.”

“I thought it would be easier that way. I know that getting married and starting a family was never going to work at the time. If anything, it would have made you resent me more.”

“I never resented you. I was always proud of you and everything you did.”

“See, I didn’t know that then. So, I treated you terribly so that you might get sick of it and leave. But you never did,” Rob chuckled as he recalled her insistence on staying, “So I made myself the asshole and left you.”

Y/N stared off, trying to allow everything to register. It was a lot to take in. The reasoning that he was giving her was far different than what he had told people and from what she had thought.

“You never deserved to be left alone at home all the time. You never deserved to be with someone who wouldn’t give you their time. I was ruining your life, so I left.” Rob added. It was difficult to tell the truth, but he felt relieved now that it was out there. He had kept it on for so long. Not only was he finally admitting to her why he left, he was admitting his own faults and his own screwups.

“So, you left because you thought I deserved better?”

“Yeah, I figured if I was gone; you’d keep yourself busy; take those amazing roles that you’re always offered, maybe record that album that you always talked about with Jason… I thought you’d be so much better off without me holding you back.”

“But, I didn’t do any of that.”

“I know,” Rob said, “I wish you had though.”

“You don’t get to decide what makes me happy,” Y/N replied. Rob could see a hint of anger on her face. This conversation was no longer going in the direction that he had hoped it would go.

“I’m not, I just-”

“Stop! You don’t leave someone because you think you know what’s best for them. You talk about it like adults and you figure it out together. You don’t get to walk out on me and come here to give me an explanation months later. Why couldn’t you just leave it alone?”

“Because I had to tell you the truth, I knew it was killing you not knowing.”

“It was killing me! It was ruining me up until I met someone else. Is that was this is? Briana told you I was leaving, and you’re here, giving me your shitty explanation because you’re jealous?”

“Okay, I might be a little jealous. But, all of that happened because I wanted you to be happy, even if it meant you were happy without me.”

“But I’m not allowed to be happy with Adam,” she stated sharply. The words stung Rob. He didn’t want to admit it, didn’t want to be that guy, but it was true. “You show up here because you know that I’m at least trying to move on, when I am finally feeling happy… to tell me that you want me to be happy, but on your terms.”

“I admit that I am… insanely jealous. I didn’t realize how I’d feel seeing you with someone new. Because I really thought you’d focus on yourself, your career.”

“It doesn’t matter what I put my focus on. If it makes me happy, why are you even here?”

Rob paused for a long time. Hearing her say that she was finally happy, even if it hadn’t been how Rob imagined she would find happiness, it hurt. It hurt because he realized that, for her, it wasn’t about work when it came to happiness. It had always been him that made her happy. At least until he screwed that up. Now, there was Adam who was making her happy. Maybe it had been too much, coming here to finally tell her why it ended between them. He honestly thought she’d forgive him, realize that he was a good guy for thinking of her well-being. Now, he was nothing but a disappointment to her.

“I- I’m sorry.”

“You shouldn’t have come here. You should have just let me go on thinking that I’m the one who fucked up.”

“I couldn’t do that.”

“Why?! It was that way for so long. What has changed? Why are you doing this?”

“Because I love you!” Rob shouted.

“You treated me like shit,” she replied, “you treated me as if you hated me. You made me believe that I did something wrong and then you continued to treat me badly. How is that love?”

“I thought that if I made you hate me, it would be easier for you. I love you so much that I wanted you to have what you deserved. The only way you could have that was if you forgot about me. You needed to find what made you happy, because it wasn’t me anymore. And, you do have that now. He’s good to you, right?”

“Yes, he is.”

“Good, but, I’ve been thinking about it, and I realized that I am a complete idiot.”

“You’re only now realizing this?”

“I fucked up. I made the biggest mistake of my life walking out on you. I should have tried harder.”

“What the fuck is it with you? Is it all men? Do you all have some sort of ex-girlfriend radar that lets you know when she’s finally moved on and happy for once? That’s when you know it’s time to move on in and try to fuck up her life some more?”

“No, I just… I can’t let you go to him.”

“Stop.”

“No, I can’t because I love you and I think that you still love me too.”

“Rob, of course I do. I never stopped loving you. That’s why this has all been so fucking hard. That’s why I’m leaving. You came to this realization too late. Your apology is too late.”

“Is it?” Rob asked carefully, studying her face, “Is it too late?”

“Yeah Robert,” she replied quietly, fighting back tears again, “I think so.”

“Don’t call me Robert,” he said, dropping his head to stop himself from looking at her.

“Maybe I’m a little mad at you right now. Because I am legitimately in a relationship with someone. Someone who is good to me. Someone that I really care about.”

Rob sighed heavily, defeated as he realized that he really was too late. “I’m so fucking stupid,” he said quietly, “I’m sorry. I just- I had to try, you know? I had to see if there was even the smallest chance that you’d forgive me. I’m too late.”

He turned his back to her, not wanting her to see how crushed he really was by the realization. He had shown up here, sure that she would give him another chance. It wasn’t supposed to go this way. All he could do now was back off and let her be happy.

“Rob,” Y/N called to him as he headed for the door. He turned back to her. “If all of that was true… the whole bit about you leaving because you thought I deserved something better, you have to know that you were always it for me. You were the one. I believed that, even though things were tough there for a while, we’d figure it out, like we always did. That’s why I never left. But, maybe you were the only one who ever actually did something about it, you know. Like, I probably would have gone on, not saying anything about how unhappy I was, for a lot longer. Maybe we would have gotten to the point where we really did hate each other.”

“I don’t know, I still think I made the wrong decision. After all, I could have been better to you.”

“Yeah, you could have.”

“I- I honestly hope that you find what makes you happy, even if it’s… him. You deserve that.”

“Goodbye Rob,” she said. She stood there, arms folded across her chest as she waited for him to leave. He opened the door, walking out without looking back to her. She didn’t say another word, only watched him as he left yet again.

He realized that he couldn’t ask her for her forgiveness anymore. No matter how much he wanted her back, he couldn’t ask for that. He didn’t even deserve to have the chance to ask for that. While he had thought he was doing the right thing, he realized that he had gone about it all wrong. Now, he knew that he really was going to lose her. She was quite possibly going to get on that plane, go to Adam, and never look back. Although he hadn’t said the things that he meant to say, Rob knew that he couldn’t. There was no room for forgiveness here, and he had to stop hurting her. He at least owed her that much.


	18. All the pain and lies, I follow you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Devastated by the Reader’s decision. Rob realizes that he needs to back off. If anything, he can at least give her a chance to be happy again.

**Rob’s POV**

When Rob returned home, the same home that he used to share with Y/N, he let himself cry. He had finally gotten to the point where he could be honest with Y/N, tell her the reason behind his leaving her. He thought that by being honest, he could fix the mistake that he had made. He had been wrong. All he did was make her hate him more. She had finally moved on, found someone who was good to her, and now Rob was the asshole who tried to move in and mess that up for her too.

It didn’t matter anymore. She was heading off to be with Adam regardless of how Rob had tried to stop her. He had tried to stop her for his own selfish reasons. He wanted to keep her even though he had been the one to give her up.

Rob headed for the kitchen, grabbing a beer from the fridge before sitting down at the table. It really was hard to be in their home without her there. While he had gone through his own self-loathing after he left, all he could ever do was focus on how he had made her feel through it all. He had hurt her and seeing the pain that he put her through never did leave him. There had been countless times when he considered going back to her, admitting that he had made a mistake, hoping that she would take him back. He stopped himself every time when he reminded himself of how he had been slowly ruining her life. Why did he feel the need to try to do this today?

Rob took a long drink of his beer, knowing that he had done what he had done because he couldn’t stand the idea of her loving someone else. He was jealous, and he had regretted what he had done for months. Maybe the best way to get through this would be to drink himself stupid. It hadn’t worked for Y/N, so he was sure it wouldn’t work for him. But, he wanted to try anything to stop feeling how he was feeling right now.

Before he could get too deep into his binge, there was a knock at the door. He moved to answer it, thinking it was Briana who might be stopping by to see how things had went. 

When he opened the door though, Y/N stood there, looking just as confused as Rob was.

“Y/N!” he exclaimed, honestly happy to see her at the doorstep. “I thought you had a flight to catch.”

“I do,” she replied, motioning behind her to the cab stopped in the driveway, “the driver’s waiting, but I have a little time so I had to come by.”

Rob didn’t know what to say, so he waited for her to continue.

“I just- I have know- what exactly were you trying to accomplish earlier?”

“What do you mean?”

“All of that… the explanation, the whole reminding me that you are an idiot thing… why? What was the point?”

“Why am I an idiot? Or why did I do it?’

“Why did you do it?” She chuckled, “Were you just trying to make yourself feel less guilty by finally telling me the truth?”

“No, I just knew I had made a mistake and I knew that you at least deserved closure.”

“Oh,” she said softly. She focused her eyes on the ground, looking a bit disappointed. “So that was it? You just wanted me to have closure, wanted to tell me that you didn’t approve of me leaving… but, for no reason other than that you were jealous.”

“No,” Rob started. He thought carefully about what to say next. Truth be told, he never did say what he had actually meant to say to her when he stopped by. The discussion had escalated too quickly and she had become too upset with him for him to even think it was a good idea anymore. “I said all of that because… I thought I could win you back somehow.”

Y/N darted her eyes back up to him, looking as if she were about to cry again.

“Why didn’t you just say that?”

“Because I know I was too late. You said I was too late.”

“I said your apology came too late,” she corrected him.

“Well, I just figured- I explained myself and apologized and it didn’t matter anymore. You made up your mind, and that’s okay. Really, I shouldn’t have tried to screw things up for you again.”

“Will you please just tell me what you meant to tell me?”

Rob was caught off-guard, confused by her request. He wasn’t sure if this was just another attempt by her to get more closure, or to have a chance to shoot him down for good. Either way, he wanted to be able to give her what she needed.

“Y/N, I need to know if you could forgive me for what I did. Is there any chance that I can fix this?”

“Tell me again what an idiot you are.”

Rob swallowed hard, now thinking that she was just messing with him. He was sure that she was trying to make him look like a complete idiot, which he was. So, he gave in to that request as well.

“I’m a fucking idiot who made a huge mistake. I never should have left you. I should have stopped being an asshole and worked at loving you the way you should be loved.”

Y/N smiled at him, a few tears flowing down her cheeks as she choked out a sob.

“What are you doing, Y/N?” Rob asked finally when she didn’t speak.

“I don’t know,” she shrugged, still smiling, “I realized something after you left earlier. You talked about how you walked out because I was giving up too much to be with you, and you didn’t want that for me.”

“No, I never did.”

“Adam basically asked me to walk away from everything that I know; conventions, my friends, my job, you… just to prove to him that I wanted to be with him.”

“Do you want to be with him?”

“I thought I did. But, I mean, you said you left because you wanted more for me. You didn’t want me to give up on all of those things for you. How can he ask me to do that? How can you demand that someone gives something up just to make you happy? It doesn’t seem fair does it?”

“Y/N… I’m not sure what is happening right now.”

“I think I’m here because; while you did hurt me, you did it because you thought you were doing the right thing for me. You’re a fucking idiot because of it, but maybe your reasons were good reasons. I don’t think Adam is asking me to do these things because he wants what’s best for me. I really do think he loves me, but I think he’s not loving me the right way.”

“I don’t understand…”

“I guess I’m not willing to give up on the things I love just to be with him. I realized that I would be doing exactly the same thing I did when you and I were together. Only now, I’d be doing it because he’s asking me to.”

“Then don’t. At least come back to the cons, the show… because I know they make you happy. Even if you still can’t forgive me, you have to know that I couldn’t handle it if I could never see you again.”

“You’re not off the hook, you know?” She said, frowning as she still thought about how much he had hurt her. “I’m still hurt and angry with you. But… I guess, I’m just not ready to let you go yet.”

Rob felt his heart sink, not like it did every time he had to see her cry because he had hurt her, this time it was because he realized that he might still have a chance.

“I was never ready to let you go either,” he said, “even when I did leave, I didn’t want to. I thought I was doing the best thing for you, when I really should have been trying to be better for you.”

“Then, why are we? Why are we trying to let each other go?”

Rob laughed, shaking his head when even he didn’t know the answer to that.

“Maybe we’re both idiots,” Y/N said, answering her own question.

“Well, I’m the biggest idiot here.”

“Yeah, you are,” she chuckled. “Can I… can I stay here for a bit? Maybe we can talk?”

“Yeah, yes, of course,” Rob replied quickly, “come in.”

“My bags are in the cab,” she began, pointing behind her to remind Rob that she was still technically supposed to be on her way to the airport. Before she could make a move, Rob was out the door; paying the driver and retrieving her bags.

Once they were both inside and he was sure she wasn’t leaving; they each stood there, a few feet apart as they stared at each other. It seemed as if neither of them knew what to do now. Rob had basically just asked for a second chance, and he assumed that she was going to give that to him. He couldn’t help but to feel guilty all over again. Here he was, asking her for something; asking her to give up Adam, who she might be in love with- even Rob didn’t know if that’s where their relationship was- but, he was asking her to give it all up so that he could have a second chance. And, in true Y/N form, she was doing just that. Giving up her own happiness so that Rob might be happy. The realization ate at him as he stood in front of her, studying her face to see if he could tell that she might be regretting her choice.

“Is this what you really want?” He asked finally. He wanted to be sure that he wasn’t asking too much, “Do you really want to try this again?”

Y/N sighed, giving him a sympathetic look. “All I know is that I always wanted you.”

“What about Adam?” He asked, wondering how all of that would unfold if Y/N were in fact giving him a second chance and bailing on Adam.

“What? You want me to go to Ireland to be with him?”

“No,” he replied quickly, “I just… I thought you were in a relationship with him, I thought you might be pretty serious.”

“I was really serious about him,” she replied, “I like him. But, he was making me choose between him and something that I love to do. He gave me a plane ticket. He said he’d know if I was serious about him if he showed up to the airport and I walked off that plane for him.”

“So, you don’t show up… then what?”

“Then I guess he knows my answer.”

“I don’t want to be the one holding you back from being happy anymore. If you are at all second-guessing this, please, go to him. If you really do love him, I- I can’t stop you from that.”

“He’s a really sweet guy,” Y/N replied. She smiled fondly as she spoke of him, “he made me smile when I thought smiling was impossible, he made me laugh all the time. He never pushed me into anything. We have a lot in common.”

“He does sound like a good guy,” Rob mumbled. This wasn’t what he wanted to hear. He didn’t want to hear her say the words out loud. He didn’t want to know what she was either giving up, or thinking of going back to.

“But, he also isn’t the man that pushed me up against the wall to kiss me right after telling me that I was infuriating. He wasn’t the one who got me to get over my fear of singing in front of other people. He wasn’t the one who held my hair back when I got sick from drinking too much; even when we were split. I never had really heated arguments with him that led to really great makeup sex.”

Rob laughed at her words. Not really impressed with himself as he listened to all of the things that she was listing about him. He really didn’t sound all that great right now, not compared to Adam anyway.

“Wow, when you say it like that; I don’t really measure up to him, do I?”

“I don’t know, you have your moments.”

“You have a lot that you don’t really like about me though. I mean, come on, we argue about everything. We don’t have a lot in common at all.”

“Rob, are you trying to convince me that I’ve made the wrong choice?”

“No! But- I have to ask you… what’s the difference here? He’s a dick for asking you to do this, and I’m a dick for leaving you because of it. How am I any better than him? Why are you choosing to be here and not with him?”

“Because he’s not you,” she stated simply, tears streaming down her face despite the smile that she wore. It was as if she had known all along that it would always be him, and she now had the chance to say it out loud. Every moment that she had spent angry with him, hurt by him… none of it mattered because she still loved him. No matter how badly he had fucked up, she didn’t stop loving him. Rob was suddenly very aware of just how horrible he had been to her, how unnecessary all of this had been, how lucky he was to have her standing here in front of him right now.

“God, I really do love you,” Rob breathed out.

“Then do something about it for once,” she looked at him, almost demanding.

She was right. Although he had always loved her, he was really bad at showing it; at least near the end. He had forgotten how to just be in a relationship, that was evident during the last few months before he had left. There came a point where there was no longer communication and he knew that was his fault. Back then, he had gotten to a point where he didn’t know what to do, how to act with her. It had been a mess honestly; they didn’t talk, they hardly spent time together. But, all of that had been his own doing. It’s extremely difficult to communicate with someone when one of you is always absent. He knew he would have time to tell her all of this, and there would be a time when she was really ready to listen. For now, Rob read this situation as her just wanting to be reminded why she had tried so hard to make things work in the first place. She only wanted to be reminded why she still loved him and that maybe he still loved her.

So he stepped toward her, taking her face in his hands as he captured her lips with his. He kissed her softly at first, not wanting to push too far. He had only just possibly won her back, he didn’t want to fuck this up again. She parted her lips for him, letting him know that it was okay to really kiss her. So he did just that. He kissed her like it was the first time. He felt her gasp against his mouth as she brought her hands to his hips, pulling him closer to her. He continued to kiss her feverishly as if he hadn’t kissed her in years; to be honest, it had felt like years. He moved his hand to the back of her head, fisting his hands in her hair which only caused her to moan against his mouth. Y/N worked her hands beneath his shirt, needing to finally touch him again. Rob shivered as her hands made contact with his skin, still focusing on kissing her as she ran her fingertips against his hip bones. It was almost too much; he very suddenly wanted to push her against the wall and take her right then. He wanted to feel her, to hear her gasps and moans, to make love to her again.

He held back though, knowing that he hadn’t earned that yet. Hell, he didn’t even deserve to have her lips on his right now. All that he had expected was that she would stay, they would talk, they would decide what they needed to do to fix this. He didn’t know what he had done to earn this heated kiss, but he knew he didn’t want to question it, he didn’t want to press his luck by giving in to his need to have her. So, he let her lead for once. He followed her cues in a way that he hadn’t in the history of their relationship. It had always been about him. He always knew what he wanted, and he had the tendency to take it. Right now, he needed… wanted, to focus on Y/N and what she wanted. So he held back and let her take control.

Rob kissed her for a long time; almost as if he were making up for all the time he spent hurting her. He wasn’t sure if this was the right way to go about things, he only knew that he didn’t want to let her go again. He decided it was best to let things happen on her terms this time. So, he kissed her until she was ready to stop.

“I’m still mad at you,” Y/N muttered when she pulled away from him. He watched her, wondering how the hell he had managed to end up in this moment with her.

“I know,” he whispered. He pulled her back to him, holding her against his chest as he placed his mouth against her neck, kissing and tasting her skin.

“You don’t deserve a second chance.”

“I know I don’t.”

“You really are a fuck up,” she continued, reminding him again how horrible he had been to her.

“I know,” he said again, still mouthing at her skin.

“But, you’re my fuck up,” she said as she ran a hand through his hair. He could feel her smile against him and he couldn’t help but smile back.

“I know.”


	19. If this is the day, just let it beat, like the heart goes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The same story as Chapters 17 and 18, only told from the Reader’s POV

“I’m still mad at you,” you muttered when you pulled away from him. He watched you, waiting.

“I know,” he whispered. He pulled you back to him suddenly, holding you tight against his chest as he placed his mouth against your neck.

“You don’t deserve a second chance.”

“I know I don’t.”

“You really are a fuck up,” you continued, barely able to form words as he continued to mouth against your skin.

“I know,” he said again.

“But, you’re my fuck up,” you reminded him as you ran a hand through his hair.

“I know.”

“Promise me that we won’t end up here again,” you said, almost pleading with him.

“I’m going to be better to you,” he promised, “I’ve been so horrible to you, and I know everything has been my fault. Thank you… thank you for letting me have you back.”

“I was never anyone else’s,” you whispered, moving so that your mouth was against his ear as he continued to kiss your neck.

You stayed like this for some time; holding each other, kissing, making up for lost time.

“Are you sure this is what you want?” He asked again. If nothing else, Rob was extremely focused on making sure that you were happy; even if he had gone about it all wrong in the past.

Truth be told, you hadn’t been sure of what you really wanted up until about ten minutes ago. You remembered getting in the cab after yet another heated argument with Rob when he showed up unexpectedly at your door. He had upset you, popping in to remind you that he was still very much present in your life, finally giving you a reason behind why he had left and had treated you so terribly for the past few months. All you could think of was that he had done it solely to make himself feel better and the idea of that ate at you.

As he stood there, spouting off apologies and feeding you some ridiculous reason, all you wanted to do was scream at him. You surprised yourself by telling him that it was too late, the apology that you had waited for was too late.

You almost considered accepting his apology right then. After all, you were packed and hesitantly ready to go to Adam; leaving the past behind you as you had wanted to do. Surely, Rob’s apology wouldn’t stop you from moving on and finally being happy. Instead, you reminded Rob of everything that he had done, wondering how he could expect you to forgive him. You reminded him that he was too late.

The hardest part of it all had been watching him as he finally came to that realization himself. It had taken a long time for him to finally give you the reason behind him leaving you. It had been a stupid reason and you couldn’t justify it in your mind. Yes, you had spent the last few months of your relationship incredibly unhappy. Yes, you had put on a brave face, pretending that things were okay. Yes, you had seen it coming. Nothing ever really prepared you for it though. You assumed the two of you would work through it, the way you always had when things got rough. But, hearing Rob say that he had basically given up, left you because he wanted you to find something that actually made you happy; it was confusing in your mind. He could have been better to you, he could have made the effort that you did; but it was different now after hearing him say why that wasn’t possible at the time. All you could do was remind him that you had found someone who made you happy, which had been a let down to him since that wasn’t what he really wanted for you. He had wanted you to do the things you loved; work and opportunities that you had shot down while you had been together.

It was a lot to wrap your mind around, so you shot him down despite the conflicting emotions you had been feeling in that moment. He had wished you the best, hoping that you could finally be happy, and you told him goodbye.

You spend the next couple of hours replaying the entire thing in your mind. The lame excuse, the ridiculous reasoning, and the anger that you felt over the way he had handled things. You thought about Adam and how much he made you smile, how good he was to you. You really had no second thoughts as you loaded up your luggage and sat in the backseat of the cab, ready for the airport.

It wasn’t until you made it down the street that you really started to think, to wrestle with the feelings and thoughts you were having. You considered Adam; who had basically asked you to walk away from it all. It would have come across as good intentions; walk away from a situation that puts you in front of your ex, go be with someone who makes you happy. But, he was essentially asking you to walk away from a job that you loved. You lived for convention weekends. It was the only time you got to really spend with friends, and those were the only times you had to really interact with fans. You had choked back tears when you called to cancel your appearances for the next couple of months, still thinking that maybe it was better this way. Earlier in the week, Adam had even mentioned how difficult it would be to keep working on the show knowing that there was always the possibility that Rob’s character would return. He hadn’t said it directly then, but you assumed he would eventually ask you to leave the show. Since Adam made you very happy and you truly did have feelings for him, you decided to go to him anyway. Perhaps the work part could be something that you discussed together eventually.

You then considered Rob. He had shown up to apologize, offer you closure, to tell you that he still loved you; but that was it. There was no clear motive behind his actions today. He just happened to show up right before you had to leave; and for what? To make himself feel better knowing that he did the right thing finally? That was what ate at you the most. Not knowing why he had said all of that now. He could have said it sooner, or even better; he could have went on forever not bringing it up. What was the point?

That had been the moment when you realized you needed to see him again. You kept wondering what the point of it all was. You quickly spouted off Rob’s address to the driver, saying that you had to make a quick stop before you went to the airport. You surprised yourself really. You were pretty firm on not accepting the apology, but something else was bothering you. You weren’t sure what you were looking for exactly, but you told yourself that you just needed to know why it was so important for him to say all of this now.

* * *

You had ended up on his doorstep this time, knocking nervously, not really sure why you were here now. You felt your heart skip a beat when he answered; as shocked to see you as you were when you realized you were there.

“I just- I have know- what exactly were you trying to accomplish earlier?” You had said finally, getting to the point of why you were there. You didn’t know why you had to know, but something continued to nag you. Did it really matter? You had plans to be on the other side of the world soon, with someone who had been nothing but good to you. But, here you were on your ex’s doorstep, possibly making things worse for yourself.

“I said all of that because… I thought I could win you back somehow,” Rob said softly after a long exchange. This is what had caused you to look up at him quickly. Your heart raced, stomach flipping as you took in his words, eyes welling with tears that you weren’t sure if they were from the sadness you still felt or maybe from a hint of happiness.

“Why didn’t you just say that?”

“Because I know I was too late. You said I was too late.”

“I said your apology came too late,” you corrected him.

“Well, I just figured- I explained myself and apologized and it didn’t matter anymore. You made up your mind, and that’s okay. Really, I shouldn’t have tried to screw things up for you again.”

“Will you please just tell me what you meant to tell me?” You begged. You knew you shouldn’t be setting yourself up for more pain, you shouldn’t be here right now, but you so desperately wanted to hear the words for some reason.

Rob seemed confused by your request, narrowing his eyes at you before he spoke slowly.

“Y/N, I need to know if you could forgive me for what I did. Is there any chance that I can fix this?”

“Tell me again what an idiot you are,” you demanded. Hearing him ask for another chance hadn’t really been enough. You needed to hear him say why he thought he deserved that.

“I’m a fucking idiot who made a huge mistake. I never should have left you. I should have stopped being an asshole and worked at loving you the way you should be loved.” You watched as his own eyes teared up, voice cracking as he spoke, finally admitting to you the reason why he had shown up and letting you know that he understood that he had messed up.

You realized something else just then. All at once it came to you. Rob had left for a stupid reason, a reason that he still felt was legitimate. He wanted better for you, wanted you to be happy and successful. He also knew that you were holding yourself back for his sake. Adam had asked you to do something that Rob had been trying to avoid completely. Adam had asked you to walk away from your work and the things that made you happy, just to be with him. You knew it wasn’t malicious, the man was looking out for you and he really did care about you. Only, he wasn’t thinking about all of this when he asked you to go to Ireland with him. Yes, Adam made you happy, made you smile, made you feel loved; but you can’t give up one happiness to focus solely on another happiness and expect it to work. You had already done that, and look where you were now. Rob saw this, he was all to aware of it. The only problem was that he was an idiot that didn’t know how to handle it.

The rest of the exchange between you and Rob only showed how much he really did care about you. He begged you to stay with the conventions, the show; even if you couldn’t find it in yourself to forgive him. He still wanted you to hang on to a few things that made you happy.

You couldn’t stop the next words as they came out, “I guess, I’m just not ready to let you go yet.”

It had been a scary thing to say. Mostly because of how true it was and always had been. The past few months had been so difficult because you never really were willing to let go of Rob. You realized that even Adam couldn’t fix that part of you.

Rob had let you in finally; after retrieving your bags from the cab and paying the driver when you realized you wanted to stay. You still needed to talk to him, needed to fix this. Rob continued to check on you, asking repeatedly if this is what you really wanted, if this was the right choice for you. He asked if you loved Adam and if that’s where you really wanted to be. He didn’t stop asking if you really wanted to be here with him instead. You assumed it was because he knew you were afraid of change. But, it really did seem as if he had your best interest in mind. You were sure he didn’t want you to give anything up just because he wanted a second chance.

“What’s the difference here? He’s a dick for asking you to do this, and I’m a dick for leaving you because of it. How am I any better than him? Why are you choosing to be here and not with him?” Rob asked, confused as to why you were possibly giving up a man who treated you so well all so that you could possibly have your ex back. Maybe it did seem stupid, after all, Rob had destroyed your heart in so many different ways.

You thought hard for a second, asking yourself the same questions. Why were you here? What were you giving up by being here? Why were you choosing Rob and not Adam.

“Because he’s not you,” you replied simply. The words flowed effortlessly, as if they had made sense all along. It was true. Adam was not Rob, obviously. More importantly, Adam was never going to be able to be what Rob had always been to you. The two men were vastly different of course, and each were important to you in many ways. Rob… Rob was your love. He always had been, even when things were tough. He had continued to be the man you loved because of the tough times, because you always got through them together.

You hated to admit it to yourself right now; but Adam had been your bandaid. He had showed up at a very difficult time for you. You should have known better; heartbreak isn’t cured by finding someone new, it’s only covered up briefly. That’s not to say that you didn’t almost love the man. He had done so much for you in the short time you spent with him. But, in the end, even you knew that he was there to cover up the pain you were still feeling over Rob. You were certain just then that Adam was very aware of this as well. This was why he had offered you the ultimatum after you had told him that he was supposed to be there to fix you. It wasn’t fair to either of you and you knew it. You could no longer go on feeling as if you were using him to get over Rob. It didn’t matter that you had developed feelings for him, it still didn’t change the fact that you had always wanted Rob to fix what he had done.

“God, I really do love you,” Rob breathed out.

“Then do something about it for once.” you demanded.

When Rob finally moved in to kiss you, that had been it for you. You melted into him, parting your lips to let him deepen the kiss. This was better than anything you could have imagined. All at once, you knew that this is where you were supposed to be; you only hoped Rob felt the same way.

The way he kissed you and held onto you in that moment, you relaxed finally, knowing that he felt the same. It was as if he never wanted to let you go again. You let him hold you, let him move his mouth against yours as if you had both been starving for the taste of each other for so long. You knew that he realized what an idiot he had been, and you also knew that he would fix what had been broken between the two of you.

* * *

Later that evening, as you laid there next to Rob in the bed that you had shared for so long, he didn’t stop checking in on you. The discussion had calmed down a bit, but he was obviously worried that you might be feeling as if you had made the wrong choice.

“I am beyond thrilled that you are willing to let me have a second chance, because it never should have happened this way to begin with; but I can’t help but wonder what you are thinking. I couldn’t handle it if you feel like you shouldn’t be here, if you feel like you should go to him.”

“Rob, stop,” you said, “I know where I’m supposed to be.”

“He’s going to be hurt when you don’t show up,” he reminded you. You couldn’t be sure, but you felt that Rob might be feeling bad for Adam as well.

“I think Adam knew all along what I was going to choose,” you replied, “otherwise, he wouldn’t have asked me to make the choice. He knew that I was still holding onto you and I think he just had to be certain of it.”

“He’s going to kick my ass the next time I have to see him,” Rob muttered.

“I think you’re reading too much into this,” you smiled as you you pressed up against him, breathing deeply as you took in Rob’s scent. It was something you had missed terribly. All of this; the feel of him next to you, being able to touch him again.

* * *

You expected Adam to ignore you when he finally came to the realization that you weren’t going to him. You did wonder what that must have felt like for him to be waiting at the airport for you only to see that you weren’t there. The man had told you that he loved you and he wanted you to choose between him and being around Rob. It couldn’t be easy for him to finally know that you would always choose Rob, no matter how much you cared for Adam.

You were shocked the following day to see that Adam was actually trying to contact you. You looked at your phone upon hearing the notification, expecting to see a text; but instead seeing that he was calling you. You answered hesitantly, shaking at the fact that you didn’t expect to have to talk to him again. You knew this would be too hard, but you at least owed him this. Regardless of if he was trying to call you to yell at you or tell you what a bitch you were, you had to let him talk to you.

“Adam?” you breathed out.

“Hello Y/N,” he stuttered, “I wasn’t going to call you, didn’t think I could handle hearing your voice, but every text message I started to type just seemed too impersonal.”

“I understand if you hate me,” you said, “I hate myself too for doing this to you.”

He was quiet for a moment and you waited.

“I don’t hate you,” he replied after a while, “I hate myself for making you choose. That was a horrible thing for me to do to you, because I knew all along that you still cared for him… I shouldn’t have tried to force you to make those feelings stop.”

“You know, I care about you too,” you said, “I always did, you were there for me when I thought no one else would be. I really did think that we could be together.”

Adam chuckled, “Leave it to me to push you away, just when you were starting to like me.”

“I can also tell you that I don’t think I ever would have forgotten about him, you know?”

“I get it. You love him.”

“I do. I always have and I always will.”

“So, me telling you to choose… it’s not that you chose not to come to me; you chose him, didn’t you?”

“Yes, I did.”

“I really do hope you find what makes you happy, Y/N. I only wish it could have been me. But, it seems that I am an idiot and I pushed you away in the end.”

“Don’t feel too bad, most of the men in my life are idiots.”

You could almost hear him smile over the phone, “yeah, I just- I don’t want you to be hurt again.”

“Rob may be an idiot, but he was an idiot with good intentions.”

“I have to say… I really thought that I’d get to see you walk off that plane. I thought there was a chance that you’d want to be with me.”

“I did Adam, I was on my way to the airport, but something stopped me. He came to me right before I got in that cab…”

“That asshole…” Adam replied.

“I finally got my reason and my apology. I was going to go to you… and then he asked if he could fix things.”

“And you’re okay with that? Just like that, you let him apologize and everything is back to normal?”

“Not exactly,” you said, “I’m still angry and I’m still hurt, but I realized that it’s always been him. It will always be him. While I truly do care for you and even began to think that we could be together; I know that you were a band aid. I was using you to fix what he had broken. That wasn’t fair to any of us. I couldn’t do that to you.”

“I would have let you, you know? If you had said no to walking away from from everything that I asked you to leave behind, I still would have been with you. I would have loved you even if you didn’t love me, even if you stayed wrapped up in him.” Adams words stung. The fact that he would have ignored your feelings for Rob just to be with you, it was too much for you.

“That wouldn’t have been good for either of us,” you said.

“I know.”

“You’ll be okay,” you said, trying to comfort him a bit, “it’s just me, I’m nothing special.”

“That’s where you’re wrong,” he laughed, “you really are something else. I just wish Rob had remained an idiot who lost his chance with you. But, at least I sort of got mine.”

“Stop it,” you could feel yourself blushing now, sort of embarrassed that someone could possibly be missing you.

“No, really… I wonder if this is how you felt when he left you…” he trailed off. You then realized that you had hurt the man without really meaning to. After all, you had barely been with him a couple of months. He had done pretty amazing things just to be with you, but you didn’t think you were worth that much of a hassle. “Because,” he added, “if this is how he made you feel, I will personally punch him in the face the next time I see him.”

“I’m sorry Adam,” you whispered.

“Don’t be sorry. The whole point of all of this was to make sure that you found what made you happy. I like to think you found it in the end, even though it sucks for me.”

“You have women throwing themselves at you,” you reminded him, “you’ll do just fine.”

“Yeah, not The One though…”

“If you think I was The One, you need to get out more,” you laughed.

“You’re right, too soon to think about happily ever after. I really do love you though. You could have been The One.”

“Maybe,” you said softly, considering how things could have went with Adam. You easily could have fallen in love with him, he easily could have been your forever. “But, life has a way of throwing us curveballs. I might not be making the right choice, but it’s the one I made. I had to go with my heart on this one.”

“I’ll see you around,” Adam said finally, “or not… It might not be easy to see you again.”

“I get it,” you replied.

“Just- don’t let him hurt you again,” he added, “I may be really pissed off at you right now, but I never did like to see you cry.”

“Thank you,” was all you could say. You smiled, impressed that he was still looking out for you even though you had just left him for your ex.

There was no goodbye, he ended the call on that note and you put your phone down next to you. You glanced at Rob who had sat through the entire conversation, hearing most of what had been said. He smiled at you carefully, wrapping an arm around your shoulders as he pulled you closer to him. He placed a kiss to your forehead, resting his mouth against your skin as he held you. Neither of you spoke. You were grateful to finally have closure for everyone; you got yours and you were able to hopefully give Adam his. You also knew that Rob would hold back with whatever he was thinking during your conversation with Adam. He knew that all of that needed to be dealt with before you and him could even figure out how to move on with each other.

Instead of delving right into dealing with the pain and the fact that you had spent so long being treated poorly by Rob, you both decided to wait. You didn’t want to talk about what needed to be done, you didn’t want to face the inevitable obstacles that were going to come up now that you had decided to work things out. You would deal with the details later. Right now, you just needed to be together.


	20. Alternate Ending: You can dream that it went a different way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if Reader didn't choose Rob?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A couple of people asked about an alternate ending to this series. I guess we have some Adam fans out there! I decided to write a short one, because I also love me some Adam.
> 
> This is meant to pick up right after chapter 17.

You watched him leave. Again. You had done far too much of that when it came to him.

Now that he was gone, you shut yourself back in your apartment, taking a moment to replay the conversation in your head. You couldn’t help the tears that came along with what had just happened.

Rob had done exactly what you had hoped he would do. He came back to you; he had given you the explanation that you had so desperately wanted for so long. The excuse was stupid, even you knew that. Rob had gone on about how he had walked out on you finally when he realized how unhappy you were; how unhappy both of you had become. The worst part of it being that he decided to leave you because you refused to leave him.

It wasn’t fair. You began to sob now, wondering how you had managed to get yourself to this place. Everything that you did felt wrong. He had admitted that he had made the biggest mistake of his life by walking out on you, he kept saying how he loved you and never really stopped loving you, he asked if he was too late.

A part of you wanted to tell him that he wasn’t too late. You did still love him. You loved him so much that it hurt at this point. But, another part of you decided to go in a different direction. You had to reiterate the fact that you fought so hard for your relationship, no matter how difficult things became. But you remembered how it felt when he had finally given up. Things were never easy between the two of you. You were very different people and, although you had a deep love for each other, it had always been a bumpy ride.

When Rob had left you, it nearly destroyed you. You still didn’t feel that you would ever be completely okay. Then, you got to know Adam.

He was good to you, almost too good to you to a point. You had so much in common with him, and he was easy to be around. He had gone out of his way to see you and stuck with you even when he knew that you weren’t over Rob. Truthfully, you still weren’t over Rob. You had given him two years and even the people around you thought you were meant to be.

You sighed heavily, sliding down the wall that you were leaned against. You sat there for some time, just thinking things through. You had decisions to make. You wanted to go to Adam, work at finally having a chance to be happy; but he had asked you to do something that you didn’t really want to do. He had given you his ultimatum and it was the exact opposite of what Rob had wanted for you. You knew Rob’s heart had been in the right place, but the fact that he had left you and continued to hurt you showed you a lot more about him than you ever wanted to know.

Was Rob too late? Was Adam asking too much from you?

You wiped the tears from your eyes, reaching for your phone and finding the name that you were searching for. You knew what you had to do, and you had to do it now.

“Hello?” His voice answered after the second ring.

“Adam,” you said with a smile. “I wasn’t sure if you’d answer, it’s early there.”

“Yes, it is,” he responded. You could hear the sleep in his voice. “But it’s you, I have to answer when you call.”

You smiled harder. “Can we talk?”

“I don’t like the sound of that,” he said carefully, “especially when I know that flight leaves in a couple of hours. Are you at the airport?”

“I’m not right now.”

“Oh, I see,” he mumbled.

“I just wanted to call to let you know that Rob came by just now.”

“Y/N,” he said, “I don’t know if I want to hear anymore…”

“He showed up,” you continued, ignoring his request, “he finally told me why he left. He apologized and told me that he made a huge mistake by leaving me.”

Adam was silent for some time, taking in what it was that you were telling him. Certainly he had to be thinking the worst.

“I take it this means I wasted a plane ticket?” He chuckled slightly.

“You did, but not for the reason you think.”

“So, he comes back when he sees you’re with someone else? He begs you to take him back and you give in, didn’t you?” You could hear the disappointment, the slight crack of his voice as he replayed what he thought had happened.

“No,” you replied, “I heard him out, told him off a little bit. And then I watched him walk away from me again.”

“You did?”

“I told him it was too late,” you choked up as you admitted it, still wondering if you were making the wrong choice. Watching Rob leave again hurt just as much as it had the first time.

“But I still wasted a plane ticket?” He asked.

“Adam, I never lied when I said I care about you,” you began, “I said I wanted to try this with you, and I do. I think we’re actually really good for each other.”

“I don’t really understand Y/N,” he said softly, “if you want to be with me, you’ll come to me, right?”

You paused, thinking of how you could explain this to him without hurting him.

“I won’t,” you stated. “I understand why you asked me to. I understand why you want me to walk away from all of this. But, I can’t do what you asked me to do.”

“Why not?”

“Because, I really love what I do. I love the show, I love the conventions.”

“You love him, and you don’t want to leave him,” Adam replied, sounding a bit more irritated now.

“Of course I do. I’ve been with him for so long and this whole thing has been so hard. But, I’m not going back to him. He was right, we weren’t happy at the end. I don’t know if an apology and a promise is going to fix what is broken between us. Especially not how things went in the last few months. I love him, but I know we’re no good for each other anymore.”

“I have to say, it’s good to hear you say it finally. I still can’t help but feel as if you’re not so sure about us.”

“That’s the thing, I still feel really good about us.” You replied. “ I miss you and I think about you all the time. But, I’m not going to quit my life so I can go to you. I’m done trying to prove myself to you. I’m done giving up the things that I love so that I can please the men in my life.”

You heard him laugh quietly on the other end. You waited nervously for his reply. This had been the first time in a long time that you reminded someone what it was that you wanted. Everyone had been so busy telling you what you were feeling, what you were thinking; for once, it felt really good to tell someone yourself.

“Okay,” Adam said finally, “so you’re not coming here and you’re not going back to him. What are you going to do?”

“I’m going to keep working and I’m going to stop blaming myself for everything. I mean, you can come along for the ride if you really want to, but I’m not dropping everything just to make you happy. For once, I get to work on making myself happy.”

“What would make you happy, Y/N?” He asked. You thought about it for a second, knowing exactly what would make you happy.

“My career, my friends… maybe someday being able to speak to Rob without it hurting so much.” You paused again, considering your next thought. “I think you could make me very happy.”

You waited nervously in his silence. Maybe, since you weren’t giving him what he wanted, he’d want nothing to do with you anymore. The thought of it scared you, because you really did want to see where things could go with him. But even you knew that you had done a lot on your part to screw things up with him. He knew that you weren’t completely over Rob and he had put up with that for a long time. Now, you were no longer willing to bend over backwards to make him happy. You thought that maybe just telling him that you wanted to be with him wasn’t enough. But, either way, you knew you would stand your ground. With or without him, you would learn to be happy.

“So, what then?” He began. You weren’t sure, but you thought he might be smiling over the phone. His voice was soft and calm now, no longer upset when you mentioned Rob earlier. “Should I come see you again? I would drop everything for you if you asked.”

“I’m not asking you to do that. I think asking each other to give things up isn’t fair, and I can tell you from experience that it will just make us resent each other.”

“Alright,” he agreed, “we won’t ask each other to give anything up. Maybe we work on meeting in the middle somehow.”

“It does suck that you live so far away,” you sighed. You had a smile on your face again just from hearing his voice.

“Yes, but I will see you at conventions, and I may already be online looking for a flight to get to you.”

“You don’t have to do that,” you giggled.

“I know I don’t,” he replied, “but I want to.”

“I’m sorry Adam. You wasted this ticket, probably thinking that I would show up at that airport.”

“Honestly, I didn’t expect you to show up,” he replied. “I figured, my luck, Rob would do exactly what he did when he found out you might leave. I sort of knew I was screwed because I thought you’d go back to him if that happened.”

“I’m just going to tell you the truth,” you added, “I did consider it. For just a moment. I think it’s because I still care about him and what we had was comfortable, even when it was bad. But, I also think it’s time to move on, maybe be with someone who gets me, someone who loves me even when I don’t feel that I deserve it.”

“I do love you,” he reminded you, “I don’t throw those words around. And, I know I asked you to do something you didn’t want to do, that was shitty of me.”

“It really was,” you laughed, “but I think you have time to fix that mistake.”

“I’ll try if you’ll let me.”

You smiled to yourself, for once feeling really good about all of this. Adam seemed to be taking it a lot better than you expected, and you felt a bit better now that Rob had given you an explanation at least. The fact that he had admitted his mistakes had been enough for you. You couldn’t help but wonder if you were making the right choice. Maybe Rob was your soulmate, maybe you should give him another chance. At the same time, you were excited about a new future with Adam, if he would give that to you. So far, it seemed that he was willing to still be with you.

“I would like that very much,” you replied.

“Should I just show up and surprise you again?” He asked. You laughed again, shaking your head at the thought of the last time he had surprised you.

“I think I would like that too.”

“Anything for you,” he said.


End file.
